Done the last 2 days (20110524 Tu)

[mdlbear]

0524 Tu
  * up 6:38; W=196.2; drugs, nose, teeth, dishes, coffee
  : running gnome/networkmanager on trantor with no net connection blew away
    resolv.conf.  Very rude. 
  & currently still on trantor; nile needs config work. 
  = add hair to morning list (drugs, nose, teeth...)
  & wasted lunchtime in a pointless discussion with a griping coworker.
  : It seems that some people would rather complain about things being broken
    rather than take steps to fix them.  I'm not naming names because, like,
    pot... kettle...  (Other people fix things but don't resolve them in the
    bug tracker.  Different problem.)  
  : river:  Saying "But it's supposed to work like X" doesn't fix anything.
    You either have to take steps that make it work like X, or work with the
    existing Y.  I have a tendency to get embroiled in that kind of discussion
    (see above); what I really ought to do is drop out if I have no
    constructive suggestions to add.
  x flex claims for 2010 - $20 appointments -> looks like 2010 is used up
    Colleen's scooter battery got approved -- I'm surprised.
  @ Networking 201: How to work a room
    How to Hang Out in the Bar with Writers at a Convention
  : bath, bed ~ 11:30.
  : realized as I was snuggling Colleen that the reason I couldn't do nfs
    mounts on nile was that it's in the wrong subnet due to dhcp.  Need to
    rename it anyway.

0525  We
  * up 6:10; W=196.2; drugs, nose, teeth, hair, dishes, laundry
  * need new name for nile -> decided on algol.  It's an eclipsing binary, and
    it may end up going back to work at some point.
  * algol configured to the point of being usable (i.e. I can log in)
  * noon: Dr Rogers
    ! depression score = 3, an all-time low.  (Marginal items could put it as
      high as 5, but that's still very good.)
    -> difference between communication and agreement problems
       communication:  ok to keep working for understanding
       agreement problems:  back off once it's clear that the problem is one
         of agreement rather than understanding.
    => call for next appointment, when needed (couple of months)
  * on the way home: pick up Colleen's humira at Kaiser Santa Clara main.
  * both cars are paid off now!!  I got the van's pink slip in the
    mail; apparently I made the last payment without noticing what I was doing.
  @ US Extreme Weather Consistent with Climate Change | Common Dreams via ysabetwordsmith 
  @ Steve Ballmers Nightmare - Cringely on technology
  % not a very good day carb-wise.  And I seem to be the only one at work who
    likes French crullers.  :(  Weak-minded bear is weak.  Also fat.
  % river: Here's an interesting one: one reason I have a tendency to talk
    over people in a conversation is that I think of something to say, there's
    a pause, and then someone else starts talking before I say whatever it
    was but after I've _decided_ to say it.  Race condition, in other words.

A pretty good couple of days. As a matter of fact, I filled out a depression questionaire yesterday and scored a 3, which is an all-time low. (Of course, "all time" covers only the last two years, but I suspect that I would have scored somewhere in the teens or higher through most of the last couple of decades.)

To cap off the happiness, I got the pink slip for the Ford van in the mail yesterday -- apparently I'd made the last payment on it without noticing what I was doing. The extra $400-odd/month will come in handy. And I was surprised to find that my FSA carrier approved the new battery pack for Colleen's scooter.

I'm not used to feeling good. It's weird.

At work, of course, things aren't so happy-making. It's just that I'm pretty much a short-timer now (going back to research at First Customer Ship, which is sometime around the end of July if all goes reasonably well) and can smile at the insanity without getting sucked into it.

Tuesday I did get sucked in for an hour, wasting my lunchtime listening to a coworker griping about the instability of the server software he's trying to test against. Sorry, L; that's part of the system you're testing. It's not done yet; that's part of why you're testing it.

But I do it myself. A lot. It's easier and more satisfying to complain that things don't work the way I want them to, than to figure out a way to either fix them or work around the breakage.

Dr. Rogers pointed out to me that there's a difference between a communication problem, and an agreement problem (where both parties understand what's being discussed, but disagree about some aspect of it). One can continue to work on a communication problem as long as the channel is still open (e.g. due to emotions); an agreement problem is best walked away from until some new piece of information can be introduced into the discussion.

Here's another interesting one: It seems that one reason I have a tendency to talk over people in a conversation is that I think of something to say, there's a pause, and then someone else starts talking before I say whatever it was but after I've decided to say it. Race condition, in other words, brought on by the fact that I can't listen while I'm thinking about what to say. I also have a lot of trouble figuring out when somebody is done talking. There must be a cue I'm not getting.

A few good links up there; since there a lot of conventions this weekend, Networking 201: How to work a room and How to Hang Out in the Bar with Writers at a Convention seem highly appropriate.

Comments

Are you done yet?

[idea-fairy.livejournal.com]

I also have a lot of trouble figuring out when somebody is done talking.

I don't think there's any one standard. I once got into a discussion of this with someone. It turned out that my Done signal was to stop talking (with "er--uh" as turn-holder if I'm just trying to think of a word or something) while hers was to break eye contact. So we had both been in effect feeding the other false End Of Transmission markers in the middle of whatever we were saying, which meant we each saw the other as interrupting a lot.

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I now better understand one recurring issue in the dynamic between John and I. It *looks* like a communication problem, but it is really an *agreement* problem, and the thing we are not aware we are not agreeing on is the definition of some key term or phrase. We will have vastly differing understandings of connotation or denotation or both, but *think* we are saying the same thing.

This opens a whole new vista for problem-solving, ubetcha. Thanks!

[mdlbear]

You're welcome!

Actually, I'm not sure exactly where that one falls on the spectrum -- I'm inclined to say it's exactly in the middle. I think agreement is where you agree on what you're talking about, but have different opinions about it. (My daughter and I agree on what "keep your room clean" means, but disagree about whether she should actually do it.)

The important thing is to recognize when you have a real disagreement, or are just speaking different languages. If you can spot the difference in terminology soon enough you can save a lot of trouble.