Page Summary

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

[ SECRET POST #2814 ]

Sep. 16th, 2014 07:01 pm
case: (Default)
[personal profile] case posting in [community profile] fandomsecrets

⌈ Secret Post #2814 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

More! )


Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #402.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
sarken: ann and bobby watching the sun set over southfork ([dallas] like home again)
[personal profile] sarken
  1. If Ann dies, I will write Sue Ellen/Emma. Watch me. Watch me, and then blame [personal profile] aliya.
  2. In the meantime, I am attempting to write all the stupid, tropey fluff in the world. By the end of the day, you will have Ann and Sue Ellen practicing kissing fic. I really do mean all the stupid, tropey fluff.
  3. My mother is a horrible person. She said, "They might not tell us who dies. That might be the cliffhanger." And then she laughed when she realized I hadn't considered that.
  4. She also said, "They won't kill Ann because no one wants to see Patrick Duffy with his shirt off anymore, and they can't have him be a widower forever." You do realize that Tracey is there, ready to step in as Bobby's new love interest before Ann is even cold, right?
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
[personal profile] chrysilla
Having a terrible time trying to stay focused at work today. Its a good thing I'm seeing a doctor about this tomorrow. And in good news I did indeed get the new phone and was able to call and confirm my appointment. Yaaay I can has medical treatment. Hopefully. I do not like the phone's touch screen yet, but I do like the wider keyboard.


Also, part due to making a large-ish purchase today, kinda out of the blue but not. Stereo Saga ) Today I find a really good upgrade that's 30% off. Aaaand I purchase it. Very unhappy with myself for breaking the budget again, tho ironically it cost less than half of what I spent on fabric this month (which would have been next month, except it was also on sale). *headdesk*

This is not a financial crisis, bills and groceries will be paid for, but I had unexpected medical expenses a few months ago and want to re-fill my emergency savings. Would also like to stop the summer trend of binge spending for non-emergencies. On the other hand, my budget mostly broke this month b/c of a bunch of smaller home improvement expenses, which are over with now. But it really feels more like an excuse than a rationalization.

More idle fretting )

The 100 Things Challenge will hopefully rekindle my jewelry bizness, which means making $$ back on the materials I already have. But what happens when/if I start buying new supplies again? Will I just end up applying the feast/famine habit to beads instead of fabric? I did get a bit better at not doing that before I stopped working on it the last time, but who knows.

I was doing much better with financial discipline for a while (BPAL limits, less grocery waste), but when it isn't a big 'why did i do that?' purchase its lots of little over-budget mistakes. And I can only go overbudget for so long until I just run out of savings :-P

Could assuage my guilt by spending more time at home with my new stereo, sewing stash, and bead projects instead of spending $$ on social outings, but that is kinda the opposite of my life plans right now. Whups.

<3 Chrysilla

Good bye, mom.

Sep. 16th, 2014 03:27 pm
ironjeff: (Iris)
[personal profile] ironjeff
 Yesterday morning, at 9:40 mountain time, my mom finally passed away.

Sadly, 'she who bore me' was not killed in a freestyle match (she was a bit of a Trekkie!), but instead finally was brought down by a stroke in her spine... She was too stubborn to let her cancer take her! Despite her stubbornness, when she finally decided it was time she passed quite peacefully.

Thanks, mom. I think you did a damned fine job raising us kids.

(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2014 03:27 pm
[personal profile] dsgood
Catching up a bit:

Still dealing with the re-diagnosis from ADD/ADHD to depression. One thing I'm doing differently is reminding myself that "___ isn't worth doing" (or worth doing right now) may not be accurate.

Am concentrating more on using my senses (including synesthetic ones) to help memory and thinking.

Doing more meditation. Haven't found the best method for me.

The times, they are a-changin'.

Sep. 16th, 2014 03:04 pm
miintikwa: a Stephanie Roberts painting made into an icon with a pretty redheaded girl (Default)
[personal profile] miintikwa
Lots of stuff going on behind the scenes, most that I am not comfortable discussing just yet. But, y'know, despite the depression, life is looking better. I'd be fine if I could just get over feeling like nothing is ever going to change. I know that's ridiculous, but I can't shake it yet.

Anyway.

I'm working on getting healthier, making life better, and forcing myself to see that changes are happening, they're just slow. It's not as easy as it usually is, but hey. I am still trying.

In that vein, I have been doing a lot of nothing. I need to get back to work, back to self-care, something that will help me to recharge. But I just hadn't been feeling it. Hopefully, after a bit of good news, I'll be able to change that.

For now, I need to go get ready to go work out-- we're trying to get back into a regular routine after a week or two of being sporadic with it. I think that will help my mood, too. I hope, anyway.

Be well, everyone.

If you need me, I'll be writing fluff

Sep. 16th, 2014 04:06 pm
sarken: sue ellen in sunglasses ([dallas] fine fresh fierce)
[personal profile] sarken
Oh, look, the longer preview shows Luis closing Emma in a room with him.

So should I just preemptively take back all the nice things I said about the show not deciding rape would be a good punishment for Emma, right? On the other hand, it's daytime, so that could've been something they cut. Or else Bobby really does rescue Ann and leave Emma. (My money is still on "asks for Emma, gets Ann.")

Also, the press site did indeed take down the pictures of Ann and Emma back at Southfork. So this bodes well.

D.O.P.-T.

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:37 pm
weofodthignen: selfportrait with Rune the cat (Default)
[personal profile] weofodthignen
On walkies this morning we were challenged by Yoda, the little Himalayan, so I picked him or her up and cuddled him or her. I like the housemate's dog, but I am really a cat person.

D.O.P.-T. (yesterday)

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:21 pm
weofodthignen: selfportrait holding bra and alien love doll (work)
[personal profile] weofodthignen
I wound up explaining the history of Ukraine's shifting borders to a long-time customer while a new customer examined the dollies on the top shelf, and then ending the conversation to show him an expensive toy and sell him an almost as expensive one. Both gents were appreciative of the service (and the former had already spent money).

Bonus Fishbowl: P.I.E.

Sep. 16th, 2014 03:36 pm
janetmiles: Cartoon avatar (Default)
[personal profile] janetmiles
http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/3403686.html

Brenda, the protagonist of the P.I.E. series, is a paranormal PI with a combat wheelchair. Go feed the fish! No LJ account required.

D.O.P.-T. (day before yesterday)

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:18 pm
weofodthignen: selfportrait with Rune the cat (Default)
[personal profile] weofodthignen
Found a dead rat under a bush beside the driveway. At least one of the cats apparently knows how. Disposed of it in the trash.
[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by John Scalzi

The hotel is very bed and breakfasty. I’m on the ground floor, which will make it easy if I have to evacuate in case of fire. I don not intend to set any fires. I feel it’s important to make that point clear.

