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[personal profile] mdlbear
1022-25 (Th-Su) OVFF
  ~ homework: observe mood in social situations.  Anxiety, or something else?
    Didn't pay close attention, but don't remember feeling much anxiety.

1022 Th
  * up 5:10; W=176.4; coffee, drugs
  ~ try to be there ~5pm for the Fetal Puppy filk.  Voting is Friday.
  * leave home ~6:00AM!!  (Marty driving) Pack food
    (could leave at 6 with someone willing to come back and take YD to school)
  ! ethanol seems to improve the connection between mind and
    (emotional) body.  maybe.  or  at least raise  my mood a little.  A
    free double on the flight doesn't seem to help my typing much.
  ! At one point -- I don't even remember whether it was before or
    after we got to Denver; probably after -- I was happy, and
    relaxed, and I knew it.  A slightly bizarre feeling.  Oh, right;
    while I was chatting with N.  Of course.
  = ThinkFruit bars - gluten free
  ~ git clone --bare on sg to get repos I can clone from barnard
    on-the-go.  (or build a tunnel, but that's scarier.)

1023 Fr
  * up 8:30ish; breakfast with Sheryl, JCBemis, Tony.  Hellos from many
    people.  Some time with France and Steven Joel.
  * Toyboat.  Good, but loud -- rock arrangements.
  * Duane Elms -- some new stuff
  * 2:45 1-shot.  Trying to decide btw ->ms-b and qv
    Right choice, I think -- got a couple of compliments
  * 3pm Heather Dale
  * 4pm Mad Hatter's Tea Party
  * 5pm Larry Warner
    ! people have gotten _old_.  Damn.
  * 6:30 Pegasus Nominees concert.
    category	 	  	my vote
    A Little Bit Rock	  	Das Uber Tuber
    A Little Bit Country  	Feygrass
    Best Classic Filk Song 	Starship & Haiku 
      (hard; S+H won because of the soaring joy of it)
    Best Filk Song   	     	Take It Back
    Best Performer		Amy
    Best Writer/Composer	Savitzky
  = bids:  179 ocarina
    	   134 Elliott Mason concert DVD
  <- panel for Baycon: the future of the book
  * called Colleen
  * IM with N. 
  * bed ~ 3am.

1024 Sa
  * up 9:30; drugs; breakfast; nose; shower
    Breakfast w. Bookwyrm; went over to join Douglas; talked
    with rms_butterfly
  * noon Margaret Middleton -- lots of great oldies
  => Must get her CD
  <- plastic card and double-sided tape to cover trackpad when I have
     a mouse handy.
  => received package of books from Elliott Mason to Mongol to
     Tibicina (she will be at LOSCON at least for a day.)
     * notified 1024 via IM from MM's concert
  * a few minutes of Karen Anderson's Interfilk concert
  * 2:30 harmony workshop
    Indigo Girls - easy to hear harmonies - learn to sing along with
    either part.  EC is another good one for learning to hear the
    separate parts.  Simon & Garfunkle
    Choirs are good (UU is possible).  Rounds.
    Row Row Row; 3 parts, slowly. Mary O'Meara
  * 4p MEW concert.  Cast of thousands (well, an even dozen) onstage.
    Quoted Tom Smith: "filk is serious", then opened with Itsy Bitsy
    Spider.  Magical.  
  * Kathy Mar tells me I need to be at the circle this evening; I'm
    being set up for something by Kanef.
  * Pegasus banquet.  Maybe I'll have a chance next year
    ! disappointed; resigned.
    but of course the fruit bars aren't being made anymore.  GAAH.
  * Kanef: Monkey Brains TTTO Paper Wings (sung by Kathy)
  * bed after 3am; didn't get to sleep until nearly 4. slept well.
  * Just Plain Folk circle
    (09:50:30 PM) nrivkis: Request, though: would you get together with
      Joellyn and run the Just Plain Folk circle? People have come to expect
      it; I don't want it not to happen because I'm not there, and you're
      enough of a folk musician to do it well.

1025 Su
  * up 9am; drugs; breakfast; nose
    The inflatable cervical pillow worked wonderfully.
  & Not a whole lot of conversation at breakfast; was at a table with
    5 people I didn't know, so mostly out of the loop
  & Nice talk with Kanef
  * 4:30ish meet for dinner
  * print boarding pass 
  * Xap -- [ profile] exapno
  * Dinner at BD's with Judy Bemis, Tony, Karen Anderson, Josh & Lisa
  | itch on my neck.  
  ! bits of sadness mixed in today; people are leaving, and many I
    never got a chance to talk with, or as much time as I wanted.
    End-of-convention blues hitting a little harder than usual.
  | 7ish sleepy
  * 8:15 in the dead dog.  Zombies.  And food.
    9:14 Wheelin' 
    nice longish talk with Shaddyr (Cindy) 
    sang QV for Lisa in the hallway circle
    World Inside the Crystal requested by Harold Stein.

