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mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Not really a terrifically good week, though Colleen's friend Bun-Bun has moved up from central CA, which brightened things considerably. And Colleen spontaneously told me how much she loves the house -- it helped a lot.

The main stressor is the fact that I'm basically broke. The San Jose house (I'm starting to not think of it as the Starport anymore -- that's a good thing) is a drain on our resources, my credit cards are mostly maxed out, and my checking account is in the red. (The bank kindly pays up to about $1500 in overdrafts, but still charge me a $33 fee for each item. It helps, but not quite enough.)

It's depressing to think about, especially knowing that it's all because of a long series of stupid financial decisions on my part. Plus a lot of letting things ride instead of making a decision. As I remarked on Facebook, this probably wasn't the best week to start trying to cut back on my SSRI in hopes of reversing the weight gain.

I got a lot of good, and encouraging, feedback from that post. Thanks, folks! It helps.

I've basically spent all weekend puttering, which at least accomplishes something. Still a lot to do, mostly paperwork-like things that I hate. Grumph.

Links, as usual, in the notes. Including Radio3, which I might be able to use to simplify logging links.

raw notes, with links )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Hmm. Lots of links this week. Not a whole lot else, except that Curio seems to have decided -- finally! -- that my lap is a good place to hang out. He sat in it for about two hours yesterday.

Yesterday Colleen and I went up to Sky Nursery and bought berry bushes and tomato plants, which I put in today. And today is Father's Day, which I will make a separate post about later.

raw notes, with links )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

The big news for this week is that the Starport is up for sale. You can see it at 343LeighAve.com/ (which immediately redirects to 343leighave.isnowforsale.com, but it's kind of cute anyway), here on Zillow, and likewise here, here, and here. Make me a high enough offer and I'll throw in theStarport.com.

Um... maybe I should update that site?

The miserable headache I had last night turns out to have been due to dehydration. I need to drink more. Water, that is. I probably don't need to drink more coffee or gin. Beer?

Comcast has been giving us trouble all week; first a widespread outage in our area on Tuesday, then video flakiness yesterday. Thinking seriously of dumping them and going to CenturyLink and Dish. Tempting.

Work has been fairly interesting; I'm starting to work on a new (internal) service. Which means learning new things, which is fun even while being frustrating.

I've been doing a lot of puttering, including some yardwork. I hate yardwork. Grumpy bear. For some reason I like putting dishes into the dishwasher, but not putting them away after they're clean. Why, yes, I am avoiding paperwork. I disappoint myself frequently.

The usual hodge-podge of links and random notes below.

raw notes, with links )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

A rather boring week bracketed by great music. Last Sunday we had Heather Dale and Ben Deschamps at Rainbow's End's first house concert. And this weekend we're at Norwescon, with both concerts and filking (see notes)... and the high point was, definitely, Glenn proposing marriage to Naomi during the intermission. She said yes. Heather had ended her first set with "As I Am".

The second set was all about love and marriage. (Not both together, necessarily -- it included "The Devil and the Farmer's Wife".)

On the flip side, I continue to be arthritic and mildly depressed. The low point of the week was filing for an extension on my taxes. Which was a mistake -- I should have filed and then filed an amended return when I finally get all the deductions and business expenses together. It was, of course, horrendous: I sold a lot of stock to buy and renovate Rainbow's End.

I haven't been enjoying Norwescon all that much. Mostly hiding in a corner reading on my laptop. Grump. Grumpity grump. Oh, and the hotel's wifi is seriously overloaded, and the restaurant service is slow and barely competent. *sigh*

There are links in the notes, as usual. The perceptive reader may also notice an item at the end of the notes that will, hopefully, turn into a post sometime soon.

raw notes, with links )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Oh. Right. I started working on this an hour or so ago and got distracted when my Mom called. So.

Last Monday was our return from Consonance -- I'd booked the latest flight, which allowed us to do some visiting and talk with the realtor. It seems many people are sad about losing the Starport -- it has, after all, been a fannish landmark for over three decades. *sigh* Keeping two houses just isn't feasible. I just hope the proceeds are enough to cover the new construction.

Naomi's friend Rika flew up with her and spent the week; we had quite a lot of music at the house, and visitors most nights. No complaints from me! The week ended with Colleen's birthday party yesterday. We still haven't built up a good list for these things; we'll have to work on that. Also a household calendar and mailing list -- probably means I have an excuse to learn Wordpress, or something like it.

Yesterday, along with the party, I installed a pair of powerline ethernet dongles. Took me forever to do it, partly because the house has two breaker boxes (meaning there are outlets that can't talk to one another), and partly because I misunderstood how the "sync" button works. It really means "rotate keys", not "synchronize" :P. The extension router is now installed in the coffee niche.

The gadgets are advertised as "500MHz", but only have 100MHz ethernet; 500 must be the aggregate across all nodes in the network. We definitely need to install some cable. *sigh*

raw notes, with links )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Not such a long week. But both productive and exhausting in its own way.

Sunday of Conflikt was pretty good, especially Jeff Bohnhoff's "Alternate Guitar Chords" workshop, and some great music. But around, what, 4pm? Colleen's scooter abruptly stopped working. Dead in its tracks, with the battery indicator happily stuck at the halfway point, where it's always been for the last several months. The YD, who was accompanying Colleen between buildings, proceeded to panic. I talked her through pushing the scooter back indoors and plugging in the charger.

As soon as I could, I got down there, to find that there was enough charge in the battery to move slowly, but not fast -- push too far and it would simply cut off. So charging helps. I had some difficulty persuading the YD to help me get Colleen all the way into the conference center and up to the Conflikt lobby, where she would be warm and have music and company while the battery charged.

At which point it developed that the YD needed to get home and finish her homework. Due Monday. Oooooookay then. I drove her home, which gave me the opportunity to drop off most of the luggage, swap vehicles, and snag a walker at Naomi's in case charging the battery didn't help.

But of course it did help -- the battery finished charging, and the scooter was just fine. I still don't trust it.

Monday was reasonably productive, plus the inevitable odds and ends of paperwork. Despite coming down with the con crud. The chills came on the way home; I went to bed early, under a pile of blankets.

I woke up feeling as though I was swimming in sweat, of course, and wisely decided to work from home. I got through two new API methods that had been scheduled for two days each.

Which was a good thing, since I wasn't quite as productive Wednesday, when I had a urology appointment in the morning and got to sit around while Colleen had an MRI in the afternoon. All afternoon, as it turned out. So much for going in and pushing my changes to the local github in mid-afternoon. I started writing functional tests.

... but all in all not that bad a week, considering.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

OK, I guess that could also have been "done this month". Felt like it, too. Between a dentist appointment (crown prep, only I think I also ended up getting a root canal out of the deal), and some unexpected errand-running, I ended up missing about 6 hours worth of work. Managed to make up most of it, but not all. PTO would have been really nice to have had.

