Done last month (20130720 Sa - 0801 Th)

[mdlbear]

I hadn't realized just how comforting petting a cat can be. Our cats are wonderful. Especially Curio, who spends most of every night in my room.

Lots of puttering around the house over the last couple of weeks -- that's largely because other things are something of a trainwreck. In particular, Colleen's situation. Our insurance stops paying for her nursing home stay at the end of next week. We'd been told weeks ago, but at the time 10 weeks seemed like plenty of time. At her appointment last week, though, she was told that she could only put 10% of her weight on it. Gleep!

Most of the obvious options are out -- it's unlikely she could get the level of care she apparently needs at a group home or assisted living place. Which would be close to $6K for a month's stay, in any case.

We may be able to have her at home. If she can handle a commode, and transfers in and out of a wheelchair, it'll work. We will almost certainly need to have someone come in in the daytime to care for her, but between me, Emmy, and Naomi we can probably handle night-time. Hopefully.

I haven't been doing all that well. I don't really register stress, but it's there. Between that and depression (even with drugs), and a general low energy level, I'm probably pretty close to the edge. Can't be helped. The feeling of helplessness doesn't help, either. Help?

0720 Sa
  * up 7:10; W=204.8; d, n; shower
  * After visiting Colleen, drove around exploring on Avalon and Beach.  Some interesting
    neighborhoods.  I still get seriously confused around the south end, though.
  * Parade.  Caught a little of the tail end of the kiddie parade.  Fun, but...
  : looked high and low for Curio, who was nowhere in evidence when I got home.
    Found him fast asleep on the rocking chair in the great room
  * weekend project: trim shelves for MBR closet (it had more long shelves than
    we needed, and not enough short ones).  Giselle had found quite a bit of
    room in the garage, which helped.
  * spent quite a lot of time in the garage.  Finally figured out the door
    openers: I just hadn't recognized the buttons as such because they were so
    large and non-button-shaped.  Silly bear.  Dragged out a big box of debris.
  * installed N's headboard, nightstand hardware.  It has legs!  More bending
    over than I should have done.
  & found that the shelf for the main pot cabinet was down at the bottom,
    wedged.  Pried it out and installed it.
  * 15min:  Shelf hardware and a wire basket in the master bathroom over the toilet.
    Now there's someplace to put TP and towels

0720 Su
  * up 6ish; W=203.6; d, n
  @ Learning from Second Amendment defenders 
  @ America's Worst Charities (from LinkedIn)
  * pick up Chaos -and James in the morning.
  * weekend project:  air conditioners
    -> The master bedroom is a natural for a through-wall installation; will require a
       suitably huge hole saw.  Meanwhile, it'll work in the doorway.
  * weekend project:  medicine cabinet brought upstairs.  Will require two assistants for
    installation, so that will have to wait.
  * brought oak filing cabinet upstairs for desk.  Not all that great, but cheap.
  * Put desk up, using two "milk" crates and the filing cabinet.  Upcycled a couple of
    pieces of closed-cell foam from the air conditioners as shims.  Ugly but it works.
    ... especially after adding a couple of screws for stability.
  * Dinner with Chaos.  Caprese and stir-fried beef with broccoli.

0722 Mo
  * up 6:40; W=203.6; d, n
  % amazing how an entire day can just disappear.
  * ran cat6 from the router to the desk area, in preparation for putting sg back in
    service as the inside router.

0723 Tu
  * up 6:15; W=202.8; d, n
  % left shoulder hurting
  & to bed rather early, after a hot bath.

0724 We
  * up 6:15; W=202.8; d, n
  @ Logo Design Gone Wrong: 10 Offbeat Examples
  @ Existential Depression in Gifted Children | The Unbounded Spirit 
  @ PepsiCo’s Naked Juices Have to Drop ‘All Natural’ Label After $9 Million Class Action
    Lawsuit | NationofChange 
    "If you want real juice, try putting some organic apples, lemons and kale in a
     juicer. No corporate lies need to be added to the recipe."
  : N came with me to visit Colleen; worked on her shoulders.

