Done day before yesterday (20090528)

( raw notes )

I actually did a few things! This is an improvement. The biggest ones were finally faxing in the Lamplighters season ticket renewal (they called Colleen in the afternoon to say our seats would go away on the 1st) and splitting up the Tempered Glass concert at Baycon.

It does seem to take the anxiety level down a bit. On the other hand, I didn't get a bill payment in that should have been done Wednesday. And it's not the first time, either.

(written yesterday but apparently not posted due to an interruption)

Done yesterday

( raw notes )

Not a stunningly good day, though I did manage to finish paying bills, and had a couple of good conversations with pocketnaomi, who always gives me something interesting to think about.

At work, I now have a tentative schedule and sense of direction for my current projects. That's good; I tend to drift otherwise.

Also at work, we had a meeting about cost-cutting; I had the feeling that our budget was cut only a couple of weeks ago. Many of my coworkers are young enough that they haven't been through a belt-tightening exercise like this before. Apart from the 4% salary cut, there isn't much that affects me directly. I was expecting anywhere from 2% to 5%, so that wasn't a surprise. There was a 20% reduction in the travel budget, but since my favorite conference, OSCON, moved from Portland to San Jose this year...

I was also expecting an enticing severance package for anyone who offered to leave (and felt bad because I wasn't in a financial position to take it). I didn't see that; I'm guessing it's because two managers (who were in such a position) got there first.

Times are bad. I do need to do something, probably involving either the web, writing, or both, that will bring in some extra cash. Magic wands and pots of fairy gold are both in short supply these days.

Productivity? What's that?

I've actually been fairly productive the last few days. If I'd been this productive two months ago, around the end of March, I'd have my FSA receipts all sorted, the Consonance concerts all up on the web, and be feeling a lot less panicked and harried and depressed.

There's a receipt that I know was on my desk, where I needed it. It's not there now. There's a phone call I should have made 12 hours ago; it's too late now.

As it is, I'm feeling frustrated, panicked, defeated, worthless, and hopeless. Also, paradoxically, bored and restless. I can't focus, can't concentrate, can't sit still, can't relax. Which is not helping.

Knowing that it's some combination of burnout and depression, and that depression lies, doesn't help either. Neither did taking a walk this afternoon, except maybe temporarily.