Tonight: I do my thing at 7pm at Gibson’s Bookstore, here in Concord, NH. I have never been to Concord before so I am very much looking forward to the event and to seeing folks here. Please, as always, come and bring along everyone you have ever met. It will be totally worth your time. Promise!

Tomorrow: Saratoga Springs, NY, and Northshire Bookstore, also at 7pm. It will also be my first time in Saratoga Springs. Very much looking forward to that.


Poetry Fishbowl Open!

Sep. 16th, 2014 01:26 pm
ysabetwordsmith: Paranormal detective Brenda in a wheelchair (PIE)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith posting in [community profile] access_fandom
Today I'm running a Poetry Fishbowl in the series P.I.E., which you can explore via that link.  This is urban fantasy about a mobility-impaired private investigator who handles paranormal cases and her accident-prone cop boyfriend. 

You may also want to browse recent discussions about disability in F&SF and the vocabulary of disability on my blogs.

Please drop by my Dreamwidth or LiveJournal to leave prompts for what you'd like to see me writing along the themes of urban fantasy, life with disabilities, or romance.  You can watch those posts for thumbnails of poems available for sponsorship, and at least one will get posted for free as thanks for the prompts.


(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2014 02:08 pm
twistedchick: (Default)
[personal profile] twistedchick
Pass this along: Republicans kill equal pay for women -- again -- just in time for the elections. Do you really want to continue being kicked in the pocketbook by wealthy Republicans who will never miss a meal or a rent payment?
james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll
cover


Walter Jon Williams wastes no time establishing his world in this mid-1990s science fantasy novel:

A burning woman stalks along the streets. Ten stories tall, naked body a whirling holocaust of fire. Terrified people on Bursary Street crumple into carbon at her passing, leaving behind only black char curled into fetal shapes. The heat she radiates is so powerful that structures burst into flame as she passes. A storm of paper, sucked out of buildings by uncontrolled drafts, spiral toward her and are consumed. Uncontrolled rivers of flame pour from her fingertips. Windows blast inward at her keening, at the eerie, nerve-scraping wail that pours from her insubstantial, fiery throat. In a city that girdles the world, all-devouring fire is the worst thing imaginable.
[syndicated profile] geekfeminism_feed

Posted by Mary

In 2012, Geek Feminism founder Alex Skud Bayley founded Growstuff, a website and multi-purpose database for food-growers to track what they have planted and harvested and connect with other growers in their local area. Growstuff is now two years old and has launched a crowdfunding campaign to fund API development, which will help outside developers of tools like a harvesting calculator to show you how much money you save by growing food or emailed planting tips and reminders based on your location and climate.

Skud uses open source software and related technologies to effect social and environmental change. She lives in Ballarat, Victoria, where she works on a variety of open tech projects for social justice and sustainability. Skud and I have talked in the past about how Growstuff is among the projects that Geek Feminism contributors have built on principles we brought to and out of Geek Feminism, and I’m kicking off the second week of Growstuff’s fundraiser by asking her more about this.

Q. Which communities is Growstuff modelled on, and what principles has it inherited from them? In particular, how have Geek Feminism and other social justice communities and your work within them influenced Growstuff?

Growstuff open data campaign

Skud: When I started Growstuff, I’d been running Geek Feminism for about 3–4 years, and involved in a few other “women in open source” groups before that. This had led me to watch really closely as different open source communities worked on how to be welcoming and supportive, and to attract participants from different backgrounds and demographics. One thing I saw was that projects founded by women attracted women — no big surprise there I suppose! And, unsurprisingly, Growstuff has attracted a lot of women as developers: roughly half of the 40ish people who’ve made code contributions have been women, and we have lots who’ve volunteered for things like testing and data wrangling as well.

Initially we modeled Growstuff quite heavily on Dreamwidth, which has a majority of women. (Dreamwidth was one of the projects I focused on in my 2009 OSCON keynote, Standing Out in the Crowd.) I also took inspiration from the Agile software development movement.

Extreme Programming, which is the variant of Agile I grew up on, had a lot to say about having real conversations with people involved in the project, working at a sustainable pace, and using introspection to think about the process. I think some of the more recent versions of agile (like Scrum) have made it more business-friendly and, dare I say, macho. But to me, developing software the agile way is about working on the things that are most important, and about honouring each participant’s expertise and their time and energy they bring to the project. So Growstuff has a policy of working closely with our members, getting them involved in the project, and in some ways blurring the lines between tech/non-tech roles. Our choice not to use the term “users” is part of this; we use “members” instead because we feel like “users” distances the people who use Growstuff from the people building the code, and treats them more as consumers rather than collaborators.

Agile development methodologies are probably not what you were thinking about when you asked about social justice movements, but to me, my feminism and the way I work on projects are closely connected. I certainly find agile development (which I do with clients as well as on Growstuff) to be a more egalitarian way of working together than traditional/non-agile approaches.

Q. Your crowdfunding campaign will pay a developer, Frances Hocutt, to work on Growstuff’s API? Why is Growstuff moving towards a paid development model, at least in this case?

Growstuff's Lettuce crop page

Screenshot of Growstuff’s page for the Lettuce crop.

So far, Growstuff’s been built by volunteers. My work on other projects (mostly doing tech contracting for sustainability non-profits) has funded my work on Growstuff, and other volunteers have generally been funded by their own day jobs. Unfortunately, requiring people to volunteer their time not only means you’re relying on their rather variable availability, but those who are likely to have the most availability are generally relatively privileged. That means that the contributor pool will be demographically tilted towards those who happen to be the most affluent and time-rich. In the feminist tech community, we’ve been talking for a while now about labor issues in open source: Ashe Dryden’s The Ethics of Unpaid Labor and the OSS Community is important reading on the subject.

As a matter of principle, I want to be able to pay people to work on Growstuff. Maybe not all people all the time — it’s still an open source project, and our volunteer community is important to us — but I want our contributors to know that they’re not expected to go to extraordinary lengths without remuneration. That includes myself! I guess like many women I find it hard to ask for money for my own work, especially work for a “social good” that is so often undervalued and unpaid. It’s easier for me to ask for money on other people’s behalf.

