River: non-negotiable demands

[mdlbear]

I still haven't really gotten the hang of this "the caregiver has to take care of himself, too" thing. Nor have I really gotten the hang of doing things I "enjoy". But there are a few things I really have to find time for, not so much because I "enjoy" them -- though I suppose I do -- but because I go crazy if I go without them for too long.

Walking is one. I have to have my walk; preferably every day and preferably for an hour. I can cut that back to half an hour every other day, but not for long. It's the only exercise I get, but it's more than that.

Livejournal is another; possibly at an even higher priority than walking. If I'm at a con, or on some other kind of tight schedule, I will squeeze in time to read my friends list if I have any time for the computer at all. Email to a lesser extent. Other kinds of reading, on the net and off, if there's time -- reading is something I can do even with a lot of distraction, so it's useful for those times. But time spent on the computer interacting with people is crucial -- LJ, IM, email... I rarely see anyone outside of my family, a few local friends, and coworkers; the computer is usually my only way to feel connected with my closest friends.

Music is a little further down on the list; I'm not quite sure why. Especially music where I'm interacting with people: performing, or practicing with friends, or singing in a small, friendly circle. Just practicing by myself, or even songwriting, are less essential. I guess music is further down on the list because I can't do it whenever I want with the people I want to make music with. Too many of my friends are far away.

And then there's time with friends (including people like Colleen, and my family-of-choice, who are much more than friends). There's a reason why I'll usually drop everything else to go for a drive with Colleen (as I did tonight, in fact). But, as with music, most of the people I would like to spend time with are far away. I can't spend as much time as I'd like with most of my friends, and in some ways that's just as well, or I wouldn't have time for anything else. It'd be worth the trade, though.

Time for creativity -- songwriting, software, writing -- is important, but a lot of the secondary activities around that feel like work, and they're not as important to me as things that put me in touch with people.

(added 0713 7:53) Hot baths. Not so much for getting clean as for relaxation -- a hot bath helps me get to sleep. It's getting increasingly difficult to find the time. I really miss the days when Colleen was spry enough to get in and out of our 6-foot tub, and we could take a bath together.

Comments

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Music and far away people - I'm wondering if one could use Skype for this?

[mdlbear]

I do, occasionally. Also my cell phone on speakerphone. Not very good sound in either case, but ok for just staying in touch. Too much latency for actually singing together.

[mia-mcdavid.livejournal.com]

All you can do is keep going...you're doing amazingly well. Hugs!

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Actually, I've been surprised at the sound quality (better than I expected) in my limited skype experience, but then, I've got external speakers on the computer.

Sad to hear latency is an issue.

[mdlbear]

Skype sound can be very good if you have both good speakers on the receiving end, and a good mic on the sending end. Bandwidth is still pretty limited.

I'd like to set up streaming audio at some point.

[mdlbear]

*hugs* and thanks.

[septemberlilac.livejournal.com]

Actually, I believe you *have* gotten the hang of it, at least to a point - you're just using different terminology. Your non-negotiable demands list translates to "the caregiver has to take care of himself, too, and these are things that are required to accomplish that". The things you cite as necessary for your sanity and physical well being could be considered things you enjoy. The semantics may be obscuring the fact that you're a lot closer to having the hang of it than you think.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

That would be cool!

[mdlbear]

One of the things I haven't gotten the hang of is actually making time for these things in my schedule.

Enjoyment is another of those concepts I don't quite have the hang of yet. There still seems to be a bit of a semantic mismatch between me and most other people using the word.

[septemberlilac.livejournal.com]

If you ever discover the recipe for making time, do let me know. I've been trying to figure that one out for years. *Sigh.*

[mdlbear]

We usually try to buy it at Penzey's. They spell it differently, though, and that seems to make a difference.