First, *hug*. Relationships ARE hard. For EVERYone. Except for folks who simply don't bother to think or to relate.
Second, yes, our old coping mechanisms are there because they WORKED, or we wouldn't have developed them. We can bless them and thank them, and choose else now. I do miss some of mine, I must say (and then I remember that I started learning new ones because those old one *weren't working*, or at least not working as originally promised).
I would note that "understanding" requires action on both ends of the line of communication. Other people are also not understanding YOU, right? Sometimes the coping comes by way of education...teaching others how you communicate, what your lexicon is, what you need in terms of interactions and space.
At least, this is what John and I have learned over the years. His introverted Aspergers stuff and my extroverted normie stuff have a hard time interfacing, some days. But it's not that he's wrong and I'm right. The difficulty is in the intersection. So we've asked and learned, taught and communicated and mostly, it works out OK.
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Date: 2009-09-05 10:37 pm (UTC)Second, yes, our old coping mechanisms are there because they WORKED, or we wouldn't have developed them. We can bless them and thank them, and choose else now. I do miss some of mine, I must say (and then I remember that I started learning new ones because those old one *weren't working*, or at least not working as originally promised).
I would note that "understanding" requires action on both ends of the line of communication. Other people are also not understanding YOU, right? Sometimes the coping comes by way of education...teaching others how you communicate, what your lexicon is, what you need in terms of interactions and space.
At least, this is what John and I have learned over the years. His introverted Aspergers stuff and my extroverted normie stuff have a hard time interfacing, some days. But it's not that he's wrong and I'm right. The difficulty is in the intersection. So we've asked and learned, taught and communicated and mostly, it works out OK.