On the other hand, it was a pretty productive week, both at work and at home. So I'm not going to complain too much. I am going to complain, though. I Do Not Need the many kinds of stress that I had to deal with. No, I'm not going into details; you can probably figure most of it out from the notes.

There were some good things, though. Went to Alderwood Mall with Colleen, Emmy, and Naomi. Oysters for lunch at Anthony's -- yum!

On the gripping hand, with several restaurant meals under my belt (literally), my weight has crept up over 200. Do Not Like. And my blood pressure is edging up into the Not So Good range; both of these are probably related to my having run out of my BP pills, which include a diuretic. (Not to worry -- I'm still on one of my two BP-related meds, and will be setting up an appointment soon to deal with the rest of it.)

Found out that one of the developers in my "pod" is 25 years old. That's younger than my older daughter! No wonder he seems a little inexperienced...


The YD's laptop wasn't charging. She was freaking out about it for a day or so, until she noticed that the charging cord was badly frayed just at the strain relief. Problem solved, since it was a 19V charger and I had another in my Big Box of (power) Bricks. Win.

Quote of the week: "[I have] started thinking about the contradictions inherent in the fact that I like learning things, but am very uncomfortable when I feel that I'm out of my depth. Fallacy somewhere, I fancy."

Link of the week: The Wordsmith's Forge - Poem: "The Formless Ones". Very powerful; possibly triggery (nightmares and PTSD following rape). Part of Ysabet's "Path of the Paladins" series; I think it stands pretty well on its own, but you might want to chase links from her serial poetry page to the rest of it.

I'm also intrigued by the idea of An asexual YA heroine? Why not?. As I said in a comment there, " I have no idea where I am on the a/sexual a/romantic spectrum -- alexithymia will do that -- but it's more on the a- side these days, and a book like this would probably have done me a lot of good when I was a YA."

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

My sister-of-choice, [personal profile] pocketnaomi, is still looking for a housemate: the person she was expecting to move in last week backed out at the last minute.

See her post on DW (or here on LJ) for details.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

I guess the main event from the weekend was lunch with our old friends Alan and Jeanne Rognlie, who moved out of the Bay Area some 32 years ago. We met for lunch at the AFK Tavern, although no gaming ensued. Good visit.

We decided to have Thanksgiving dinner here; the fridge is now full of turkey. The living room is still full of boxes; we're going to at least move them out of the center of the room. It'll have to do. Progress is, in any case, being made.

I also wrote a poem on Saturday.

I converted my mobile phone plan to a shared-data plan. It includes unlimited voice and text, and 10GB of shared data. The way the pricing works is a little weird, with the price per phone going down as data goes up; 10GB was only $10 more than 6GB. I end up saving about $60/month.

Musical links for the weekend include this Adorably Gruesome Public Service Announcement About Death And Dismemberment, and of course "American Hostess Pie" to the obvious tune.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

OK, a weekend short of two weeks. Too much to summarize. Elections happened. (You'll find a bit of analysis in the links.) Work happened. Looked in several of the local stores for a Nexus 7, and didn't find one. Guess I'll have to order online. Upgraded my netbook to Ubuntu 12.04, and Colleen's to 12.10 because .04 was a disaster. .10 isn't perfect, but at least it supports the Dell's stupid Poulsbo video. Sorta. Still doesn't suspend properly, which sucks.

There also seems to be something majorly wrong -- it can take up to 20 minutes to boot! I suspect disk, but it could be something even more serious. We discussed options; she may be better off with an Android tablet or chromebook. I forwarded her email to her gmail account, which pretty much takes care of the only reason for connecting to the in-house network. That's still flaky, probably because of interference.

Last weekend also included a massage from N, who is studying massage therapy at Cortiva. She's *good*, and I especially enjoyed having her talk through what she's doing and observing. It also started me off on a week's worth of link-chasing around anatomy, and especially muscles.

I ran out of my morning BP pills (lisinopril/HCTZ) on Sunday, so have been watching my blood pressure. Unfortunately I didn't get a couple of baseline readings last week. It's marginally pre-hypertensive now, but not worrisome; I'll see what happens in the next week. By which time the supply I mail-ordered from Kaiser should be here, assuming they ship to ex-members. One reason I'm not particularly worried is that I'm still on doxazosin for my BPH, and was noticing occasional dizziness on standing up. Which suggests that it may have been too much before.

Noteworthy quotes:

"Hmm... my panic attacks feed on fear, they lie all the time, they try to control me, they threaten me with dying and going to hell, and they don't care in the slightest for logic. They can be defeated by ridicule, because for all their bluster they aren't very bright, but they don't admit defeat; they just regroup with another dirty tactic and try again. Maybe they're Republicans?" --Nora Rivkis in Facebook

Colleen: I hate it when my Kindle freezes.

Me: Speak sharply to your little toy / And boot it when it freezes. / It only does it to annoy / Because it knows it teases.

All the horrible details, plus bonus links, in the notes below. Feel free to give them the tl;dr treatment. I need to start doing this more often.

raw notes )
mdlbear: (nike)

Two signals to boost tonight:

The first is my sister-of-choice [personal profile] pocketnaomi, who posts Roommate wanted: Shoreline, WA. The room is just as delightful as she describes it.

The second is [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith, whose Poetry Fishbowl is Open on the theme of "influential women."

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Another week gone by. Do people prefer the weekly dumps, or daily dribbles? Inquiring minds and all that.

Worrying news on the job front -- $COMPANY, which last I heard was about to hire me as soon as they got through some back-office stuff, has re-organized. There's a new hiring manager, and apparently he has some concerns. AARGH! I have a new set of interviews on Tuesday. If this falls through I'm unlikely to get anything before my severance pay runs out.

In retrospect it's a good thing I couldn't get a Friday slot -- I apparently came down with a 24-hour virus of some sort. With luck I'm over it now, but I was pretty miserable yesterday afternoon and evening. Went to bed 10:30ish and slept for 11 hours.

In other news, I've done a little music with Naomi, and fixed a mysterious problem I'd been having with my mail reader.

I have been realizing more and more how much we'd been relying on Colleen's support network back in San Jose: Liz (and Marty and Alison before her), Safeway.com, ... Housekeeping, shopping, and driving Colleen places are nearly a full-time job. I'll be happy when the YD gets her license.

Speaking of the YD, she's an official AVON Representative now.

I want a Nexus 7 and a pair of Want. Also want Equator D5 Studio Monitors. Grump. When I get a job, damnit...

Since the Hugos were announced, I've been reading Digger by Ursula Vernon, the winner for best graphic story. Go read it -- it's amazing.