Frances is exactly the sort of developer I want to work with on Growstuff. She’s come from a career in organic chemistry and switched to open tech. I got to know her through her co-founding Seattle Attic (a feminist hackerspace in Seattle, Washington), and through her Outreach Program for Women internship at the Wikimedia Foundation. By the time I met her I already knew she was a developer with a strong interest in community and collaborative projects, with the right combination of high level thinking, code, documentation and outreach. Her work developing “gold standards” for Wikimedia’s APIs (including the Wikidata API) seemed like a perfect lead-in to working on improving Growstuff’s APIs and helping people build things with them. When I heard she was looking for a short-term contract, I jumped at the chance to see if we could raise the money to pay her to work on Growstuff for a bit.

What principles and techniques could other software projects adopt from Growstuff? And how does Growstuff fit in — or rather, not fit in — to the current venture funded hypergrowth model of software companies?

We’re still trying to figure that out. Growstuff is structured as a sort of hybrid business/social enterprise: the website’s direct expenses are funded by memberships, while my work as Growstuff’s lead developer and organiser is funded indirectly by consulting on other projects. We don’t have any outside investment though we have received a couple of small grants and some support from a government startup program. We’re not seeking traditional VC investment, which makes us rather at odds with most of the “startup scene”, but I would much rather that Growstuff as a whole were funded by the community it serves, than by an external party or parties (investors, advertisers, etc) whose goals and values might be at odds with ours.

The bigger-picture answer, I guess, is that 21st century western-style capitalism increases inequality. The rich get phenomenally richer, and the rest of us get screwed over. If someone offered me the chance to get super rich off Growstuff at the expense of our members and community, I sincerely hope that I’d be able to resist that temptation. Though to be honest, I think Growstuff’s insistence on copyleft licensing and other choices we made early on (such as not to serve ads) mean that nobody’s likely to make that offer anyway. I’ve intentionally set Growstuff up to be more cooperative than capitalist. The trick is to figure out how to fairly support our workers under that model.

I think it depends a lot on our members: people are used to getting online services “for free” in return for their personal information and marketing data, which is used to make a handful of people very rich indeed. Are they going to be willing to resist that easy, attractive evil and become more equal partners in supporting and developing an online service for their/our mutual good? That’s what we still have to find out.

How is food gardening a part of your feminism? (Or feminism part of your food gardening?)

Photograph of Skud wearing a sunhat

Growstuff and Geek Feminism founder Alex Skud Bayley in her garden

I think the connection, for me, is through the idea of DIY — doing it yourself. My feminism is closely tied to my dubiousness about our current capitalist system. As I said, a system that concentrates wealth in a small segment of the population increases inequality. As businesses get bigger, our choices are fewer. I think growing your own food, even in a small way, is an important area of resistance: every pot of herbs on your windowsill means one less thing you buy from a giant supermarket chain. Incidentally, I feel the same way about building our own software and online communities! And I think that those who are least well served by the mainstream capitalist system — women, for instance, who are constantly bombarded by really screwed up messages about what we eat and how we feed our families, trying to sell us highly processed foods that ultimately benefit the companies that design and package them far more than they benefit us — have the most to gain from this.

How can Geek Feminism readers contribute to or support Growstuff?

Well, of course we have the crowdfunding campaign going on at present, to support Frances and myself as we work on Growstuff’s open API.

We’re always looking for people to join our community as contributors: testers, data mavens, coders, designers, writers, and more. Even just diving in to our discussions and weighing in on some of the ideas there helps us a lot — we’re always keen to hear from food-growers (including aspiring/potential ones) about what they’re looking for in Growstuff and how we can improve, or from people who’d like to use our data, to discuss what they have in mind and how we can support them.

Apart from that, just help us spread the word :)

More about Growstuff

You can learn more about Growstuff and its philosophy in the pitch video for the crowdfunding campaign (audio transcript follows):

Hi, I’m Alex Bayley. I write software and I grow vegetables in my backyard. I founded Growstuff in 2012.

More and more people are taking up veggie gardening all over the developed world, especially in cities. That means millions of new gardeners trying to eat and live more sustainably. People are growing food in their backyards, on balconies and in community gardens.

I started to grow my own food because I want to know where it comes from and that it hasn’t been grown with environmentally damaging fertilisers and pesticides. Like a lot of people these days, I worry about food that’s not local. The costs of transportation and the waste from overpackaged food are huge. I think it’s important that we have alternatives to the big supermarkets. And of course homegrown food just tastes so much better and it’s so much better for you.

Like most gardeners, I’m always searching online for information. Most of the growing advice I find isn’t suitable for my climate. I need local information, not something from halfway around the world.

Growstuff started when I met a guy called Federico from Mexico. He’s also a software developer and a permaculturist and he has trouble finding growing information for his local area. So he asked me if I knew of any open databases that had planting information about where to plant any kind of crop anywhere in the world.

We looked around and we couldn’t find anything. Some governments release open data, but it’s usually aimed at big farms. The stuff aimed at home gardeners was usually either just for one region or else the websites had really restrictive rules about what you could use the data for.

I’m a software developer so when I look at data I want to build things. If that data’s locked up where no one can use it that stifles innovation. Growstuff crowdsources information from veggie gardeners around the world. We gather data on what they plant, when and where they plant it, and how to grow it. We use this information to provide local planting advice back to our members and anyone who visits our site.

Growstuff is 100% open source and our data is also open. You can download it straight from our website and use it for any purpose, even commercially. But we want more people to use our data. We’re raising funds to improve our API which lets third party developers use Growstuff to build apps, mashups, tools, or to do research.

With your help, we’ll be creating a new version of our API with more features, building demos, and running workshops for developers. I’ve been working with open data since about 2007 and I think making food growing information freely available is one of the most important things we can do.

Whether you’re a gardener or a software developer or you just care about sustainable food please support Growstuff’s crowdfunding campaign.

Disclosures: in addition to working with Skud on the Geek Feminism project, I’ve worked with her when she was an advisor to the Ada Initiative, an AdaCamp staffer, and in several other capacities over many years.

[syndicated profile] geekfeminism_feed

Posted by spam-spam

We link to a variety of sources, some of which are personal blogs.  If you visit other sites linked herein, we ask that you respect the commenting policy and individual culture of those sites.

You can suggest links for future linkspams in comments here, or by using the “geekfeminism” tag on Pinboard, Delicious or Diigo; or the “#geekfeminism” tag on Twitter. Please note that we tend to stick to publishing recent links (from the last month or so).

Thanks to everyone who suggested links.

Today’s Programming Embarrassment

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:27 pm
theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

So as it turns out, I had a database that was missing critical data.  It was possible to “fill in” that data from other sources, as this was a rarely-used database, so I did what programmers since time eternal have done: I whipped up a script to fix the problem.

