Done yesterday

[mdlbear]

0322 Su
  * up 7:30; W=187.6; drugs, nose; coffee, emergen-c; dishes
    ! annoyed at how much sleep I seem to need.
  * backups
  & Colleen
  & Walk
    ! calm, contented.
    Not as much pure observation as yesterday, but at least I'm getting
    better able to observe my thoughts, and occasionally decide whether I want
    to continue thinking them or go back to observing and save them for later.
  & Colleen (to show off purple coffee insulated cup)
  * 2:45 lunch
  ! 3ish it feels as though I'm no longer afraid of something, but I have no
    idea what it was. (see http://mdlbear.livejournal.com/1011089.html )
  * order Emmy's birthday cake
  * cooked dinner: chicken in butter and wine; leftover mac-n-cheese
  & 19:22 major insight on "turning a corner"
    ! thoughtful  See mdlbear.livejournal.com/1011089.html
  * bring guitar to Colleen's tonight.
    Sang "Gentle Arms of Eden"  ! calm
  & photos off camera
  * bed ~midnight

The big insight for the day came between my walk, when I suddenly realized that for the last day or so I'd felt as though I was no longer afraid of something, and 7pm when I think I finally figured out what it was, and posted The view around the corner.

The trigger, which I posted about yesterday, was probably I Never Promised You a Rose Garden -- the realization that although the process may be difficult, confusing, and sometimes scary, there are also beauty, wonder, and joy in it. Also the realization that it's an ongoing process; it doesn't matter where I'm going as long as I can enjoy the journey.

It was a good walk; not as happy as Saturday's but calm and contented. I was thinking more -- largely about future River posts -- but was able to notice my thoughts at times, and make a conscious decision about whether to continue or go back to observing. I'm getting better at that.

I found Colleen a bright-purple insulated coffee mug at Long's, and surprised her with it after my walk. It was good to see her that delighted with something -- the nursing home must be awfully bleak.

I cooked dinner, frying a package of chicken thighs in butter and herbs, then poaching them in wine, and used up the left-over (gluten-free) mac&cheese for the starch. Quick and tasty.

Comments

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I've got a couple of chicken recipes (look in my userinfo, under "memories", for "recipes") that I usually serve with rice - feel free to steal them and modify them to suit your family.

Realizing that you're in the midst of a process is very important. You're not just a human being, you're a human becoming ;-)