You're very used to seeing a solution as soon as you identify a problem -- or, if not seeing a solution, at least seeing a possible path to a solution. The fact that you've been depressed for years means that you've found a comfortable set of paths around your depression-space... well, maybe not 'comfortable', but they're at least 'familiar'. To take this into The Forest Analogy[tm], you've worn those tracks so they've become trails, and at the moment you're not recognizing any possible paths off of those trails.
(It doesn't help that we're always taught "don't walk off the trail" when we go to any of the state parks with forests, either.)
I haven't had as many years to live with depression as you have, and I expect that my experience wasn't (and isn't) as life-altering as yours is/will be. I'll share my experience, though, that much of the self-reinforcing process of depression is as much to do with habits (built from emotional reactions and lack of recognition of such) as with any chemical imbalance which leads to such. If you change your habits, you can change your life. (this is MUCH easier said than done... mostly because it's very difficult to identify the habits that are so ingrained that you can't even see them.)
Try to find the things that bring you joy, and work from there. Find the things that you're passionate about, and work from there. Find the things that you tolerate, find the things that vex you, find the things that you despise more than anything else, find the things that bring emotional reactions. This is likely going to hurt a lot at first (my own experience was that I found a lot of things that I hated, a lot of things that brought me pain, a lot of things I tolerated simply because I didn't think I could change them -- many, many more of them than the things that brought me joy or happiness or comfort)... but my experience is also that the mind brings up pain before it brings up pleasure.
Write it all down. Make lists, or write them into songs, write them into stories, write them into journals -- you don't have to share them, and I encourage you to share only that which you feel comfortable sharing. Accept the things that you've been denying, accept the things that hurt, accept the things that you would otherwise hate yourself for... and then forgive yourself.
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(It doesn't help that we're always taught "don't walk off the trail" when we go to any of the state parks with forests, either.)
I haven't had as many years to live with depression as you have, and I expect that my experience wasn't (and isn't) as life-altering as yours is/will be. I'll share my experience, though, that much of the self-reinforcing process of depression is as much to do with habits (built from emotional reactions and lack of recognition of such) as with any chemical imbalance which leads to such. If you change your habits, you can change your life. (this is MUCH easier said than done... mostly because it's very difficult to identify the habits that are so ingrained that you can't even see them.)
Try to find the things that bring you joy, and work from there. Find the things that you're passionate about, and work from there. Find the things that you tolerate, find the things that vex you, find the things that you despise more than anything else, find the things that bring emotional reactions. This is likely going to hurt a lot at first (my own experience was that I found a lot of things that I hated, a lot of things that brought me pain, a lot of things I tolerated simply because I didn't think I could change them -- many, many more of them than the things that brought me joy or happiness or comfort)... but my experience is also that the mind brings up pain before it brings up pleasure.
Write it all down. Make lists, or write them into songs, write them into stories, write them into journals -- you don't have to share them, and I encourage you to share only that which you feel comfortable sharing. Accept the things that you've been denying, accept the things that hurt, accept the things that you would otherwise hate yourself for... and then forgive yourself.