Lots of links, as one would expect for a week's worth.

raw notes )
mdlbear: "Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than to curse the darkness" - Terry Pratchett (flamethrower)
Two very different, very well-written comments on the Readercon mess. catsittingstill | Readercon and stray dogs pocketnaomi: Readercon and me ETA: Readercon: Public Statement
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

See music: "... and I'm five hundred miles from my home." Actually more like 800. San Jose; Logan, Utah; and Lake Forest Park, Wa are at the vertices of an 800-mile equilateral triangle, more or less. Sunday the 24th I headed out toward Logan for my brother's wedding. Fortunately, I don't mind driving.

The wedding itself was Tuesday, with no less than seven granddaughters serving as flower-girls. Fun! Wednesday afternoon was devoted to a hike, with many of the grand-kids. Glad I'd packed my hiking boots.

Thursday the 28th, after having breakfast with the family (Mom paid for it), I set out on the second leg of the trip, up I84 and I82 through western Idaho and eastern Oregon and Washington to Shoreline and Lake Forest Park - a particularly pleasant drive, all through places I hadn't been before.

I arrived at the new apartment 2ish and unloaded, and finally made it to Naomi's at 4pm, just in time for a phone interview with EnergySavvy. And the Friday before the trip was a phone interview with Google, which went well enough for them to schedule me an on-site this last Monday. I'll get to that in the next installment.

Oh, and while I was traveling, I was juggling calls from moving companies coming in to give us estimates on the move. (We eventually went with one of the more expensive bids because it seemed to be the most competent and thorough.)

Lots of links in the notes, along with assorted travel notes.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Hmm. Doesn't look like much, does it? It was actually a very productive day at work, hustling to triage my files, document my directories, and set up a couple of servers before I go. No walk; the weather was cold and threatening, and it was in fact raining by the time I left.

I also played travel agent (I'm not a travel agent, but I play one on the web), extending my Norwescon trip to return on Wednesday 4/11 instead of Monday, so that I can look at apartments. And moving Naomi's visit to the first weekend in May to accommodate a suddenly-full April.

And my new social security card arrived, though it turned out I didn't need it immediately.

So... not a bad day. Busier than it looks from the notes. One link, on Feminist Characters in SF/F.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Most of the day -- the afternoon and evening -- was spent at Jennifer and Moshe's Wedding I'm very glad we went, even though it was exhausting and loud and... Such a lot of happy energy! Great people-watching, too. I decided to sit with Colleen and some of the other old folks and watch the dancing rather than try to join it. Considering how exhausted I was when I flopped into bed, this was probably a good choice.

I seem to have become one of the "old folks" -- I'm clearly in the parents' generation now. My (younger) brother has grandkids. Gleep!

Given the noise level -- far too high for talking -- I spent pretty much the entire event, except for the actual ceremony, in a little personal bubble, not even trying to get into conversations. I seem to have gotten better at that, and I'm getting used to it as well. I do wish they'd mixed people up; we knew everyone at our table (the "filkers' table"), so I didn't get to meet anyone at dinner, and only two people at one of the receptions.

But, a good day. I'll take it.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

The last two days have been pretty good, actually. I walked seven miles, and finished one of the three tech reports that have to be written this month.

The walking was kind of stupid, of course. I got back to the office after a nice, three-mile walk, and discovered that both my keys and my phone were missing. So I backtracked (after checking around my desk and the car), and found them right where expected to: in the middle of the sidewalk where I'd taken my jacket off. Hell of an excuse, but at least I was in decent shape for walking, for the first time in a week.

The phone, of course, was on my nightstand. I had apparently forgotten to plug the charging cable in, but... (When I plug the charging cable in, I loop it across the front of the nightstand so that when I open the drawer for my underwear, I can't help noticing it. One of my little semi-automatic reminders that usually works. But sometimes not.)

Let's see... Wednesday I stopped at Ross on my way home from group, and found a 25" Samsonite suitcase. It's something I'd been looking for ever since Colleen's paisley monster croaked and I gave her my old one. This one is black, butt-ugly, and not as shiny as the newer ones, but has a loop for carrying a second suitcase, which was something I was looking for specifically.

Yesterday evening, I made pretty good progress updating the Steve.Savitzky.net and LookingglassFolk.com websites after our concert at Conflikt 2012. Still need the audio, of course.

Quite a few good links in the notes, though most of them are "good" in the sense of infuriating, rather than informative or amusing. Stuff like 6 Things You Need To Know About the Komen Foundation/Planned Parenthood Controversy and One Town's War on Gay Teens (TRIGGER WARNING!), both via Kee Hinkley on G+.

raw notes )
mdlbear: (depleted)

I'm not sure batching my posts is significantly less work, but I seem to have fallen into that mode by default. We'll see how it goes; comments welcome.

It's been a rough month this last weekend. The back pain I felt yesterday was only part of it. Yeah, more exercise would probably help. Time? Ha!

Let's see... paid my sales tax, G&S (wonderful!), not as much practice as I wanted needed, helping friends (and trying to provide emotional support, which Middle-Sized Bears can apparently do, but don't really know how they do), making travel and other logistical arrangements, a couple of arguments with the YD, who seems to dig in her heels at every request or suggestion I or Colleen makes), ...

I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted needed to. I can haz xtra hrs plz? The trouble with this planet is that it spins just too damned fast.

Plenty of links down there in the notes, plus bonus haiku (Friday) and some dream notes (Saturday).

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Pretty good week so far, actually. A lot of my mindspace early in the week was taken up by a River post on telling your friends what they need to hear, which replaced a previous post with, let's just say, more heat and much less light.

But I mostly kept up the momentum from the latter half of last week, and got quite a lot done. In particular, I managed to get some music-related work done every day, three walks and a drive with Colleen, and a lot of small but important tasks at work. Breaking things down into tiny steps really seems to work for me, and while there aren't all that many items here tagged with "15min", there probably should have been.

Sunday's drive was glorious. We reversed our usual route and drove up I280 to 92, then south along the coast via Highway 1 to Santa Cruz, and back by way of 17. This gave us a better view of the ocean than usual, and we saw a gorgeous effect that I'd never seen before -- bits of sunlight streaming through gaps in the clouds and making bright patches far out on the ocean, made more visible by the contrast. Just... wow.

I made chicken soup with rice for dinner. From scratch, using the chicken bones I'd saved from Saturday's broccoli chicken. Yum.

Monday I finally put two and two together and realized that the fact that my (AT&T) cell phone signal at work had gone from unusable to 100% and the fact that a group from Apple had moved in next door might possibly be related. Ya think?

Tuesday morning I had a nice conversation with the YD -- every once in a while she gets up early. Later that evening, I worked on the blackout code for steve.savitzky.net, lookingglassfolk.com, tempered-glass.info, tres-qique.com, and pocketpoems.net, using code from SopaBlackout.org. (I understand that PIPA won't be brought to a cloture vote today as previously scheduled. The net can kick ass sometimes.)