1026 Mo
  * up 9:30; drugs, nose; breakfast
  * breakfast with Shaddyr, Yehuda.
  * noonish leave hotel (lunch at airport) RK1SNS
    United 7573 Depart: CMH 3:24 PM Arrive: DEN 4:55 PM
    United 0723 Depart: DEN 6:50 PM Arrive: SJC 8:34 PM
  & nice conversation with the cabbie; tipped high because I didn't
    realize that he couldn't take credit cards, and he let me dash in
    to an ATM.  Win.
  & there's an OLPC somewhere in the airport.
    Columbus does their WiFi *right* -- just connect and you're in.
  ! reasoabably calm.  Slightly down because the con's over, but only
    a little.
  & hung out with Mabel, the filker who owns the XO
  " (02:59:03 PM) me: Wishing Southwest would take the All Worlds Pass
    I got at  They really should, you know. 
  & so after pulling the essentials out into a separate bag, there
    isn't room for the rolly overhead.  Fortunately it fits underseat.
  & My seatmate is a pretty young woman studying geology; her bf is
    going to be spending a year in Antarctica.  Sleeping.
  = The messenger bag is about the right size, but a backpack would be
    much better.  Maybe one of the small stuffable ones.
  = United's Embraer 170's have no supports under the seats, and I
    think a bit more height - the fully-loaded rolly fit just fine.
  ! 5:38 EDT restless.  anxious?  Weird.  Maybe hungry rather than
    anxious, then.
  & There are birds living in the Denver terminal!
  ! aha: (forgotten while leaving the plane)
  = bag: shoulder bag with a wide strap on d-rings and swivels would
    work.  No flap, and symmetrical if there's anything on the strap.
  = earplug phones should go into the travel bag.
  * finished Marooned In Realtime

1027 Tu   
  * up 6:30; W=198.0; drugs, nose, teeth; coffee
  * backups: 2009-10-27T08:56:03-0700 - 2009-10-27T09:31:11-0700
  @ -- all of Elfquest 
  & Yet another demo tomorrow; some mysterious glitches but basically it works.
  * contacted by the owner of 
    (the RDNA site on Geocities)  See also mail.rdna  Note that sounds
    too official for him.  We'll get it worked out.  Possibly give him  He's already paying for hosting.
  * move dated files from barnard to nova
  * aha: Remembered one of Tuesday's Aha items: my "social anxiety" is more
    likely to be a self-esteem issue.  I simply can't believe that talking to
    me is going to be interesting or important than what someone else is
    doing.  (1028) The other one may have been that I expect to be ignored,
    not criticized or rejected.
  * merge Journals/2009* into Dog and PJ
  * bath 10:30, bed ~11; snuggle

1028 We np
  & awake 3ish, 5ish; got back to sleep.
  * up 7:30; W=198.6; coffee; drugs, nose
    The Giniweasel Rules For Poly
  * post Wishful Wednesday.  Post about work party, halloween party
  * Colleen: humira: 1 syringe.
  * Walk: around the pond twice
  = new affirmations:  
    I am an interesting person.
    People enjoy talking to me.
  & "You know that server project you've been working on that's due to be
    finished at the end of December?  How about getting a simplified version
    going by the end of next week?"  (I'll probably have most of it by the end
    of _this_ week, but still...)
  * Colleen's using the back bathroom now!
  * booked flights to/from Seattle for Conflikt
  * bed ~11:45; Snuggle

Eeep!! A week is way too long to be playing catch-up. I haven't fallen behind on my reading, so my pants aren't bankrupt; I wonder what item of clothing corresponds to posting. Shirt, maybe.

I think that if you want the details, you'll have to slog through the notes. (Ugh!)

Most of the week was, of course, taken up by OVFF, which was wonderful even if I didn't win a Pegasus -- there are people I only see once or twice a year, and I did a lot of catching up. I even met a few new people. I only sang a handful of songs. That's ok.

MEW's concert was magical, with a stage full of backup musicians. Wow. And it was especially good to hear Duane Elms in concert after all the years he's been away from filk.

The netbook worked out OK; I only felt a need for more battery life a couple of times. The biggest problem was not having set up synchronization via git before I left. Next time.

I didn't end up paying up as much attention to my emotions as I intended to, but I don't think I noticed much anxiety interacting with people. The major insight is that most, if not all, of my problems in that area are due to low self-esteem, not social anxiety. It's not that I expect to be rejected; I expect to be ignored. Or perhaps that I set things up so that I'm more likely to be ignored, because that's easier to handle than rejection. Yeah. That.

I have a really hard time imagining that somebody might prefer talking to me to whatever they're doing at the moment.

The next week is likely to be busy. My boss cornered me late yesterday afternoon and said something like "You know that server project you've been working on that's due to be finished at the end of December? How about getting a simplified version going by the end of next week?" Right. Oddly enough, that's going to be pretty easy. But still...

Date: 2009-10-29 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] hms42
Just a comment... World Inside the Crystal.... That was the 2nd time over the weekend that it was an appropriate follower and on topic too. (I asked Kathy Mar for it in the dawn patrol group the night before.) Its a good song.

Date: 2009-10-29 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I enjoyed the time we spent together at OVFF. See you at Loscon.

Date: 2009-10-30 09:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm glad I got a chance to sit at the same table with you at the banquet. Didn't get a lot of chance to *talk* with folks as much as I wanted this year, though.

It was good seeing you again, though. I'm looking forward to ConSonance!

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