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Done yesterday (20091004)
1004 Su
* awake 7:30ish; NPR
* up 8ish; W=194.6; drugs, nose, teeth; coffee, C
* backups: 2009-10-04T08:43:54-0700 - 2009-10-04T09:28:26-0700
* Belen borrows van to pick up a piece of stained glass.
mad tetris skillz, using a hollow-core door to keep it flat.
* Walk by Los Gatos Creek
* drugs for me (citalopram, aggrenox, ~ALA, C, tums)
* drugs for Colleen (citalopram, B12 (2500), potassium)
* bank: deposit checks, get cash.
! "I'm such a moron" (labeling) -> ok, I made another stupid mistake
(buying fitted briefs instead of panties)
& Told Colleen that I'd rather not get negative stuff the moment I come home.
! still a little depressed. Depressed? Feeling stupid and out of it.
* puttering in office; uncovering the box of 2008 receipts from April
* uncovered the box of 2008 receipts.
! *just once I'd like to...* (filtering) -> one just remembers the few bad
times; walking into a house with no problems isn't memorable.
& about 5 minutes meditation.
! restless and depressed. Naomi not going to OVFF? Possibly.
! a little whimsy with N; I seem to have allowed myself to be cheered up.
* made dinner. baked potatoes, chicken paprikash (sort of), salad.
| thought about eating something, but decided not to. Actually noticed that
I was full, and that the hunger was illusory. (What that means
is an open question.)
& bath; bed ~11pm, snuggle
I'm not sure why it was such a bad afternoon. Well, ok, I know what the trigger was: coming back from my walk and drug-shopping expedition and being told that I'd bought the wrong stuff at Walgreen's again and was going to have to go back and exchange it. But exactly why that put me into a depressive tailspin is not entirely clear. I was restless and depressed the rest of the afternoon, until a little whimsy from Naomi cheered me up. It might be better to say "I allowed myself to be cheered up".
After that it went pretty well, making yummy chicken paprikash, baked potatoes, and tomato/bell pepper/onion salad for dinner. The major accomplishment of the evening was thinking about eating something after dinner and deciding not to. I realized that I was full, and that I would only be eating for comfort. Go me.
I have now uncovered all the things I need for the taxes, but haven't gone groveling through them for the two remaining pieces of information that I need. Ugh! I could have had all this done by the first of May, if I hadn't been busy falling apart at the time.
A hot bath and warm snuggle went a long way toward soothing the frazzled bear and getting me a better night's sleep than usual.
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It still seems very hard to learn, no matter how good an idea I think it would be. I'm in very unfamiliar territory.
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Once you have that, you can figure out which ones are totally dependent on other people (snuggling with Colleen, for instance), which are partially dependent on other people (directing your walk so it includes walking past a playground full of laughing kids), and which you can do all by yourself (playing music, maybe? Making up a new joke?).
Then, when you need cheering, you can decide which attempt to implement.
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