0314 Sa * awake 5ish; up 6ish * W=188; drugs; bath; emergen-c; enough coffee for one cup via French Press ! annoyed * get cell phone from bedroom & remember the coffee in the con suite leftovers. Most is decaf, but there's a bag of real. Yay! * see Colleen; buy supplies for party ! weather cold and grey; mood down. Colleen just starting PT ! she seemed a little scared, but she was on her feet (with lots of help) * See Colleen; buy ice * Party nobody here at 2:30; lonely. Worried. * fix Emmy's computer (swap in new PS) * 2:45ish people start filtering in & 4:20 email reveals that one of my friends was having a health crisis this morning just about the time I was most anxious about them. Hmm. & good party. Good conversation. ! I noticed I was happier and more engaged than usual. Other people mentioned my being more "present". So... yay! & comfortable taking people to the office for quiet talk & discovered that I can noodle on guitar and follow a conversation ! fascinating. A little like driving. Some odd chord progressions. & Lots of good hugs ! Hugs make me happy. And I enjoy them even more now. * load drugs * bed ~12:45; flexeril
A very odd day. The morning was cold and grey and bleak, and I was worried about something I couldn't quite pin down, although a particular friend was much on my mind. I'll get back to that. Even a visit to Colleen, and seeing her standing (with mechanical assistance) for a few minutes didn't seem to lift my mood much.
I was still lonely and worried after the party shopping, but perked up when people started filtering in.
When the first guest came in the kids were still watching a DVD out in the living room, so I took her into the office for some quiet. I found that I was pretty comfortable doing that at other times as well, when a loud conversation was going on in the living room and interfering with the one-on-one I was engaged in.
Mid-afternoon I had a stray moment to read my email and found that the friend I'd been worried about had been having a temporary but alarming health problem in the morning (been taken care of -- ok now). Do I really have that much empathy, or was it just a coincidence? Probably the latter: my worries were mainly about a different aspect of my friend's life. I can see how one can easily start believing in ESP, but I remain skeptical. Memory is very selective.
The party really warmed up in the evening, and I had a good time. I noticed that I was much happier and more engaged than previously; other people noticed as well. Go me!!
I circulated more than usual, and used my computer a lot less. I also discovered, to my delight, that I can noodle on guitar and follow a conversation -- and even make brief comments -- at the same time. It's exactly the same kind of multitasking I do when I'm driving. Some of the chord progressions came out a little odd. I need to find something quiet that leaves me the same mental space.
I've always liked hugs, but I found that I was hugging more tightly and enjoying it more this time. More to the point, I noticed while I was hugging people that it made me happy. Um... OK then.