Wednesday I woke up remembering a dream mostly about plumbing. No idea what that signifies. Thursday I finally got printing back online for the netbooks and the YD's laptop. The latter also required booting from the "startup repair" partition and waiting for an hour or so while it cranked away, fixing what appeared to be a corrupt filesystem. Pretty slick, actually. F12. It would be nice if the boot screen actually mentioned that feature, though.

Note to self: make a restore disk first thing when configuring a new Windows machine.

I don't know whether batching up my daily updates like this is a good idea or not, but I do seem to have a little more time on days when I forget. I thought briefly of doing a "Wednesday Wrap-up", but I'd forgotten by the time I got home. They say your memory is the second thing to go.

I've forgotten the first.

Quite a few links, on a wide range of topics. I'm going to signal-boost [livejournal.com profile] moon_fox's Character Art Jam, in part because I left a prompt there (and a tip).

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

It's kind of ironic -- two days ago I wrote a post asking my friends to call me on my mistakes. Then followed it up with another post that several people called me on. Quite rightly, because I got carried away by my own rhetoric, and lost track of the points I was really trying to make. Being angry, upset, and short on sleep can lead to stupid mistakes, as I damned well ought to know from occasionally trying to drive in that condition.

It's doubly ironic, because I was trying to call some friends on their mistakes. Let's try again, shall we?

Sometimes you have to tell a friend something they really don't want to hear. It's hard. Sometimes it involves a mistake they don't realize they're making, which is bad enough. Sometimes it involves something they're afraid to admit to themselves. That's worse; because it can be perceived as a threat to who they think they are. You can lose a friend, messing with that kind of dynamite. Been there, done that.

Usually they don't listen, but if you're really their friend, you have to try. Sometimes, as in the case I'm thinking of at the moment (I'll get to some specifics further down), you make stupid mistakes that dilute your message. It's really easy for them to focus on a fact you got wrong, or the hurtful way you said it, and to ignore the message.

It's all to easy to give up at that point, or to not even get to that point. To pat them on the head and say "I hope everything gets resolved" or some such, and go on your way hoping that you were right. It's guaranteed to make your friend feel better, which is a good thing, right?

Maybe not.

(Aside: I now understand a little better where religious evangelists are coming from. But I'm not going there tonight.)

So let's get to the specific case in point. If you're tired of seeing posts about what's going on with my friends in Seattle, you might want to stop here. Or, better, you might want to read on and comment if you see me getting it wrong again. Because I think it's important to keep trying.


Here's the main point: my friend (not "former" friend -- if I didn't still care a lot about her, I'd just give up on her) has said repeatedly that she's not a danger now. That "I do not wish her harm". That she's on her guard now, and has her temper under control.

That. Is. Her. Mistake. How can she possibly know?

It's been less than two months since the assault. The court has ordered a psychiatric evaluation, but that hasn't happened yet. Let alone any therapy that might be recommended (or required -- I don't know how these things work) as a result. She hasn't yet finished -- may not even have started -- the anger management program that would teach her how to keep her temper in check.

I don't think she ever wished to harm her partner. But she did. She says that her temper is under control. But she said that before the attack, too. She was wrong then, what makes anyone think she isn't wrong now?

She said "But that isn't me" -- but if that's true, then there's somebody else in her head, who comes out when she's angry and takes over her body. Maybe I'm wrong about that bit -- I'm neither a psychiatrist nor an exorcist. It sure sounded like that, the times I heard her voice when she got angry.

That kind of thing can take years to get a handle on -- I've spoken to some of my friends who've struggled with various forms of dissociation. It's not something that she can fix in a couple of months before even knowing in detail what she's up against. There's a reason why she's going to be under the court's supervision for the next two years, and why an order of protection runs for a year and can be renewed for a second.

It's going to be a long, hard road. And it's going to require deep, lasting change, which I know from talking with her former partner is what she's really terrified of. No wonder she's looking for shortcuts!


But this isn't just about my friend, it's also about her friends. Yeah, some of you, too.

Do you really you're doing her a favor when you let her lie to herself? When you let her shift as much of the blame as possible to her victim? When you tell her you hope this all gets resolved soon? Cat makes a good point - "resolved" doesn't mean "blows over and everything goes back to normal", but more like "good progress getting her life back together". She's doing that, and I applaud her for it.

How about telling her the truth -- that she's looking at a couple of years of court-ordered inconvenience and hard psych work? And, if you're really her friend, that you're going to give her all the help and encouragement you can, but she has to start walking down that road herself before she can get to the end of it.

... it's getting late, and I'm liable to say something stupid if I keep going in this direction. Must. Keep. Walking... G'night, friends.

ETA: I know all of her friends wish her well, and that some of you may be giving her good advice and help behind the scenes. Keep it up! I've been trying that route, too; there's a lot of email you haven't seen. She's going to need a lot of support from all of us over the next couple of years.

ETA(2): Barring something very unusual happening, I expect this to be my last post on this subject. Flame wars are unproductive and exhausting, and I may not be getting any wiser, but I'm certainly getting older. I hope to provide more light and less heat in the future.

mdlbear: (bday song)

... to my dear friend, singing partner, and sister-of-choice [livejournal.com profile] pocketnaomi!!!!!

May your next year be filled with love, joy, and music!

mdlbear: (river)

I'm not really sure how to go about this. And it's getting late. So I'm going to take the easy way out...

REDACTED: That was bloody stupid of me, wasn't it? Bears can be clumsy sometimes. I'm leaving this in place for the sake of the comments, which I found very valuable, but if you want me to remove yours just let me know.

This post should have been sent in email or a private message. I'm really sorry about any damage I caused with it, and will try to be more careful and less clumsy in the future. In particular, I need to stop posting about what I think is going on in other people's heads -- I'm extremely bad at it.

I will, however, stand by what I think is the point I ought to have been making, which is that when somebody has demonstrated that they don't have full control of what's going on in their own head, it will take more than a few weeks of good intentions to get it back. It may take a year or two of hard work.

And that I think such a person's friends would be doing them a service to remind them of that fact.

mdlbear: (river)

It's a day late, but... I'm thankful for:

  • Friends who care about me enough to call me on my bullshit.
  • Being willing to listen, and fix my mistakes if possible, when they do.
  • The scientific method, which is basically exactly that.
  • Naomi and Colleen, who have been just that kind of friend when I needed it, more times than I like to think.
  • Having been turned down by someone I'm now glad not to have gotten more deeply involved with.
mdlbear: portrait of me holding a guitar, by Kelly Freas (freas)

I spent the weekend in Seattle with my sister of choice and bandmate Naomi; less than 48 hours, but a good visit and well worth it. We had a couple of great rehearsals, and some very nice quiet time together. I also had brunch Saturday morning with [personal profile] chaoswolf, which was nice.

I noticed a big adrenaline rush getting off the plane and through the airport. No telling whether it had an emotional component -- excitement? -- or was just the natural result of juggling my luggage and walking a little faster than usual. Alexithymia strikes again. For some reason my walking pace depends a lot on location; airports are fast.

