Done the last two days (20101027 We - 1028 Th)

[mdlbear]

1027 We
  * up 6:50; W=194; drugs, nose; dishes, coffee, laundry, breakfast
  * walk: First to Skyport and back on Technology Dr.
  * work: software in pretty good shape at 
  @ solarbird: Oh good, look what Apple's endorsed
    maellenkleth - A new low in Internet marketing, apparently.
    Ordinary Day - Apple, this is not even remotely acceptable
  @ Land of Lisp - O'Reilly Media
  * conversation with Carole; a little deeper than usual.
    asked if I feel I've been getting enough "validation".  mildly baffling.

1028 Th
  * up 7; W=196; drugs, nose, teeth; dishes, coffee, laundry
  ~ bring some more CDs in to work (loaded into backpack; left it home :P )
  * Su's Mongolian BBQ for lunch
  * party invites at work
  * flu shot at Kaiser
  * 4:30 YD app't in opthalmology
  * red snapper pan-fried in butter, with kasha and salad
  @ another signalboost for applefail with phone# and web feedback info
  @ osewalrus: Why it would be nice if reporters did math
  @ autographedcat - The new barbarism: Keeping science out of politics
  @ Climate Change: Evidence
    via The Wordsmith's Forge - NASA Explains Climate Change
  @ Andrew M. Crockett's 2010 California Midterm Voter Guide
  @ Occasional kvetch - * "It doesn't get better" -- 
    * "Hardwired to fear the paranormal"
  @ Niacin
  * grand-central-starport.org up by virtue of being linked to thestarport.*
  @ Peekaboo Tranny! | The Bilerico Project - has Apple's phone #
  @ Apple feedback link
      It has come to my attention that the iTunes store carries a particularly
    repulsive application called "PeekABooTranny".  If the iPhone were an open
    device, and the iTunes store were a free marketplace, I would not be
    writing this note.   
      However, they are not: Apple exercises tight editorial control over
    which applications are allowed to be sold.  So the obvious conclusion is
    that Apple somehow *approved* an application that pokes malicious "fun" at
    transgendered people.
      I consider this reprehensible.  I have occasionally considered buying an
    iPhone.  Never mind; I'll go get myself an Android-based device, from a
    company that doesn't pretend to censor applications.
  * practice.  October Country, Where the Heart Is
  % afrin again; the timed-release guaifenisen/phenylephrine wasn't working.

A busy couple of days at work; combined with heavy nasal congestion and a corresponding need for too much sleep, I haven't done much besides working and keeping up with LJ. A little practicing, but only a little.

An odd conversation with Carole Wednesday night, where she asked me a couple of questions I didn't know how to answer. One was whether I was getting enough "validation" from other people. Isn't validation something you do with your parking-lot receipt at a restaurant?

Made yummy red snapper pan-fried in butter (and a little black pepper) for dinner last night. One fillet, about 3/4 lb, did quite nicely for the two of us.

The links mostly consist of commentary on Apple's latest fail, an iPhone application called "PeekABooTranny". If the iTunes app store were an open marketplace, I wouldn't have a problem with this. But it isn't; Apple goes so far as rejecting dictionaries that have "bad words" in them. The full text of my feedback is under the cut.

I'm going to be giving them more feedback today. This morning I realized that, although I don't have any Apple products at home, and don't expect to as long as iTunes doesn't run on Linux, I'm a musician who sells an album through iTunes. For the moment.

Comments

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Therapeutically, "validation" is when the work you do is recognized as a positive thing. What makes it different from mere praise is that YOU accept and internalize the positives involved, rather than minimize away or dismiss them.

So, when your filker friends praise a song you have written, ask for the music and lyrics, and cover it, and this makes you feel good, this is an example of validation.

[mdlbear]

Thanks for the explanation. Psych is pretty far outside my area of expertise, and although Carole tried to explain it I was still somewhat unclear.

As for whether I'm getting enough... darned if I know.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

I think the key to whether you're getting enough validation is to ask yourself the question of whether you resent bosses at work for not appreciating or recognizing the work you do for them or not.

Or, as the primary caretaker of Colleen's health needs, you feel that people are aware of the effort you must expend to keep everything ticking along as close to normal as possible. Or do you resent that you must do "everything" yourself?

If you harbor thoughts of "no one appreciates what I do around here," you AREN'T getting enough validation. I don't get that read from you very much.

Reading what you've said about work and wanting to change back to something like you were doing before, I'm thinking you are not currently getting the validation you need at work. It isn't internally satisfying to you. As a result, you're taking steps to get back to a space into your comfort zone, where you feel like you can do the best job, and are valued for it. This is a good thing, and shows you ARE aware of your needs, just not the labels the pros use for them.

If you feel pleased whenever you think of your family, or your friends, you probably ARE getting enough validation from them - you just don't think of it in terms like that. If the thought of your friends makes you cross and resentful, you are probably NOT getting enough. (I don't see you posting negative things about others' expectations of you, or resentments often.)

When Colleen asks for you to play for her, the feeling of contentment you express at doing something you love to do, and her enjoyment of it is validation.

Often, when we are under stress, our need for others to know what we're going through and to express support for us goes up. The "extra" strokes allow us to garner strength and keep going. If you are just trying to get through, and feel like you're drowning most of the time, and no one cares, you don't have validation, or the feeling that you for yourself is important, only the "things you do" are.

[mdlbear]

Hmm. Probably requires more thought. I tend to have very low expectations about feedback.

As for work, it's complicated. I know that what I'm doing is important, and I get some feedback to that effect, but I don't feel as though I'm very good at it. I want to get back to someplace where there's less pressure and where the work is something I'm better at, and where I have a lot more control over what I'm doing. So I don't think it has much to do with external validation; it's mostly internal.

I guess I feel a fair amount of what may be resentment both at home and at work, but it's directed at the work or the situation, not at people who, for the most part, are doing the best they can with what they have.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

The upshot of Carol's question is basically that you can get through really tough things if you feel that you have the support and appreciation of folks around you.

Without that support, caretakers can quietly go nutso as they run out of spoons. With support, they can muddle by, or be perfectly fine.

[mdlbear]

I guess I'm somewhere between muddling by and ok, so I must be doing something right. I've improved a lot since nearly two years ago, when I was falling apart, and I'm much better at finding the support I need. Even though I'm still very fuzzy on a lot of the things that other people find obvious. Lots more to work on.

Thanks again.