0725 Th
  % dreams: strong autoerotic component.  
  * up 6:25; W=204; d, n
  @ Moira Greyland’s stream on SoundCloud - Hear the world’s sounds

0726 Fr
  % dreams:  driving in the desert (Texas?) near an airport.  Food prep.  A huge table in
    some kind of workroom, with a door that got remodeled (narrower) at some point.
  * up 6:30; W=203.8; d, n
  * The Microsoft keyboard I'm using at work is pure crap.  My left hand was sore by end
    of day; this has been going on since I brought home the thinkpad keyboard because it
    had a couple of sticky keys.  Time for the Model M.
  * 2 loads of laundry (N's sheets)

0727 Sa
  * up 7am; W=203.6; d, n; shower
  % Neck/head pain at about level 5; 6 when I try to turn my head to the left.  OWWW!
  * took N's sheets out of the drier.  Not dry.  :(
  @ 10 Things I Plan to Tell My Daughter About Sex That Aren't That Purity Movement Crap 
  @ melannen | How is artings formed? How artist get pics? (ysabetwordsmith) 
  . weekend project:  shelf hardware in Rainbow Room and kitchen
    -> tracks up in RR; need more 1 5/8 screws; 10 verticals (6 for RR, 4 for kitchen)
  * Home Depot (on 1st) for LED bulbs, swag hooks, 5" hole saw, deckmate screws.  Debated
    buying 5lbs for $30; opted for 1lb for $10 in two sizes (1"5/8, 2")
  * 3pm - 2 naproxen, methocarbamol.  
  * much puttering about the house.  Unsuccessful search in the garage for the blue
    plastic tub labeled "junk" that has the keyboards in it.
  * 5pm - meds definitely helped.  
  * Several boxen and other items hauled down to the garage.  
  * 7:45 leave to pick up the kids (predicted arrival 8:30)
    -> arrived 8:10ish; predicted arrival now 8:51.  Found a seat near the exit.
  * 8:23pm JetBlue flt 263 - Emmy and the kids return
  * KFC for dinner

0728 Su
  * up 7ish; W=205; d, n; shower
  % neck/head pain down some from yesterday; now about level 4 after shower and drugs
  * 10 shelf verticals, 30 brackets, 4'x12" wire shelf for closet
    -> rather expensive.  Should have gotten 40 brackets -- save it for later.
    ... and the MBR closet is 3 12" brackets short.  :(  What I get for not checking.
  * Puttering.  Recycling, garbage from back yard.  Box consolidation in office corner.
    Found where the AV cables were all hiding.  Added a 6' vg fir shelf in the closet.
  * cleared path in RR to vanity.  CD boxes piled in corner.
  * track down mom's itinerary; email reply

0729 Mo
  * up 6:25; W=205; d, n
  @ Make it yourself with a 3-D printer and save big time f(Mary Annne Mohanraj)
    Life-Cycle Economic Analysis of Distributed Manufacturing with Open-Source 3-D
    Printers | Joshua Pearce - Academia.edu 

0730 Tu
  % dreams: I was in a huge surplus joint built in what had apparently been an old
    greenhouse.  I was trying to buy 6V lantern batteries, but kept bringing up wrong
    items, went off in search of screws and other hardware, and by the time I got back to
    the batteries someone else had bought the lot of them.  There was an Ovation guitar
  * up 6; W=204.2; d, n
  @ Emotional Competency - Recognize these emotions (ysabetwordsmith) 
  * Spectrum massage mock clinic at Cortiva -> Terry and Justin.  Two one-hour massages
    simultaneously.  Got the neck pain down to mayber 2 from 5.
  @ Porn Sex vs Real Sex, The Differences Explained With Food 
  @ An Awful Tabloid Decided To Review Her Lady Parts Instead Of Her Music. So She
    Responded Awesomely. NSFW, -but- _and_ funny as hell.
    Amanda Palmer: Naked, but far from vulnerable - The Independent 
    many different copies on YouTube.  No surprise there.
  * Colleen had her ortho appointment.  She's cleared for 10% load bearing, and has a
    removable boot in place of the cast.  She's in for at least another month, but she can
    be taken out for trips and can do car transfers with a walker.