I also took a look at the Conflikt program grid, and determined that our concert will be at 8pm on Friday. It's a really full schedule. But it's a good time; second concert of the evening, prime time, right before open filking. And we'll have the rest of the weekend to recover.

Saturday, as I said earlier, I started the day having brunch with the Wolfling, then a good run-through, and quite a lot of nice quiet time with Naomi. We had another, even better, practice session Sunday -- we basically nailed the tough ones, and I got some nice clean recordings to take home and remind me. I tend to forget things like melodies and timing, if I don't hear them often enough.

N. also told me that she likes my computer glasses, which are "rimless"; she says they give a much better view of my face. It's too bad that they don't make them with lenses large enough to be usable as bifocals. But it's nice that I'll be using them to perform in, since a music stand is at almost exactly the same distance as a monitor.

Links. Quite a few links. I got Navigating Love and Autism - NYTimes.com by way of a paper clipping my Mom mailed me. It wasn't findable in google -- they apparently expect you to go their site and search there. Idiots! But a pretty good article.

I got mentioned in a review of a Harry Potter/Callahan's crossover.

And here's an article "On illustrating poetry" by [personal profile] meeks, who made my river icon.

raw notes )
mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Not all that good a day. I woke up with a painful cramp in my right calf -- this has happened before, I don't know what causes it, and I don't like it. At least, after the first few steps, it didn't hurt to walk. But in the afternoon after I did walk about half a mile, which actually seemed to help, it hurt more the next time I stood up after sitting for a couple of hours.

Still hurts a little after a night with muscle relaxant and naproxen. *goes to take another dose*

I left my computer glasses at work. The old ones are noticably worse.

... and Chaos's keys and student ID/transit pass ended up getting dropped into a random mailbox, rather than our mailbox. I would love to have listened to the conversation wherein the two people involved each managed to confirm what they thought the other meant, rather than what was actually said. Not a happy bear; Colleen thinks I got inappropriately angry. It certainly drove off most of the Wednesday guests; the house was empty well before 11.

Growf. Not a good day. Be nice if I could breathe, too.

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mdlbear: (river)

It was a good day, though slightly strange, and very much a day "on the River".

Most of my mindspace was taken up with working on another "difficult" email. The word is in quotes not because it wasn't, but because that's really an understatement. But she asked what it would take, for the sake of our old friendship. N and I had to give it all we had, and we did.

The day was well-spend indeed, but draining. As you may know, I'm not very good at "feeling" my emotions; I mostly have to go by the physical symptoms. I can tell you that I felt a heck of a lot more exhausted after hitting the "send" key than I did after my 3-mile walk in the afternoon. (It was perfect walking weather, BTW.)

I finished the day by making crab lasagne for [personal profile] chaoswolf's last dinner at home. A pound of crabmeat, a box and a half of rice noodles, a quart and a half of cottage cheese, two pounds of grated cheese, and a quart and a half of bechamel. Go me! (Next time I'll go back to ricotta, though; the cottage cheese is a little too moist.)

Only one link: Public Domain Day 2012: Five things we can do in the US. It celebrates the works entering the public domain this year. But not in the US, thanks to the latest extension our idiot congress passed. Opposite of progress.

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mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

There's a Party at Grand Central Starport today. The drinks are in the tub, the cheese is out, and the meat (ham and chili) are in progress. All we need now are guests.

Meanwhile, yesterday wasn't a particularly good day, though I did manage to be moderately productive at work. A lot of the afternoon and evening were spent dealing with the ongoing drama in Seattle, one side effect of which was being removed from a "friends" list. For the second time. Disappointing, but not nearly as disappointing as the person herself.

*sighs* On a more cheerful (?) note, here are a thought-provoking cartoon (some more good stuff in the comments) and a thought-provoking political post.

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mdlbear: (river)

I get attached to things. Sometimes I hold on to them even after they're worn out. I have a dozen boxes of old T-shirts, big stacks of old bags and backpacks, a shelf of manuals for dead programming languages and ancient computers I was fond of once. I'm getting a little better about letting go of the things that are really broken, though I still keep many things that I think -- or hope -- might be repairable.

It's especially sad when what's broken is a friendship.

mdlbear: portrait of me holding a guitar, by Kelly Freas (freas)

I've been wanting to post this Songs for Saturday for a while, only the last couple got derailed somewhere along the way. Anyway, I'd like to point you at Cat Faber's "Alice Day" posts. The name is explained in a footnote to this post, where Cat says,

I promised my friend Alice a new song every two weeks so she would have new stuff to practice. This is where I'm putting them. I have been doing this for a while, actually but this is the first time I have mentioned the inspiration. So, Happy Alice Day.

Anyway, she's been posting a new song every couple of weeks since some time in March, mostly with mp3's attached. Enjoy! They're all worth a listen, but I think "Pepper-Spray Pike" is one of the better ones. Never anger a bard..."The Atheist's Anthem" is another good one, and captures a lot of what I, too, believe.

mdlbear: portrait of me holding a guitar, by Kelly Freas (freas)

It was a very good weekend. Unexpectedly good -- I will confess to having been nervous about it. Perhaps justified, since I really didn't know what I'd be heading into, in the wake of Naomi and Callie's breakup. What I did know was that I'd be staying with Naomi and working on seeing whether it was worthwhile trying to perform at Conflikt as a new duo called Lookingglass Folk.

Naomi was more doubtful than I was, but in any case all our doubts were gone by Friday night. LgF is on its way.

Let me back up a little. Thursday morning I finished the last-minute packing, then went back to the old office in San Jose to do some catching up with my former coworkers, and go out to lunch with one of them. I found them celebrating -- the first "development and demo" kits ready to ship. So, Yay! A product that I worked on is out in the wild.

Travel notes:

I was traveling with Flame, my Ovation, rather than my travel guitar -- the plan was to leave it up in Seattle so that Talis could practice with it before the con. Uneventful -- Southwest is very musician-friendly -- and I discovered that both Minnie and Chami can fit nicely under a seat. Good to know.

This was also my first trip with the Belkin computer bag, which nestles nicely into the top 2/3 of Chami (the carry-on rolling backpack). My CPAP fills the bottom third, and there's room underneath (alongside the handle tube) for the other assorted electronics.

Naomi told me that the Belkin's name was BJ. More on that in Sunday's notes, if you're into that kind of thing.

People notes:

I had breakfast with Callie on Friday morning, getting back while Naomi was still asleep. I think... no, probably better not to go there in a blog post. What I think about it doesn't matter much anyway.

I also met Naomi's new housemate, A, and her new (to her) car, Talis. I'm never quite sure how much about people to put in a post. Low self-confidence?

Tech notes:

This was also my first trip with Cygnus, my new Thinkpad X120e. It was fantastic! The keyboard is a dream to type on, especially compared to the Dell netbook I've been using for the last two years. I got quite a lot done, both re-editing lyrics for the new two-person scripting, and an assortment of other housekeeping tasks inspired by having to configure a new system.

