mdlbear | River: end of an era

Colleen is coming home Friday!

I should be excited and happy. Instead, I'm worried, depressed, a few things I can't identify, and totally unmotivated. We're having the bedroom steam-cleaned tomorrow afternoon, and a pair of hospital beds installed tomorrow evening. I'm still not entirely packed, and the bed is still assembled.

I understand some of it. I have no idea how much care Colleen is going to need. I'm stressed because I'm almost certainly not going to be able to go to work tomorrow morning -- I'll need to clean and vacuum the bedroom floors. And so on.

Also, we've had that bed for around a quarter-century, if I remember correctly. I built it myself. Colleen grieved over chaoswolf leaving the house -- I appear to be grieving our old bed. The YD just took the mattress up to her room. I'll be sleeping on an air mattress tonight. Our lives have changed, over the last few months; I have no idea what the new "normal" will be like -- it's change, and unknown, and it scares me.

Whatever the reason, I have a great deal to do by tomorrow noon, and I'm not doing it. Instead, I'm sitting here wingeing into my posting client.

Not a happy bear.

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Hugs.

You've been handling a LOT of strain and change lately. No wonder that starting yet another trip into the unknown (even if, yay!, the cat will be home) is a bit overwhelming. If you were V., I'd drag you out for a little walk around the neighborhood, but I don't know if that works for you.

BTW - If you need some grunt labor tomorrow (daytime), we'll be happy to head south.

Thanks. Walking is very good for me. I usually manage to take a walk at lunchtime when I'm at work; when I'm at home it often disappears into the general round of Tasks That Must Be Done.

I don't think I'll need you; things are almost in hand modulo disassembling the bed. Alison is coming in this morning, and Jilara later, so that's probably enough for general schlepping.

But thanks for the offer -- we may well need some help next week.

Edited 2009-04-30 15:36 (UTC)

Understandable. Change is often frightening, and fear can easily become a kind of mental paralysis, but it does lessen and become manageable. It's natural that you should mourn the bed - like an old friend, it's been a part of your life for all these years, and now it's moving somewhere else. It represents everything familiar, some of which actually is changing and some of which you may only fear is changing, and you're not sure how comfortable you're going to be with what replaces it. It's very unsettling to deal with this kind of upheaval in one's life and it's not surprising that you're feeling somewhat overwhelmed right now. For me, it helped to try to focus on smaller bits and pieces rather than the big picture. Your mileage may vary - but will get better, you will get through this, and it'll be okay. Really. Here endeth the lecture. :-) Hugs.

Thanks. Intellectually, I know that, but my intellect and my emotions don't talk to one another very much; one or the other is always finding things out at second hand and getting grumpy about it.

I haven't been commenting much on these posts, but I am reading. It's hard to look ahead into the unknown when you know your life is going to change. I think you're doing an admirable job of handling it all -- but just as soon as you can, I would suggest that you take some time for yourself. As impossible as it seems, you and your whole family will be better off for it. I assume Colleen will be getting some home visits as part of her care cycle? If that's the case, work out a rota with her carer so that at least some of the time you can use this time to take a drive, take a walk, go be in your own bear headspace for a little while. Of course you love your family, but you need to take care of you as well, not only so you can more effectively help care for Colleen but also so that you don't fear losing yourself in the process. As you get into a routine, be sure and build something itno that routine that feeds you, gives you time to unwind and be yourself, and helps you remember that your life is not 100% responsibility and work. It's important.

We're all thinking about you guys over here. Please send Colleen our congratulations on coming home, and our best wishes for as full a return to a comfortable and rewarding life as possible.

Thanks. That's a good idea.

I usually get a couple of hours in the morning to myself, but it's not really enough; my walks and music have been losing out, especially when I'm working from home.

Excellent advice above. That recent lack of sufficient "self time" is undoubtedly having a major effect on your mental state right now. It's hard to cope with more stress when you're already feeling stretched too thin.

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed seems like a reasonable reaction considering all of the changes happening and things you're doing to prepare.

There's also a possibility that you might be holding off on the happiness and excitement until she's really home this time since you got burned before.

*hugs* and yay!! :)

Yeah, holding off on the happiness is certainly likely, though things are looking very hopeful at the moment. There's too much that can still go wrong.

Do you have a service coming in to do the carpet cleaning? If so, call them and see if you need to vacuum before they get there. The last time we had a professional cleaning done, we were told to not worry about the vacuuming, as their vacuum was stronger than anything we'd be able to get our hands on :-)

*hugs* change isn't always fun, even if it's necessary. And you WILL be getting Coleen back home, which will make you both happier in the long run!

Hmm. Just checked the email.

Apparently they don't need us to vacuum; we do have to get the bed and desk out of the room, though, if we expect them to clean the area underneath.

*hug*

*hugs* Thanks.

*virtual hugs*

*hugs*

Thanks!

Change is often scary. The closer that change is to your core values and loves, the scarier it is.

Much positive energy and hugs winging in your direction!!

Thanks!

*hugs*
And I'd suggest just taking it all an hour at a time; sometimes the whole picture can be really overwhelming and if you can break it down into smaller chunks it makes it more possible...

Thanks. *hugs back*

Yes; I've been doing a bit at a time with breaks for LJ, coffee, and snacks. It's done now, which is kind of amazing.

Of course, there's a mess of bags and boxes that will have to be dealt with tomorrow.

RE hospital beds: when I ended up a gimp, they wanted to get me a hospital bed. I refused. Now, having a couple in the house, I wish I hadn't. The ability to adjust the head and foot and height are *fantastic*!! Plus, if the mattress craps out, you can get the twin tall futons to replace them, and the varieties there are numerous.

So yeah, having to give up your perfect bed sucks, but hospital beds can be damn comfy, especially if you tilt the head end way up and get a tray for your laptop...

I'm just glad that Collen is coming home. Having been in a long term care environment, I know that coming home is a relief, even if getting around is a bit harder.

I keep meaning to haul my lazy butt over there, but for someone who's unemployed I seem to damn busy. Where does the damn time go?

*Hugs* to both you and Collen.

*hugs* and thanks!

Yeah; a pair of hospital beds looks like a major win. King-sized, more adjustable than the high-end monstrosities, and about a third the price.

River: end of an era

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