But after running the script, I discovered that the quick-fix script had only filled in about 90% of the necessary data.  Investigation showed there were edge cases that needed some special handling – and so I changed my script to handle those special edge cases and ran it again.

That got us to about 97% completion.  But – you guessed it – there was a tricky 3% that needed to be handled with an entirely different method, so I changed the script to handle those edge cases, reran it, and got us to 100% completion.  Awesome!  We fixed the problem!

Now, months later, the database has grown, and once again it is missing critical data.  Normally, this would be a trivial fix.  After all, I’d already filled in the data!  I can just take the logic I’d created in that quick-fix script, apply a filter so that the critical data is filled in whenever a new row is inserted, and have things up and running within an hour or two!  We’ll fix this lack of data forever!

Except.

Except.

I didn’t actually save that first script.  I just kept saving the old script, modifying it to handle the current edge case, and re-running it.  So what I have now is not the script that fixes 90% of the data in one run, but some messed-up tangle of code that handles a 3% edge case.  What happened to the 90% fix logic I created?

Well, I saved over it.  Basically, I deleted it in stages.  So I’m going to have to recreate all that logic from scratch today.

I AM GENIUS.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by John Scalzi

And here it is:

Yes, I have three TV shows in development at the moment, which is very cool and wonderful for me and which means I’m having a totally giggly moment over here.

BUT:

Hey, remember that there was supposed to be an Old Man’s War movie? That was optioned for five years and never made it to the big screen. Same thing could happen with Old Man’s War, the TV series. Or Redshirts, the TV series. Or Lock In, the TV series. Lots of things are optioned and put into development, rather somewhat fewer of them get the greenlight to go to screen. Even shows that get greenlit can be pulled before they air. And then once a show gets on the air, it may not survive past the first season, or even the first few episodes. In film and television, nothing is ever assured.

So, it’s possible that everything I have in development makes it to series. On each of these potential series, I’m working with super smart people, all of whom have sold things in film and TV before, and each of whom has been successful in LA in a way I find tremendously encouraging — it’s why I decided to let them adapt what I’m writing. But is it probable that everything I have in development makes it onto the screen? Well. We will see. It is a long journey, full of detours, potholes and opportunities to run off the road and over a cliff. Not just for me but for anyone.

This is just my way of reminding everyone that the very good news I got for Lock In is the start of a process, not an assurance of a series and success. The same goes for OMW and Redshirts. Everyone involved, including me, are working hard to make it happen. And at the very least I personally am having a fair amount of fun as it goes along.

I’m enjoying the moment — I really am. But I’m aware it is a moment. Now the real work begins. Maybe we’ll get to screen and maybe we won’t. But just like I’m enjoying the moment now, I’m going to try to enjoy the journey, too, wherever it leads. No matter what, the books exist, and that will never change.

So let’s see what happens next.

(comments open for a couple of days)


jimhines: (Snoopy Writing)
[personal profile] jimhines

Ambelin Kwaymullina was the other Guest of Honor at Continuum earlier this year. She’s a delightful, intelligent, and all-around wonderful human being. Ambelin is an Aboriginal writer and illustrator from the Palyku people, and is the author of a number of award-winning picture books as well as a YA dystopian series.

She was kind enough to give my daughter the first book in that series as a gift. I picked up the second at the convention. Having read them both, I am now waiting Very Impatiently for the third and final book to come out!

Book one is The Interrogation of Ashala Wolf [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy]. Book two is The Disappearance of Ember Crow, and doesn’t appear to be out in the U.S. yet. I’m not seeing it from Book Depository, either. Grumble.

Here’s the description in the author’s own words:

The Tribe is a three-book dystopian series set on a future earth where the world was ripped apart by an environmental cataclysm known as ‘the Reckoning’. The survivors of the Reckoning live in an ecotopia where they strive to protect the Balance of the world, the inherent harmony between all life. But anyone born with an ability – Firestarters who control fire, Rumblers who can cause quakes, Boomers who make things explode – is viewed as a threat to the Balance. Any child or teenager found to have such a power is labeled an ‘Illegal’ and locked away in detention centres by the government.

Except for the ones who run.

Sixteen year old Ashala Wolf leads a band of rebels who she names her Tribe. Sheltered by the mighty tuart trees of the Firstwood and the legendary saurs who inhabit the grasslands at the forest’s edge, the Tribe has been left alone – until now. A new detention centre is being built near the forest, and when The Interrogation of Ashala Wolf begins, Ashala has been captured by the government and is on her way to interrogation…

I loved these books.

Dystopia is popular these days, as is dark, gritty, often hopeless fiction. While these books certainly have a dark and dystopic setup, there’s also hope and joy and life and love. You read the books and you don’t walk away thinking, “Well, the world sucks, and everything is hopeless.” You walk away thinking, “Humanity sure screws things up sometimes, but we will survive, and we will make things better in the end.”

The characters are wonderful. Heroes and villains, humans and [spoilers]. There’s such a range of powers and personalities, and it all just works. I particularly like that we see a similar range in the government and elsewhere. There are no monolithic blocks of good or evil people. You get a sense of the larger struggle playing out throughout the world.

You wouldn’t think a book about an interrogation would be such a page-turner, but I lost several nights’ sleep to these books.

I did feel like book two stumbled a little at the beginning. When Disappearance begins, Ashala has retreated from the Tribe after accidentally injuring someone she cares about with her power. This part didn’t quite work for me, but that might be because I’m 40 years old, and I forget that Ashala Wolf and the rest of the Tribe are still kids. Regardless, once we moved past that part, the story once again sucked me in and wouldn’t let go.

Book two expands the scope and the worldbuilding in wonderful and completely unexpected-but-consistent ways. It’s a book about love and despair and history and family and religion and hope and evil and so much more.

So here’s the deal:

  • You need to go pick up book one and read it.
  • Candlewick Press needs to hurry up and release book two so I can push all of my U.S. readers to get it.
  • Ambelin Kwaymullina needs to magically make book three be out now so I can read it and see how everything comes together.

Any questions?

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

[syndicated profile] sociological_images_feed

Posted by Lisa Wade, PhD

“Advocates might want to try different language (or a different approach) in their campaign to reform the criminal justice system,” writes Jamelle Bouie for Slate. She drew her conclusion after summarizing a new pair of studies, by psychologists Rebecca Hetey and Jennifer Eberhardt, looking at the relationship between being “tough on crime” and the association of criminality with blackness.