At this point almost everything in my home directory is set up using git, making it easy to keep in sync and to work even when disconnected. At this point about the only things I really need the home system for are email and DW posts, and of course audio editing.

raw notes )
mdlbear: (river)

I woke up to a reply to Sunday night's email to C., and the discovery that she had taken me off her friends list. It was surprising how much that hurt.

(I am happy to report that I'm back on, now that she has finally been confronted with reality. There's still a lot of pain to go around, but at least there's a path toward healing, now. I occasionally have to tell people that I'm interested in explanations, not excuses; it's good to know that my analysis appears to have been validated.)

Odd; I'm not sure I ever felt "validated" before. I know people have referred to it.

In other news, my Tascam US-800 interface arrived, and I got a 2-mile walk in at lunchtime.

I ended the day feeling drained, both emotionally and physically. The hamsters in my brain ate all my spoons.

Quite a few links, some of which are pretty scary.

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mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

Gleep. I woke up to beautiful, soft, gentle fog, and had a moderately productive day at work. Good talk in the morning by Ed Schlesinger, head of the department of electrical and computer engineering at CMU, about technology and how it empowers individuals as opposed to institutions. Notable quote: "When institutions don't like it, you're probably on the right track."

I spent most of the evening composing an email to (former bandmate) C. It was hard, and I was really taken aback by the intensity of my emotions while writing it. (I don't know what they were -- I couldn't sort them out. That probably doesn't matter.)

It had some of my more impassioned writing in it; I haven't written anything that intense since the comments leading up to the Agamemnon verse in QV. Maybe not ever. I found out this morning that it wasn't well received, though. I miss my friend; I hope she comes back some day.

Somebody needs to tell her that nobody is judging her, only her actions. She won't listen to me, though; I guess that bridge was already on fire from her end when I tried to reach across it.

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mdlbear: portrait of me holding a guitar, by Kelly Freas (freas)

My former band, Tempered Glass, has fallen apart in a shower of jagged shards. Naomi and I intend to keep making music together, and we're pleased to announce that we are now a duo called Lookingglass Folk. We are hoping to pull off our first concert at Conflikt next year, taking advantage of the year's worth of planning and hard work we put into it as Tempered Glass.

The next two months are going to be a wild ride for the two of us, but the concert we're putting together is going to be worth it. I'm going up the weekend after next for a rehearsal; we'll know then whether we can pull it off. If we do, it will be something special.

We'll see you at Conflikt. Give us a listen.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

You know it's been a bad day when hearing of Anne McCaffrey's death wasn't the worst thing to happen. Or even the second worst.

The neuropathy was the second worst. Both feet, feeling like they were on fire after standing for a few minutes. Probably diabetic neuropathy, though there could be other explanations.

And then there was hearing that one of my good friends had assaulted her partner, my sister of choice [livejournal.com profile] pocketnaomi, in a fit of blind anger. Naomi and her kids are safe, but I was shocked and saddened. I will post more on this later. Soon.

Physical pain isn't always the worst kind.

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mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

A good day. No walk, but I at least got out -- I went to Guitar Center looking for inexpensive USB microphones to use for VoIP conferencing. Settled on a pair of CAD U37s -- $70 each (under $50 online, but I didn't know that at the time) and worked fine when I tried one in the conference room.

I also picked up a coat hook and pipe clamp at OSH and rigged a purse holder for Colleen's scooter. It works just as well as I'd hoped: loop the strap over the handlebars and down, catching it on the hook. Easy.

I skipped my "avoiding" group, but had a great IM conversation with [personal profile] pocketnaomi that was dead on topic. Basically, she thinks that I associate the "reality" -- you know, that big room with the blue ceiling, and by extension any other place outside the computer -- only with unpleasant chores like laundry, dishes, and garbage. I should go out and do fun things, as a way of breaking that unconscious association.

It sounds like a good idea.

The main reason for skipping Avoid Avoiding was that I was expecting [personal profile] deborah_c to come down from Sunnyvale, where she is traveling on business this week. And indeed she did; violin in hand -- we had a lovely evening of conversation and a little music. I called Naomi for the latter, and also because I knew that she and Deborah were friends and hadn't talked in a long time. So that was very good.

I also made our plane reservations for Orycon.

Links for the day include CHARTS: Here's What The Wall Street Protesters Are So Angry About... and 15 Mind-Blowing Facts About Wealth And Inequality In America, via ysabetwordsmith. A couple more in the notes.

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mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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A pretty good day. I got taken out to lunch by the new (to me -- he's been on board for over a year) lab director, Vikas. Half a sentence into his description of the restaurant he had just discovered last week (when he had lunch with my returning coworker Ed), I knew it had to be Arya. The "mix of Persian and Italian" was a dead giveaway. Yum. (Of course, I weigh 2 pounds more this morning...)

I asked Vikas what his hobbies were, and he said his only hobby was playing tennis. *shakes head in disbelief* I really don't understand people like that. Am I really that weird? {Of course, silly bear! You're in fandom -- it's a simple matter of sampling bias.}

I am now checking and reformatting the flaky partition on the gateway. This makes me somewhat grumpy. It doesn't seem to be flaking, though, so I'm guessing that a couple of sectors got corrupted, perhaps in a power failure. I am thinking seriously of moving to a flash drive, though.

I also did a little decluttering in the office, pulling out a couple of 50-foot Cat-5 cables that were no longer being used. And had a lovely, whimsical IM conversation with [livejournal.com profile] pocketnaomi.

And I booked my next flight to Seattle. Of course, Southwest's $49 sale is over :(.

A few links.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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A pretty good day. I finished the last of my assigned JIRA (issue tracker) tasks at work, and got most of my office packed -- 9 boxes worth. Of course, several of those were never actually unpacked from the last move.

And I won a custom icon from [personal profile] meeks in her weekly drawing! How cool is that?

I had a comparatively brief session with (therapist) Dr. Rogers in the morning, where I realized that I don't seem to have any concerns that need therapy right now. I do need people to talk with who can help me explore myself (the mind of a Middle-Sized Bear is a strange and often confusing place) and how I interact with other people (rather clumsily), but that's what friends and Friends Lists are for. Expect more River posts again.

The links for the day are why pseudonymity matters (which links to the My Name Is Me project), and a wonderful obituary for Paul Metz.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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Worldcon was... well, yes. Something like that, anyway. Good, but exhausting, somewhat frantic, and marred by a filk hotel that reeked of smoke everywhere but our room (which was large and well-laid-out). Also, the Peppermill's WiFi was sporadic at best. Fortunately, between free valet parking and the fact that convention center parking was free with a handicap placard, and the CC itself was totally smoke-free, we managed. We toughed out the smoke in the filk room Friday and Saturday nights; small, but good energy.

