Done yesterday (20090506)

[mdlbear]

0506 We
  & woke ~5:30 when Colleen got up; talked and snuggled.
    ! contented; I missed that the most
  * up 6:20; W=190.2; drugs, nose; coffee, C
  * Water day
  * 10:30 (PT) Julia Lee arrives
  = Colleen's walking at about twice her pace of a week ago.  She says it's
    still snail-like, so I've dubbed her the TurboSnail.
  * 12:30 (nurse) Ellen arrives
  * move some boxes out of LR
  * 1:00pm Susan --  * print notes
  & bought aluminum dumbek at GS
  * 3-5pm Terminix follow-up inspection (old damage, no live bugs)
  & noodled; sang (at Colleen's request) Where the Heart Is & Riverheart, 
    Gentle Arms of Eden was my pick.
  & rather unpleasant conversation with B's 14?-year-old son.  violence,
    competitiveness, self-centeredness... boring, too.  I wasn't like that.
    Very much the kind of person I try to avoid
  ! 10:45 mostly not social, but I think not (very?) dissociated
  * bed ~11:30ish

Colleen had visits from her visiting PT and nurse yesterday, and impressed them both with her walking. She's paying for it today, of course. Got some exercises from the PT.

On my way back from my Kaiser appointment I bought a little aluminum dumbek at Guitar Showcase's consignment shop. There was a prettier brass one for only $10 more, but it weighed about twice as much and had a skin head instead of plastic. I wanted cheap, portable and comparatively hard to damage.

Some noodling and, at Colleen's urging, a little singing.

Had a rather unpleasant conversation with the 14-year-old son of one of the guests. Started out by walking into the office and asking "who are you hacking", and went nonstop downhill from there, mainly about fighting other boys at school. I don't think I was ever like that. Very much the kind of person I try to avoid, only he was in the office and I didn't want to tell him to leave.

I spent most of the evening being pretty completely non-social, but wasn't in much, if any, emotional distress or dissociated as far as I could tell. Which isn't very far, of course.

It was wonderful to have Colleen out in her chair where she belongs, presiding over the Wednesday gathering. The house just doesn't feel right without her. She seems to be OK with me retreating to the office most of the time, now that I've explained what a strain the crowd is.

I'm also becoming more comfortable about waking in the middle of the night, and having less trouble (so far) getting back to sleep now that I know it's pretty normal. Having Colleen to talk to and snuggle helps a lot. I still wish I didn't need the second sleep -- I don't have time.

Comments

[kshandra]

I spent most of the evening being pretty completely non-social, but wasn't in much, if any, emotional distress or dissociated as far as I could tell. Which isn't very far, of course.

Oh, I don't know - it may not have started that way, but the situation from the previous paragraph sounds like it could easily have reinforced your need to retreat. Particularly as it happened in what you perceive as your safe space.

[mdlbear]

I was annoyed and slightly distressed while that "conversation" was going on, but not otherwise. I need to figure out how to get rid of interlopers without appearing to be impolite; I have no idea how to do that.

The important thing about the rest of the evening is that I wasn't forcing myself to be more social than I was comfortable with being. In either case, I was nowhere close to overloading or melting down. Which has happened.