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  <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2010-04-27:505737</id>
  <title>The Mandelbear's Musings</title>
  <subtitle>mdlbear</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>mdlbear</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2023-10-29T03:50:40Z</updated>
  <dw:journal username="mdlbear" type="personal"/>
  <entry>
    <id>tag:dreamwidth.org,2010-04-27:505737:1878222</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://mdlbear.dreamwidth.org/1878222.html"/>
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    <title>River: The Reunion Debacle</title>
    <published>2023-10-29T03:50:40Z</published>
    <updated>2023-10-29T03:50:40Z</updated>
    <category term="psych"/>
    <category term="anxiety"/>
    <category term="river"/>
    <category term="avoidance"/>
    <category term="procrastination"/>
    <dw:music>There's a Hole in the Bucket (list)</dw:music>
    <dw:mood>regretful</dw:mood>
    <dw:security>public</dw:security>
    <dw:reply-count>0</dw:reply-count>
    <content type="html">&lt;p&gt; I started writing this post in early 2016, after having ghosted my 50th
    high school reunion in the September of 2015.  My notes from back then
    were

&lt;blockquote&gt;
&lt;p&gt; not clear what I was avoiding: needs further analysis.  In general, I
    wasn't really sane at that time.  [I was starting to burn out, though I
    didn't know it at the time.]
&lt;p&gt; The original plan was for me to go to the reunion, then go with the whole
    family to Mom's birthday party.  Somewhere in there I panicked over
    finances, and let it slide until I ran out of time.
&lt;p&gt; I was also avoiding (a) the unfamiliar transportation situation around the
    reunion, and (b) the known problems with Colleen on a long air trip.  I
    went to Mom's party by myself.
&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;

&lt;p&gt; When it came time to make arrangements for Mom's party, the original plan
    had been completely forgotten -- I only discovered my notes for that after
    the fact.

&lt;p&gt; I went to my 50-year college reunion in 2019, partly because of not having
    gone to the HS reunion.  But &lt;em&gt;this&lt;/em&gt; year, I skipped the (roughly)
    50-year reunion of Columbae (the co-op I lived in my last couple of years
    of grad school), and went to OVFF the following week.  This weekend as I
    write this. You'd think I would have learned.

&lt;p&gt; The logistical considerations were different this year -- instead of
    worrying about flying with Colleen, I was worrying about the cats.  But if
    I'd had any damned sense I would have gone to the reunion, letting G care
    for Ticia, and &lt;em&gt;boarded all four cats&lt;/em&gt; to give me an uninterrupted
    long weekend on Whidbey.  Which would have been useful.  And I would have
    been able to schedule medical appointments a week earlier.  (Of course, at
    the time I didn't know that I was going to &lt;em&gt;need&lt;/em&gt; that many medical
    appointments.)

&lt;p&gt; I realized a couple of weeks ago that one common factor was travel
    arrangements.  I've almost always either had people to travel with, or at
    least a convention to wind up at, in a known hotel, so most of my
    arrangements were predetermined.  And conventions are usually at
    &lt;em&gt;airport&lt;/em&gt; hotels, so I've rarely had to rent a car.  I can do all
    that stuff, and &lt;em&gt;have done&lt;/em&gt; all that stuff, but when I'm depressed
    and obsessing over it I tend not to think clearly, and apparently it's
    really easy for me to procrastinate until it's precisely too late for
    anything but the default decision.  Which is invariably wrong.

&lt;p&gt; I had a similar problem back in 2017 with the total solar eclipse -- by
    the time I realized that I really needed to make reservations, it was too
    late.  (Though even the 95% we had in Freeland &lt;a href="https://mdlbear.dreamwidth.org/1600940.html"&gt;was pretty
    impressive&lt;/a&gt;.)  I wonder what I'll do about the one next year.  There's
    still time.  OTOH the best seeing will be in Texas.

&lt;p&gt; And I wonder what I'll do about my 55th college reunion, which is next
    year.  And a few months before that, Consonance, in the Bay Area.  Maybe I
    should practice a little before then?

&lt;p&gt; Meanwhile, here I am at OVFF.  And I'll have a pretty good time!  (Whether
    I actually do any singing in open filk circle is an open question -- so
    far I haven't.)  But I've missed seeing another group of people I'll
    probably never have a chance to see again.  It seems my bucket list has a
    hole in it.  (&lt;a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There&amp;#39;s_a_Hole_in_My_Bucket"&gt;Cue&lt;/a&gt;
    &lt;a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD-ffhvefsw"&gt;"There's a Hole in
    the Bucket"&lt;/a&gt;, which may explain some things.)

&lt;p&gt; I should post this before tomorrow.  Which is only 14 minutes away.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=mdlbear&amp;ditemid=1878222" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/&gt; comments</content>
  </entry>
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