Between meals, laundry, and a couple of good Tempered Glass rehearsals, I missed the panels completely, and only got to maybe a third of the concerts. Maybe less. And had some good conversations, but far fewer than I'd wanted or hoped to. I did get to go hang out in one of the Peppermill's excellent swimming pools with Naomi on Friday, which was good. (The pool was long, shallow, and had a waterfall. Fun!)

The fact that we'd had to check out a day early, Sunday rather than Monday, didn't help at all. Still, family emergencies take precedence (everybody is safe; no need to worry), and there are some advantages to having a day free to recover before going to work.

But there were a lot of people we didn't get to hang out with or say goodbye to. And I go to cons more for the people than anything else these days. It was good to have another con where I wasn't scheduled to perform, though.

Backing up, I had a PT appointment Tuesday about my strained right trapezius muscle -- apparently this is almost entirely the result of bad posture. Leaving my shoulders slumped and my head forward results in the trapezius being continuously stretched; actually using it can easily result in its getting strained. She gave me some exercises; Colleen claims that she notices a difference after only a week.

Some luggage notes in no particular order: I looked up Southwest's under-seat stowage dimensions: Chami fits. She worked well on the trip, too; I was able to piggyback her on the Travelpro, though that combination really needs a strap to stabilize it. The Amazon electronics box works, but isn't big enough for everything; I need something about the same width and depth, but 6" or so longer to fit all the way up one side. I stacked a smaller box with the recorder in that slot, but it kept falling out.

Another problem is that Chami isn't big enough for a full-sized music stand desk. I took the Travelpro to the open filk Saturday night, which worked better but meant largely emptying it and repacking in the morning. I also tried wearing Chami plus Minnie as a backpack -- way too heavy for me. And there isn't a good way to wear Chami and Plink together, either. That may be worth some hacking to accomplish.

In other luggage notes, I managed to leave the blue tote with Colleen's netbook, kindle, and meds sitting on the floor by the front desk when we checked in. Fortunately it was found and turned in; the weekend could have been much worse.

Musical note: I went to Bill Mills' concert, and discovered that he was a fan of mine! Felt good, but weird. I gave him a copy of CC&S. At the filk that evening, I hauled out "Wheelin'" as he was packing up; I think I impressed him.

So... a very mixed bag. Some terrific parts, some miserable parts, a lot of stress, a few good conversations, quite a few missed opportunities. And I doubt I'll ever be back to the Peppermill. Good riddance. Did I mention the tacky mass-produced paintings?

Some good links that came by during the week, up in the notes as usual.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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It was a pretty good weekend, on the whole, but there was more friction than was good for us. That's fixable, now that we know how to plan Tempered Glass visits. I'll get to that later.

It was also tiring, with about 500mi worth of driving, and me doing a lot of the cooking, fetching and carrying. With special thanks to the Younger Daughter, who was exceptionally helpful. We took her out to dinner Sunday night, while Callie and Naomi were having dinner with old friends of N's, and Mike Whitaker was visiting the Bohnhoffs. Good times were had.

We got in some good rehearsal time, too, with four songs worked on. One of the problems, though, was trying to cram in an intensive rehearsal session every day, along with shopping expeditions (Callie and Colleen), a baseball game (Naomi and Mike), dinner in San Francisco (Callie and Naomi), and a full day of work from home (me). Yeah. Not a terribly realistic schedule.

One of the other problems was that Colleen, not being a musician herself, really doesn't want to sit on the kind of intensive rehearsals that we do when we're working on new songs. They quite understandably drive her crazy. So...

The conclusion we (well, mostly Naomi, but she's Tempered Glass's artistic director and main inspiration) came to was that, when they're visiting the Starport, it's a social visit. Talking, hanging out, visiting other friends, making music certainly, but if there's time to squeeze in an actual rehearsal it's an extra. In contrast, when I go up to Seattle, it's a "working weekend" and the emphasis will be on getting in some good, solid rehearsal time every day.

Did I mention that we'll be giving a concert at Conflikt? That's the plan. And it'll be almost all new material.

Did I mention the crab lasagne? There was crab lasagne. Also salmon. And cheesy eggs, and bacon.

Plus a surprising anmount of coding done; about an average work-day's worth in spite of being at home Friday and fitting it into the spaces between bouts of insanity.

So, ... a good weekend, but kind of stressful and disappointing because we tried to fit a week-long visit into a weekend, with predictable results. We're learning, though -- next time will be better.

Not a whole lot of links, but you'll find a few in the notes.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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Yesterday could easily have ended up being a fiasco, but with some amazing last-minute juggling and real-time rescheduling we have [livejournal.com profile] cflute and [livejournal.com profile] pocketnaomi safely at the starport. (The few missing items were ordered and delivered this morning.)

But... my friends are here, and there were happy hugs all around, and late-night food and conversation. There will be music. Life is good.

It was also a long day, and I slept late this morning.

Moderately productive at work, and I accumulated a pretty good collection of links which you can see in the notes.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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So I don't know what happened with yesterday's Yesterday; anyway, it was a pretty decent day, but anyway. I got in a three-mile walk, but my right shoulder, neck, and jaw still hurt. Ow. Pain level something like a 3? Difficult but not impossible to concentrate, but not intolerable. Drugs, for the most part, don't seem to affect it. I can sleep if I'm tired enough.

It didn't seem like a terribly productive day, but I did get several bugs fixed, so that's something.

As for links, go look in the notes. I'm kinda wiped out.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)

I have something to add to my Thankful Thursday post, or more specifically two people. I'm very grateful to...

  • Liz and Og, for their help around the house...
  • ... and especially Liz ([livejournal.com profile] tetralizard), for being Colleen's "Old Lady's Companion" on more occasions than I can count, or adequately thank her for.

Thank you.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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So in the morning I called (what I thought was) the wedding venue, got transfered to the right person, and got the time (which was 4pm). I should also have said "yes" when asked if I needed directions, but at least I allowed an extra 45 minutes or so for getting lost. I should have allowed an hour, because I ended up at the Alameda Buddhist Temple instead of the Southern Alameda County Buddhist Church, some 15 miles closer to home. I would still have made it in time if I hadn't gotten onto the wrong road at the off-ramp.

I did manage to catch about 2/3 of the ceremony. They used the same reading from The Prophet that we used in our wedding :), among others. I wasn't the only one who didn't know any of the other guests, and spoke to somewhere between 6 and 10 people at the reception (which was vegetarian Indian food -- yum!).

The surprising thing to me is that I stayed calm and cheerful during the whole long day. This seems to be easier to do when I'm by myself -- if there's anyone else present I tend to get frustrated and defensive, especially if there's a bad feedback loop going. By myself, I just stay detached and can be amused by the whole silly situation , especially if it's all of my own making in the first place. {Just try not to do it again, silly bear! Next time someone asks you if you need directions, say "yes, please!"}

(The voice in braces is Susie, by the way. She's a pocket-sized kangaroo who hatched from an egg given to me by [livejournal.com profile] pocketnaomi, and the oldest of the named voices in my head. Her job appears to be mostly encouragement, good-natured commentary, and occasionally advice.)