In the first study, 62 White men and women were interrupted as they got off a commuter train and invited to chat about the three strikes law in California. Before being presented with an anti-three strikes petition, they were shown a video that flashed 80 mugshots. In one condition, 25% of the photos were of black people and, in another, 45% of the photos were.

Among the subjects in the first “less black” condition, more than half signed the petition to make the law less strict, but only 28% in the “more black” condition signed it.

2

A second study in New York City about the stop-and-frisk policy had a similar finding:

3

The results suggest that white Americans are more comfortable with punitive and harsh policing and sentencing when they imagine that the people being policed and put in prison are black. The second study suggested that this was mediated by fear; the idea of black criminals inspires higher anxiety than that of white criminals, pressing white people to want stronger law enforcement.

So, as Bouie concluded, when prison reformers and anti-racists point out the incredible and disproportionate harm these policies do to black Americans, it may have the opposite of its intended effect. Hetey and Eberhardt conclude:

Many legal advocates and social activists assume that bombarding the public with images and statistics documenting the plight of minorities will motivate people to fight inequality. Our results call this assumption into question. We demonstrated that exposure to extreme racial disparities may make the public less, not more, responsive to attempts to lessen the severity of policies that help maintain those disparities.

“Institutional disparities,” they add, “can be self-perpetuating.” Our history of unfairly targeting and punishing black men more than others now convinces white Americans that we must continue to do so.

Lisa Wade is a professor of sociology at Occidental College and the co-author of Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

(View original at http://thesocietypages.org/socimages)

james_davis_nicoll: (Default)
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll
Nicked from nwhyte

These days, everyone is talking about the Scottish Independence Referendum, especially when they’re not talking about ISIS. But sadly nobody has managed so far to explain this complicated topic in an easy to understand manner. So we commissioned a panel of Western Middle East experts and asked them to apply their unique approach to the subject with their customary disregard for cumbersome nuance and the stifling requirements of accuracy. The result is this fascinating article. - See more at: http://www.karlremarks.com/2014/09/we-give-scottish-independence.html#sthash.JIvxOJgH.dpuf

Yahrzeit.

Sep. 16th, 2014 07:43 am
onyxlynx: Some trees and a fountain at a cemetery (A Fine and Private Place)
[personal profile] onyxlynx
 Yahrzeit

(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2014 10:30 am
camwyn: (Canada)
[personal profile] camwyn
... Etsy? Why do you seem to think I'm in Canada?

Seriously, I'm signed in and you have my snail address and my IP address shows me as being in Massachusetts, so why do all the prices show up in Canadian dollars?

Is the Great Maple Spirit after me again?

ETA: I checked my account settings; not only did it show 'Region' as being Canada and all my prices in Canadian dollars, but my language of choice was marked 'English (UK)'. Bzuh.

DE: Something to do

Sep. 16th, 2014 07:10 am
bjornwilde: (Dieter)
[personal profile] bjornwilde posting in [community profile] ways_back_room
 So, for whatever reason, your character is now working at Milliways. What is their job? Are they part of the regular staff? Is it an existing job or did they create their own position? Are they selling their services freelance and not working with the bar staff at all?

(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2014 09:35 am
camwyn: (Default)
[personal profile] camwyn
I'm awake.

No, seriously, I'm awake. This weekend I went to the Boston Local Foods Festival and one of the vendors was Steem Caffeinated Peanut Butter, so today I went to Brueggers and got a bagel with nothing on it to test out the jar I bought, along with getting some regular iced coffee. The peanut butter is supposed to have 170ish mg of caffeine per two tablespoons, which puts in the same league as eight ounces of brewed ordinary Starbucks coffee (according to Caffeine Insider- I've seen several different numbers for Starbucks caff levels). I can't vouch for this, as I don't have the means to chemically analyze the PB and as I said I did get some regular coffee alongside it, but the PB did have that slightly bitter taste I've noticed in the past when I've bought high-caffeine food items like Sky Rocket flavor syrup, which had 100 mg of caffeine per ounce.

The point of the PB being caffeinated is supposed to be a slow release of the stimulant in conjunction with protein and vitamins, so as to avoid quite as much of a surge-and-crash scenario as you'd get if you just chugged the appropriate amount of coffee. That, and if you're the kind of person who gets caffeine withdrawal headaches, it's easier to bring a jar of peanut butter or to make some peanut butter sandwiches on a long trip than it is to bring a thermos of coffee, and if you're going camping or hiking or something, you won't have to lug a percolator or buy caffeinated energy jellybeans from the sporting goods store. Plus, well... this is the Boston area, and the area is riddled with colleges, and the colleges are heavy on the technogeek side. These are people who will caffeinate anything.

Anyway, it's decent peanut butter even if it's prominently labeled 'DO NOT GIVE TO ANIMALS, THIS IS PEOPLE FOOD ONLY', so I'm gonna keep it at work for use on breakfast foods.

The Big Idea: David Barnett

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:59 pm
[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by John Scalzi

There’s the saying that “Freedom isn’t free” — but how to express that concept in a way that makes it more than just a bumper sticker platitude, and fold in some steampunk aweseomeness to boot? With Gideon Smith and the Brass Dragon, author David Barnett may have just the ticket. Here he is to explain how it all comes together.

DAVID BARNETT:

America is screaming.

At least, that’s what it sounds like to The Nameless. He isn’t really called The Nameless, of course, but he can’t remember his name. As he tells one character in Gideon Smith and the Brass Dragon:

“They call me many things. The Indians call me Spirit, in more ways than I can remember. The witches of New Orleans like to call me Fantôme. The Mormons in New Jerusalem think I’m Satan, and the civilized folk of New York don’t believe in me at all!”

The Nameless is a weird mash-up of Natty Bumpo from Last of the Mohicans and Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name, criss-crossing the America of 1890 in search for… well, he doesn’t really know. All he knows for sure is that he woke up on April 18, 1775 with no idea who he was. All he was really sure about was that America was screaming, and somehow he had to put that right.

April 18, 1775 is an important date in the calendar in Gideon Smith’s world. It’s when the British put down a nascent American rebellion and ensured that the country – or at least most of the Eastern seaboard – remained in British control. The Spanish still hold much of what we know as Mexico – New Spain, to them. But their constant war with the French back in Europe means their tentative forays north of the border have had to be scaled back, to the point where they didn’t put up much of a fight in 1868 when a breakaway Japanese faction fetched up in San Francisco, took over and rechristened it Nyu Edo, capital of the newly-established Californian Meiji.

There are other factions and independent settlements in North America, of course – the French nominally hold Louisiana, there’s a Free Florida which is a safe haven for runaway slaves from the Confederacy, and Texas is dotted with fiefdoms run by mostly tyrannical former British governors who decided they were too far away from New York and Boston – and a world away from London – to pay too much heed to what they wanted.

