With my spouse, the *bad* word was "lie". I was raised that a lie was something that wasn't true. If I said I was going to be there at 6, but there was a 5 hour traffic jam and I didn't make it, I lied. (No value judgment with that -- I may have done my best, but it just wasn't possible.) C thinks (and most dictionaries agree that) it's only a lie if the intent was to deceive. (So there is a value judgment inherent in the word.) So, even if I am constantly being told -- multiple times a day -- something-or-other (usually many multiples of somethings) MOST of which turn out to not happen (due to getting hung up playing with the computer, or forgetting or whatever) it's still not a lie, so I have no justification for anger... yeah, right!
Doesn't help that "honesty" is VERY important to me. And I feel that, especially when it's a pattern, if things being promised are not delivered, that dishonesty plays a part.
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With my spouse, the *bad* word was "lie". I was raised that a lie was something that wasn't true. If I said I was going to be there at 6, but there was a 5 hour traffic jam and I didn't make it, I lied. (No value judgment with that -- I may have done my best, but it just wasn't possible.) C thinks (and most dictionaries agree that) it's only a lie if the intent was to deceive. (So there is a value judgment inherent in the word.) So, even if I am constantly being told -- multiple times a day -- something-or-other (usually many multiples of somethings) MOST of which turn out to not happen (due to getting hung up playing with the computer, or forgetting or whatever) it's still not a lie, so I have no justification for anger... yeah, right!
Doesn't help that "honesty" is VERY important to me. And I feel that, especially when it's a pattern, if things being promised are not delivered, that dishonesty plays a part.