River: end of an era

[mdlbear]

Colleen is coming home Friday!

I should be excited and happy. Instead, I'm worried, depressed, a few things I can't identify, and totally unmotivated. We're having the bedroom steam-cleaned tomorrow afternoon, and a pair of hospital beds installed tomorrow evening. I'm still not entirely packed, and the bed is still assembled.

I understand some of it. I have no idea how much care Colleen is going to need. I'm stressed because I'm almost certainly not going to be able to go to work tomorrow morning -- I'll need to clean and vacuum the bedroom floors. And so on.

Also, we've had that bed for around a quarter-century, if I remember correctly. I built it myself. Colleen grieved over chaoswolf leaving the house -- I appear to be grieving our old bed. The YD just took the mattress up to her room. I'll be sleeping on an air mattress tonight. Our lives have changed, over the last few months; I have no idea what the new "normal" will be like -- it's change, and unknown, and it scares me.

Whatever the reason, I have a great deal to do by tomorrow noon, and I'm not doing it. Instead, I'm sitting here wingeing into my posting client.

Not a happy bear.

Comments

[telynor.livejournal.com]

I haven't been commenting much on these posts, but I am reading. It's hard to look ahead into the unknown when you know your life is going to change. I think you're doing an admirable job of handling it all -- but just as soon as you can, I would suggest that you take some time for yourself. As impossible as it seems, you and your whole family will be better off for it. I assume Colleen will be getting some home visits as part of her care cycle? If that's the case, work out a rota with her carer so that at least some of the time you can use this time to take a drive, take a walk, go be in your own bear headspace for a little while. Of course you love your family, but you need to take care of you as well, not only so you can more effectively help care for Colleen but also so that you don't fear losing yourself in the process. As you get into a routine, be sure and build something itno that routine that feeds you, gives you time to unwind and be yourself, and helps you remember that your life is not 100% responsibility and work. It's important.

We're all thinking about you guys over here. Please send Colleen our congratulations on coming home, and our best wishes for as full a return to a comfortable and rewarding life as possible.

[mdlbear]

Thanks. That's a good idea.

I usually get a couple of hours in the morning to myself, but it's not really enough; my walks and music have been losing out, especially when I'm working from home.

[septemberlilac.livejournal.com]

Excellent advice above. That recent lack of sufficient "self time" is undoubtedly having a major effect on your mental state right now. It's hard to cope with more stress when you're already feeling stretched too thin.