This fractured America is, I suppose, one of the big ideas in this, the second Gideon Smith novel. But though he’s not often on-stage, The Nameless is another big idea, linked closely to this. America, he feels, should not be this patchwork of territories controlled by proxy from far away. And that sort of gave rise to what’s the real Big Idea in Gideon Smith and the Mechanical Girl – the one that we’re all shackled to something, even if we don’t know it. And that freedom can be achieved, though often at a price.

The British governors in New York and Boston are chained to the whims and fancies of London, thousands of miles away. They can barely keep their cities running with the taxes that have to be paid back to Britain, and they certainly can’t expand into the wide open territories to points west without the resources they need. The Governor of New York, Edward Lyle, knows that his city is in thrall to the coal that keeps the lights on and the traffic moving, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep that happening.

Haruki Serizawa is a scientist working on a top secret project for the Californian Meiji. He and his wife Akiko hoped America would be a new world for them and their daughter Michi, but he is frustrated that the new settlement cannot fully cut its ties to the old country.

Inez Batiste Palomo is the daughter of the Spanish governor of Uvalde, a border town all but forgotten by Ciudad Cortes (Mexico City, to you and me). Her father cleaves tightly to tradition and expects her to do the same, but she’s a modern woman in a world that’s changing fast.

And Gideon Smith is the boy from nowhere, the fisherman appointed to be the Hero of the Empire by Queen Victoria herself. Gideon is shackled to Victorian mores which despise the different, which make it difficult to be anything other than rich, white and male. Yet here he is, in love with a mechanical girl. His society, the one that made his dreams come true, just doesn’t hold with the freedom to love who he wants.

And, I suppose, the book, the whole Gideon Smith series, in fact, is perhaps my own attempt to break free of the constraints – real or perceived – that some feel the “steampunk” genre imposes. I wanted to write a working class hero who didn’t have a double-barrelled name, one who dragged himself up by his boot-straps and demanded the world take him on his merits. One who – once he knows how the world works – has severe misgivings about it. I wanted to create a steampunk world where diversity was celebrated, differences discussed, and expectations challenged, if not overturned.

I’m not sure, as a white male with a roof over his head and a steady job, whether I’ve succeeded in that. But as the characters in Gideon Smith and the Brass Dragon find out to varying degrees, freedom rarely comes without some effort.

—-

Gideon Smith and the Brass Dragon: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Indiebound|Powell’s

Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s Web site. Follow him on Twitter.


(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2014 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] racialicious_feed

Posted by Kendra James

 

(Editor’s note: In light of recent events we’ve opted to repost this article as a an unfortunate refresher re: domestic violence and the NFL.)

By Guest Contributor David J. Leonard, cross-posted from The Feminist Wire

In the aftermath of the tragic murder of Kasandra Michelle Perkins, and the subsequent suicide of Jovan Belcher, much of the media and social media chatter have focused on Belcher.  Indeed, Kasandra Michelle Perkins has been an afterthought in public conversations focused on questions regarding the Chiefs’ ability to play, concussions, masculinity, guns, and the culture of football in the aftermath of this tragedy. Over at the always brilliant Crunk Feminist Collective website, one member described the situation in sobering terms:

Headlines and news stories have focused on the tragedy from the lens of the perpetrator (including speculation of potential brain trauma, his involvement, as an undergraduate, in a Male Athletes Against Violence initiative, and his standing as an allstar athlete), in some ways dismissing or overshadowing the lens of the victim, who in headlines is simply referred to as “(his) girlfriend.”

Mike Lupica, at the NY Daily News, offered a similar criticism about our focus and misplaced priorities:

That is why the real tragedy here — the real victim — is a young woman named Kasandra Michelle Perkins, whom Belcher shot and killed before he ever parked his car at the Chiefs’ practice facility and put that gun to his head.

She was 22 and the mother of Belcher’s child, a child who is 3 months old, a child who will grow up in a world without parents. At about 10 minutes to 8, according to Kansas City police, Jovan Belcher put a gun on the mother of his child in a house on the 5400 block of Chrysler Ave. in Kansas City and started shooting and kept shooting. You want to mourn somebody? Start with her.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins.

While disheartening and indefensible, I get the turn towards concussionsguns, and the masculinity of sporting cultures.  The murder-suicide shines a spotlight on a number of issues that many have been grappling with for many years.  It encapsulates people’s discomfort about a culture that condones on-the-field violence that may contribute to so much pain off-the-field.  It highlights society’s moral failures whereupon profits are put in front of people.  There will be a time for these conversations, but for now the spotlight needs to be on Kasandra Michelle Perkins.

Upon hearing about this tragic murder of Kasandra Michelle Perkins, I too turn my attention to these issues; I am guilty of this failure, having tweeted about concussions, suicide, and the culture of the NFL. These issues are real–but so is the tragic death of Kasandra Michelle Perkins.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins cannot be a footnote.  She cannot be an afterthought.

While there are clearly issues specific to football—impact of concusions, the culture of hyper masculinity, mental health—we cannot lose focus on Kasandra Michelle Perkins.  Her life is no less precious just because she didn’t play linebacker; her life is no less important because she didn’t have teammates (although her family and friends are her teammates) grieving.  Her story is no less important because we live in a culture that privileges football and celebrity over the daily tragedies of violence.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins: let’s remember her name.

Her murder is a startling and sobering reminder about the all-too common tragedy of domestic/intimate partner murders.  “Each year thousands of black women are shot, stabbed, stalked, and brutalized in crimes that never make it on the national radar.  Black women experience intimate partner violence at a rate of 35% higher than do white women,” writes Sikivu Hutchinson.  “Intimate partner violence is a leading cause of death for black women, yet they are seldom viewed as proper victims and are rarely cast as total innocents.”

The failure to value all lives equally, to scream to demand justice, embodies American racism and sexism.  Hutchinson makes this clear in another brilliant piece:

Plastered on websites like AOL, relentlessly rammed down our collective throats in titillating morsels with whiffs of sexuality and scandal, poster child Caylee Anderson and company are a metaphor for Middle America’s Little Red Riding Hood fetishization of white femininity. Tabloid narratives of imperiled white females highlight the suburban virtues of white Middle America and not so subtlety evoke the social pathologies of the so-called inner city. Indeed, the spectacles of grief, mourning, and community outrage trotted out on CNN and FOX not only program viewers to identify with the injustice that has been done to the victim and her family, but to her community. In the world of 24-7 media these victims become our girls, our daughters, while the “bitches” and “hos” of the inner city symbolize the disorder and ungovernableness of an urban America whose values must be kept at bay.