0731 We
  * up 6:15; W=203.6; d
  @ Turmeric more Effective than Prozac at Treating Depression | True Activist 
  % used up the last of my flonase.  Didn't nose-water all day; breathing ok anyway.

0801 Th
  * up 6:35; W=203.6; d
  % Whether nose-watering is necessary probably depends on ambient humidity.
  : Our insurance coverage for Colleen's nursing home care runs out next week.
    A less expensive ($175/day) place is nearby.  The social worker is looking into
    funding possibilities.  We'll have to either buy or rent a wheelchair.
  % stressed, worried, scared.  Money, Colleen, N; a lot of things are falling through the
    cracks, and it's going to get worse.
  : I have $52.64 in change in my change bowl.  There is now a dragon guarding it.

Comments

[thnidu]

Cats, definitely.

she could only put 10% of her weight on it
On what?

[amaebi]

Oh, man, I wish I had help to offer. I have attention, and care, and concern, and prayer, though, and you have all those.

[kyrielle]

You have my sympathy, not that it helps much. Is there any chance that an appeal based on medical necessity would convince the insurance to cover more? Do her doctors have any ideas on that front? They're probably very used to dealing with these sorts of things.

[solarbird]

Geez, I'm sorry Colleen's break is being so extra difficult. :(

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Thank you -- I spent a lot of tonight working this concept into his head. I think it made it in, though, and am much relieved. Taking care of himself isn't something this bear always notices a need to do.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Manatee (http://calmingmanatee.tumblr.com/) is very, very wise.

I also sometimes use the example of the little safety speech that airline stewardesses always give right after takeoff. They tell you to put on your own oxygen mask BEFORE assisting a child or disabled person with their mask. This sounds selfish, but it's actually the opposite; if you pass out from lack of oxygen, nobody will help the person who needs it, and neither of you is likely to survive. So take that "selfish" moment to see to your own survival first, and you'll be able to help others much more effectively.

I have to be reminded of this stuff myself, far too often... I've always been much better at giving advice than at taking it... :-(

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

*grin* We think alike, it seems. I used the "put on your own oxygen mask before assisting other passengers" bit on the bear last night too.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

He's very, very lucky to have a friend like you!

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

*blush* I'm very., very lucky to have a friend like him. He's literally saved my life once, and done so much for me in so many other ways that I'm always thrilled when there's an opportunity to give back to him somehow. We're good for each other. I'm so grateful I found him and the flowercat -- I love them both dearly.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I think you've saved his life at least once, too. I wish I could know all of you in person... but I live in New Jersey, within sight of the skyline of Manhattan (and within the flood surge of Superstorm Sandy - it's all in my LJ)...

[joecoustic.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and good thoughts.

[jcbemis.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[thnidu.livejournal.com]

Warm thoughts to both of you.

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

Oh my. Once again late to the party, I'm sorry for late comment. A few reactions, possibilities, and my personal experiences with legs that don't work...if you'd like them. As usual, take what you like & leave the rest...

A: Oh noes! that Colleen's recovery is going slowly. Once we are moved, I can look into coming to visit and help with home care stuff if you think it would be useful.

B: I'm surprised that if the doctor believes the level of care is still necessary, the insurance won't pay at ALL. That sucks about seventy levels of hell.

C: at 10% of her weight, she may be able to transfer in and out of the w/c & commode...I was able to with no weight at all on the broken ankle. Not easy, and I used the walker to lean on while transferring (basic procedure involved setting things up so all I had to do was stand up from one seated thing on the good foot, pivot in place and sit down on the second seated thing; 90 degree angles were quite helpful!). I know that showers were completely out of the question for me, though...I used a lot of that dry shampoo and had a lot of sponge-baths-with-help.

D: Social worker may be able to find in-home carers that are covered by insurance. One can hope.

E: Echoing lots of other input: take care of yourself first. Sleep. Eat well. Walk. Make music. The things that keep you sane and healthy are important, especially when it all feels hopeless. It is NEVER hopeless, because depression lies, first and foremost.

Giant, huge Blankie of Comfort offered.