The day also included three loads of laundry (time to do the bedding; I'll do the blankets today) and configuring printers on my new desktop, Algol. For some reason it's not seeing the printers on the server even though they're supposedly shared and browsable. But it can print to them if you give the URLs explicitly.

A couple of links in the notes. It was a good day, on the whole; I didn't realize just how tiring it had been until I started falling asleep in my chair about 9:30. I am not an extrovert.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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Yesterday was a pretty good day. It included, after all, a st/roll with Colleen, dinner, and some singing for Naomi. I also added a new flag character to my raw notes: "'" (single quote) marks a piece of "internal dialog". Talking to the voices in my head, to put it more simply.

They're not really voices, of course; they're pretty-much indistinguishable from the interior narrative that goes on all the time in my head. But Naomi has, over the last couple of years, taught me the usefulness of labeling parts of that narrative as coming from different "characters". More on that later, probably. Someday.

I also noticed that I like it when people add to comment threads, especially when they answer someone else's question. I guess it makes me feel that my blog is useful?

Among the day's few links, I can recommend elf's post, Growing old fiercely

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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I moved my stuff from the large suitcase to the smaller Travelpro; it fit, except for a couple of things I really didn't need and a couple more I forgot. I am now at home after having collected the latter.

Baycon seems rather disorganized (no pocket programs!?), and the hotel sinks are dreadful as usual. But the room is huge, has a large desk/counter, and actual counter space in the bathroom, so that's a major plus. I'm not sure we got one of the accessible rooms, but it works.

Colleen got her hair re-tinted, and looks fantastic (and a decade or so younger). Almost didn't recognize her when I walked in to the hotel after work.

Blew off my 2:30 Filk 101 panel (what were they thinking?), but the 4pm "Computers: What's Next?" was a lot of fun. Chris Garcia, who works at the Computer History Museum, did a good job moderating.

The filk circle was very thinly attended, and Colleen found herself a place where she was completely hidden from the door so I didn't realize she was there the first time I poked my nose in. She found me on the party floor. I had the only guitar.

Went splat somewhere close to midnight.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
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Um... ok. You'd think that after spending a lot of the weekend sitting on my tail with my netbook, I'd have posted something. You'd be wrong. Actually, I was mostly reading Flight of the Godkin Griffin (it starts with this post), ... and taking care of my friends.

I originally planned to go to Seattle to rehearse with the other members of Tempered Glass, Naomi and Callie. But Naomi started the weekend feeling ghastly, her daughter had health problems of her own, and Callie had a combination of chem homework and, by the time Monday morning came around, a stomach bug. Saturday mid-day was mostly spent getting the house ready for the house-cleaners who came in the afternoon, and Saturday night was spent taking care of Naomi.

Late Saturday night (early Saturday morning?) N. asked me how I managed to be so cheerful. I really didn't know, and still don't, except that helping friends is one of the things I do, and taking care of sick people is something I've gotten very good at over the last few years. And it's easier to triage somebody else's piles of paper.

We didn't do much singing. A little.

And yet it was a good weekend for me. It was a relaxed weekend with friends; plenty of time to hang out, talk, sit in companionable silence with our respective books, and talk about love, friendship, chemistry, cooking, and the uses of whimsy. Did I mention the salmon? Installing the new cable modem? The rush of happiness when they both told me they couldn't have made it through the weekend without me? (Yes, they could have gotten help from more distant friends, but it wouldn't have been the same.)

There were a couple of brief exchanges with Ame -- you'll find those in the notes, flagged with a "/". And it was a good weekend for the Middle-Sized Bear to manifest himself.

I'd been expecting it to be a working weekend. A different kind of work, to be sure, but I'm not complaining. It really was good.

But, Gods! -- it's not quite 10 pm, and I'm falling asleep in my chair. Good night, all.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
raw notes )

Last Thursday evening I flew up to Seattle for a weekend with Naomi and Callie, the other 2/3 of Tempered Glass. It was wonderful! OK, I have to admit that dinner at The Herbfarm, nominally to celebrate my 64th birthday, was the high point. But simply hanging out with my bandmates, making music and fomenting evil plans, was also good. As was hanging out with their kids, playing games, celebrating the 5-year-old's birthday, singing with the 7-year-old, and simply hanging out in the kitchen with sister-of-choice-in-law Callie.

... and helping Callie sing a concert of love songs to Naomi on Saturday, and coffee and lunch with the Wolfling on Monday. And a couple of nice walks.

Callie and Naomi's house in Shorline really comes close to being a second home for me. Naomi is very good at coming up with things that are fun to do but that I wouldn't have thought of on my own -- she masterminded the Las Vegas trip, too. It was a very good weekend.

mdlbear: (tsunami)
raw notes )

Gleep. Somehow I seem to have let an entire week go by without posting -- Consonance, two doctor's visits, a huge pile of work, another huge pile of links, ... and only one walk.

Consonance was fun. I had no concerts, and sang less than half a dozen songs in circles. But I heard some good music, and had some good conversations. Not as many as I'd wanted to have. There's never enough time, in a weekend when everyone has concerts and workshops to go to. But... ok.

And the workshops, Carla's on editing songs, and Joe's on open tunings, were great. Some notes from Carla's workshop under the cut.

The Tempered Glass CD, Hearts of Glass, Nerves of Steel, went for $150 in the InterFilk auction.

Lots of work. Not so much fun -- there's way too much to do, in too little time. It's taken me most of the week simply to come up to speed. Not good. Damnit; the factory tests shouldn't have been an afterthought.

Did I mention that we're having our annual "It's Green!" party on Saturday? Yeah. That. Come on over, if you're in the area!

A big pile of links under the cut, which I'm too fuzzy-brained to sort through. So enjoy the chaos.

mdlbear: the positively imaginary half of a cubic mandelbrot set (Default)
raw notes )

A good IM conversation, and some good hugs and good wishes from some of the Wednesday night folks. I'm reaching out a little -- at least I've been able to notice that I need to. I don't yet have the ability to deepen a conversation; most if not all of my close friendships seem to have been started from the other side. Need to work on that.

I finally found out, with the help of Google, how to put text onto CDs. Now I need something that can read the damned things to test it with. (cdrdao can read it, but since that's what I use to write with it seems a little too circular to me.)

A few links. WTF are they thinking in South Dakota??!

Lie to me

2011-02-01 09:43 pm
mdlbear: (lemming)

I would like all my friends here to comment on this post stating how you met me. But I want you to LIE. That's right. Just make it up. After you comment, feel free to copy this to your journal so others can do the same.

(From a couple of friends who, since they locked their posts, had best be left unidentified.)

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