The media erasure–particularly of the lost lives of women of color–is a root problem. It points to a systemic failure. The consequences are grave and mortifying. The ubiquity here is haunting; the devastation is disheartening; and our collective silence, paralysis, and acceptance are shameful.

  • Close to 70% of women killed by a gun were murdered by the hand of an intimate partner
  • More than three women are murdered every day by a husband or domestic partner
  • 40-50% of female murder victims fall into the category of domestic/partner murder (this includes former partners)
  • Three times as many women are killed by husband or intimate acquaintance as are killed by strangers using guns, knives or other weapons combined

As noted on “What About Our Daughters,”

According to the CDC, black women have a maternal homicide risk about seven times that of white women. Black women ages 25-29 are about 11 times more likely as white women in that age group to be murdered while pregnant or in the year after childbirth.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins is not a statistic, but her murder is part of a larger story.  The same is true for Cicely Bolden.  She was murdered by the man she was dating; he killed her after he learned that she was HIV-positive. #Kasandra Michelle Perkins #Cicely Bolden. Let’s not forget Meghann Pope.  She and her baby (she was 4 months pregnant) died after her boyfriend ran her over with his truck.  # Arlet Hernandez Contreras#Ericka Peters; # Rasheedah Blunt# Jasmine Nichelle Moss#Dawn Viens; #Yeardley Love#Nancy Benoit#Cherica Adams;  #Aena Hong.

It is crucial to continue to say Kasandra Michelle Perkins’ name. To look at her face; to ingrain her image into our heads. We must continue to think about not the last minutes of her life, but the totality of her life.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins.

It is crucial to say all of these names.  It is crucial to hear the plea from Kasandra Michelle Perkins’ friend, who reminded us all, “I don’t want her to get overshadowed by who he was. I know he was a Chiefs player and a lot of people know him, but she deserves recognition, too.”

Each time we say her name we remember her life and her tragic murder.  Each time we say Kasandra Michelle Perkins, we remember her 4-month-old daughter who lost her mom and her dad on December 2, 2012.  Each time we say her name we push back at the privileging of celebrity-life  over her death.  Each time we say her name we are hopefully reminded of the ubiquity of domestic/partner murder.  Each time we say her name we refuse the silence and erasure of domestic violence and intimate partner murder, particularly when the victims are women of color.  Each time we say her name we refuse the racism and sexism that obscures the humanity of those lives lost.  We challenge the discomfort that compels silence and erasure.

I heed the words from the Crunk Feminist Collective:

I wrote this piece to adjust the focus away from the famous athlete who “snapped,” and to put it on the true innocent in the case. I wrote this piece as a clarion call to remember Kasandra by her name and not by her relationship. I wrote this piece so that we don’t forget that victims may fall into statistics but they have names! I wrote this piece as a reminder that Kasandra (and Cherica) existed before their relationships with men who did not value their lives. I wrote this piece as a reminder that when a tragedy like this happens, it is not the perpetrator’s name we should remember, but the victim’s.

Each time we say Kasandra Michelle Perkins we remember a life lost; we remember a 22-year woman brutally murdered in her home; we remember a mother who will never get to hold her daughter again. We remember Kasandra Michelle Perkins.

Say her name!

The post appeared first on Racialicious - the intersection of race and pop culture.

Making Companions of us all...

Sep. 16th, 2014 11:34 am
pbristow: (Gir/DW: "I love this show" (Titles_4))
[personal profile] pbristow
So, the latest Doctor Who ep, "Listen", has proved to be something of a marmite episode: Depending which corner of the 'net you peek into, you'll either find armies of people loving it or armies of people hating it. Only now that people's initial reactions have died down a bit am I starting to see - or indeed mange to do myself - some properly thoughtful critique.

* N.B. SPOILERS AHOY! *

Read more... )

Lemon-flavored cheer

Sep. 16th, 2014 02:36 am
azurelunatic: Azz and best friend grabbing each other's noses.  (Default)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
Work involved minimal direct fuckery, although I anticipate a debriefing which may be *epic* from some of my colleagues in the project of Keeping Shit Less Fucked. There was also a really delicious lemon and raspberry cupcake on my desk, which was good because the ones on the collaboration table had nearly all vanished by the time I came in, and the last few evaporated by mid-afternoon to many exclamations of delight from the team. "These muffins are REALLY GOOD!" -Researcher Carmageddon's ex-officemate

I need to start pinging Purple before wandering over, in case there's just a little bit more to do before it's possible to head out. Heh. Although we fairly well erased the advantages of getting out at the time we did by accidentally spending two and a half hours talking in the parking lot. Oops. (There was a lot to talk about.)

In the portion of the discussion about childhood adventures with names (and how my wallet name really isn't the one I answer to), he mentioned that one of the lovely fun things his elementary schoolmates had tried was calling him by the feminine equivalent of his name. I cocked my head at him. "You've always looked more like a [different name] to me," I said.

So then we had to get into *why*. Back in February, Purple had occasion to check the office mailbox, and saw my name on a couple envelopes. This resulted in the use of the phrase "mail fairy." Which got hilarious. In the intervening months, the costume in my head went from a not particularly flattering purple getup to a really rather nice green satin bustier with a dense netting skirt, with the obligatory matching wings and toe shoes with long, long ribbons. From there we got onto the topic of Second Life...

There was a certain amount of security presence in the parking lot. If That Security Guard was among them, I hope he came to the entirely wrong conclusion about the nature of my relationship with Purple. While it is shitty and patriarchal if a guy attributes more weight to "woops, she is the property of some other guy" than to "actually she doesn't seem that into me", if That Security Guard decides to drop the matter with no further conversation, then we will not have an awkward conversation about the matter. And while he has brought the awkward to the conversation and all I would be doing is hanging a lampshade on it, it is still not an exchange that I relish. (I do thrive on a certain kind of Potential High Drama, but thaaaaat's not one of the ones I signed up for.)

Purple and I compared some scars. I didn't pull down my shirt to show him the scar from the hot soup. It's not really a great one to show in a work parking lot, even if it's something I'd show in a tank top.

We got on to the topic of lettuce. Purple is adamantly against iceberg lettuce in nearly every particular. I believe that it has a place, and in addition to the wrapping-for-real-food that Purple allots it, it is decent in burritos, where it is less wilty and also less strongly flavored than some other lettuces. This resulted in some happy chatter about delicious, delicious salads, and the party broke up in favor of dinner.

