Sorry...

[mdlbear]

I can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. Who doesn't think they can be helped. Just can't do it. I tried, damnit.

Comments

[ciarhwyfar.livejournal.com]

No, you can't.

But you are always there to lend a hand and try and help. Down the road, that is what she will remember.

Right now, she is frustrated with life. No age is exactly easy but I feel that the first couple of years right after high school were particularly hard. One is trying to adjust to not still being a 'child' and not quite really being an 'adult'.

Hang in there. It may be hard but I think you are trying to do it right.

[mdlbear]

Thanks for the encouragement.

Looks like she's decided to withdraw from the Intro to Unix class. Probably the right decision, considering.

[braider.livejournal.com]

True. And it really sucks.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Almost definitely. UNIX, for the non-geek, is an arcane and non-obvious system. And for people who don't "do" command lines, it's even more so.

[mdlbear]

She uses a console-mode mail reader, edits web pages in emacs, and is an avid gamer -- proof that she can handle arcane manuals and non-obvious rules. The problem isn't that she's a non-geek, but I'm not sure what it is.

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

My sympathies for both of you... and myself (since Kathryn will be 13 within the month).

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

It's cold comfort that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

As someone who has been bit in the butt by efforts to help people in the past, and whose current job description includes "help people learn stuff they may not want to learn," I can offer the following free advice, which is worth what you didn't pay for it.

DISCLAIMER: This post is the result of a mild psychological disorder known as Geek Answer Syndrome. If you were asking for help, which you clearly aren't, this would NOT be a good way to offer such help.

• The most one can do is provide a safe environment for the person to learn what they may want to learn -- whether this is knowledge, life lessons, or whatever. Safe in this context means that mistakes are OK, nothing vital or important in the future will be damaged, and the person can go a while without learning if they want.
  
• A class environment is many things. It is NOT "safe" by the above standard. The class creates artificial time pressure, which some people need and some people detest.
  
• You are perhaps the worst possible person for Chaos to learn Unix from. This is because of role conflict; even though she's brilliant, and you're an avatar of all that is Unix, the family relationship overshadows all of this.
  
• Mental blocks are the hardest to overcome, and increasing the pressure on the person only causes the block to become stronger and more entrenched.
  
• If the person asks for help, this is not usually a blanket invitation to provide the help that you want to give -- but a carefully guarded request for a specific tidbit. Like a scared animal nosing up for a treat, snatching it, and running off to eat it in private.
  
• So if you get a help request, provide the specific information asked for and no more. Even though you will be itching to give the person more information.
  
• Most people's mental buffers are tiny. Everyone's mental buffer is tiny when they are busy, distracted or stressed. And it drops to zero when they are angry or scared.
  

Best wishes.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Perhaps she's just not that interested in it. I tend to find that even things I'm capable of learning can become frustrating when avid interest is lacking.

[mdlbear]

Possibly all true, but wouldn't have addressed the problem.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Perhaps "non-computer geek" is a better term. There are all kinds of geeks; one skillset doesn't necessarily translate to a different interest area (any more than playing guitar translates to skill with a violin, even if they are both stringed instruments).