Dishonor on your husband

Sep. 16th, 2014 05:32 am
sarken: ann and bobby watching the sun set over southfork ([dallas] like home again)
[personal profile] sarken
Spoilers for Dallas 03x13 Boxed In )

Shit, I can't believe next week is the finale. And I can't believe someone is going to die. And it doesn't look particularly good for a fourth season. I just... damn it, I did not ask for this to become my show. I made it through the entire first season without it being my show. But now it is. Boy, do I know how to pick 'em. Sigh.
ozaline: Ozma from Skottie Young and Eric Shanower's Ozma of Oz comic adaptation (Default)
[personal profile] ozaline posting in [community profile] scans_daily
Trigger Warning Abelism, sexual, and romantic acts peformed under false pretenses, and possibly gore (though mild).

When last we left Jessica Drew, she had just been ordered onto a mission to save her lover, and fellow Hydra Agent, Jared, from SHIELD's Monaco base, and assassinate Nick Fury. We join her now already in battle against Fury himself when things start to go against her.


Three pages from Marvel Spotlight #32 (which brings me up to my 1/3rd quota for that comic over the past three posts), 7 1/2 of Origin #3, 7 1/2 of Origin #4)



Read more... )

QotD

Sep. 16th, 2014 05:24 am
dglenn: Me in kilt and poofy shirt, facing away, playing acoustic guitar behind head (Default)
[personal profile] dglenn

"Rothblatt created this awesome/terrifying robot, and all people want to talk about is her gender?" -- Parker Marie Molloy, "CEO Martine Rothblatt is Transgender, and That's the Least Interesting Thing About Her", 2014-09-11 (quoted text appears on second page)

rosefox: A spark crossing a spark gap with the word "aha!". (aha!)
[personal profile] rosefox
"It's 4 a.m. Do I want to make the spice mix for next Saturday's chicken stew?" I thought about it. "Nah, I'm too tired. I can do it tomorrow."

This felt somehow luxurious, and I was reminded that for a long time I couldn't count on being able to do something the next day. If I had the energy to do it right away, I did it right away.

When I was a kid and a teenager, I'd stay up late, the way my body clock wanted, and then I'd get up early, the way society wanted. I was pretty useless during the day. The only time my brain really worked was at night. So if I wanted to get something done, I'd better do it at nighttime while I was functional. Plus I was always running late with things, pushing deadlines or blowing past them, pulling all-nighters to make up for days of slacking or struggling.

Depression and anxiety exacerbated this. For years I had daily mood swings, from crushed and miserable in the morning to ebullient at night. Nighttime was the time for doing things. I felt alert and creative and smart. Morning was... impossible.

My intermittent physical disabilities (tendinitis, vertigo) aren't tied to circadian cycles, but they certainly amplify the calculation of "Am I functional? Then GO GO GO because who knows when I'll be functional again". And freelancing full-time made it easy to alternate between long intense work days and long exhausted crashing days, which I did on an approximately biweekly cycle. I still book my freelance contracts on that principle: "This will take me three days to do, so I'll quote nine on the theory that I should be capable of working on at least three of those nine days." I push deadlines occasionally but not nearly as much as I used to.

I've always relied on being fast and efficient enough when I can work to make up for there being a lot of time when I can't. (I refuse to bill hourly for freelance gigs, because I put in half as many hours as anyone else and do just as good a job. Flat fee or nothing.) I've put a lot of effort into training myself to work faster and faster. I use countless organizational tools to make myself more efficient. And my anxiety wires me up and drives me hard.

After I recovered from an awful bout of depression a few years ago, I took such joy in having extra energy to burn off every night. I'd bustle around the apartment, tidy, do dishes, take late walks. It was an amazing feeling. "Leftover spoons! Who knew that was possible? Is this what normal people feel like all the time?" But soon that was coopted by the certainty that the next spoon deficit was just around the corner. You can't really bank energy or awakeness or clarity of thought. You use it or lose it. And I couldn't risk losing it and then finding myself unable to replenish it later.

I'm no longer paralyzed by depression or anxiety. My body's in pretty good shape, and I haven't taken a sick day in months. My personal and professional schedules accommodate my body clock. I'm not overloaded with work. Every night I struggle to make myself turn out the light, always certain that there's one more thing I could (should) be doing, always anxious that if I don't do it now I'll have missed my chance--and then I wonder why I feel that way when my odds of being functional tomorrow are pretty high. The "now or never" voice is obviously wrong.

But it's been right most of my life. And I'm not getting any younger, so presumably something will shortly go haywire in my body or brain (or we'll have a baby) and I'll need to go back to ruthlessly using up every scrap of energy as soon as possible before it fades and can't be replenished.

This starvation mentality is awful. I recognize it--I've seen it in people who grew up without much money and in people who grew up without much love, so it's pretty easy to see that I grew up without much time--but I don't know how to get out of it.

Armor is Good

Sep. 16th, 2014 04:23 am
xenologer: (bye bye)
[personal profile] xenologer
I am queen of guilt deflection. I explained in a very value-neutral "conflicting access needs" way why I unfriended someone, and when they said, "that hurts" in reply I said "Okay. That's a risk I took knowingly."

I basically came up through the gaslighting and guilt Weapon X Program, so no. Nobody is going to get me with those things.

Shifting one's schedule back sucks.

Sep. 16th, 2014 01:20 am
aris_tgd: Franklin, "Teach hope" (Teach hope)
[personal profile] aris_tgd
Look, I'm a night owl. I would rather stay late than come in early. I'd rather stay up late to finish something than get up early to do so. And given the choice, I'll stay in bed until the alarm goes off just before I have to leave for work every time.

But the test page says I have to be there by 8:30am, so I need to start getting up earlier.

Blah.

In other news, studying and writing a bit. I remember why I hate o-chem. I've put a very small amount of text on the story. *grumblemutter*. I would really like to get that writing mojo back, please...

Rose City Comic Con is this weekend! Woohoo! I guess it's time to see how our little home city con is doing. And if I can get up early enough for the morning panels.

I don't really do panels, either, so that's going to be interesting.

At Framlingham Castle

Sep. 16th, 2014 05:56 pm
den: (Photos)
[personal profile] den
Framlingham Castle, built 1174, then the current internal buildings were built in the 1600s as a poorhouse. When I visited, an medieval re-enactment society, the Plantagenents, were recreating medieval castle life.

Framlingham Castle

Castle, squires, knights, Ladies, hurdy gurdy man )

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Page generated Sep. 16th, 2014 11:26 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios