Done last week (20150614Su - 20Sa)

[mdlbear]

Rough week. My depression seems to have gotten worse (I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for Thursday and will discuss medication changes), stress from work has been high, my weight is back up after decreasing for a couple of weeks, and, and, and...

It doesn't help that last Sunday was Colleen's mother's birthday, and that today is Father's Day.

On the other hand, Colleen and I had a nice st/roll last week, to the local Farmer's Market about a mile away, which we plan on repeating today with the kids. Because Father's Day.

Pope Francis's much-anticipated encyclical, Laudato si' (24 May 2015), was an interesting read. Beautiful, though I found the theological parts baffling and a little disturbing. Clearly, I'm not part of the target audience; I hope it has a good effect on the people who are, though I don't have much hope. The Catholic Church has gone way the hell to the right since the '60s, when it was a prominent presence on the left.

Links and details in the notes.

0614Su Flag Day
  ! kind of fell apart after getting into bed last night.  This seems to have gotten
    serious.  It doesn't help that I can't figure out exactly what "fell apart" means in
    terms of emotions one (i.e. somebody who's not alexithymic) could put a name to.
  * up 6am; W=210.4, B=131/89, P=59; laundry, dishes
  @ Philae comet lander wakes up, says European Space Agency - BBC News
  % breathing problems, even after nose-watering.  Ugh.
  * 15min: swapped out old nightstand in favor of the recently-cleaned-off plastic drawer
    set that I'd been using in San Jose.  Kind of ugly, but it's higher and has a lot of
    storage.  Which I don't seem to need as much of now that I have drawers in the closet,
    but I expect it to cut down the clutter.
  @ menoPause | Mary Ruefle
  * 15min:  description maintenance on the Rainbow's End FB group, because it needed work.
  : Emmy and her friends have the van for the weekend, off on a camping trip to the
    Olympic Peninsula.  Which is why I decided to...
  * Walk to Farmer's Market at the Junction, with Colleen. [map]
    QFC on the way up for sunscreen and bottled water; TJ's on the way back.  Only a mile
    and a half, but I'm wiped.  Mainly from standing and putting things in the fridge.
    Walking is easier.  We had to backtrack half a block at one point for lack of a curb
    cut.  New civic engagement project?
  * Caprese and broccoli ginger beef for dinner
  * Wikipedia dive into the Four Great Classical Novels of China, started off of a reference in
    Psychological Warfare, by Paul M. A. Linebarger (currently being read)
    Cordwainer Smith No Time for Fear : Hartworks T-shirt
    " This is no time for fear.  It's much too interesting. "
     (from "The Dead Lady of Clown Town")

0615Mo
  * up 5ish; W=211.6, B=130/89, P=63; laundry, dishes
  * Wikipedia dive into Cordwainer Smith.
  * 10:30 electrical walk
  * Fix broken symlinks in steve/Songs -- broke when I moved it from s.s.net, which has a
    users directory, to users/steve, which doesn't.  :P  The whole lyrics/songs setup is
    pretty badly broken.
  % headache, sleepy.  The former probably due to dehydration.

0616Tu
  * up 6:15; W=209.4, B=124/78, P=60; laundry
  : Last day of school for the kids.  Turned off the 7am alarm.
  @ Feeling overwhelmed by the season - how to fake your way to a clean house!
    Well... maybe.  Relies on clean-as-you-go and everybody in the house helping.
    Also the 15-20 minutes/day is for a much smaller house.
  & Olejo: R&L Carriers tracking # 59475370-5  https://www.rlcarriers.com/shiptrace.asp
  @ The Last Question - | Batoto! The classic Asimov story, as a graphic novel.
  % 10ish - sleepy.

0617We
  * Up 5:15; W=209.4, B=129/85, P=70; laundry, dishes
  @ How to (Seriously) Upgrade Your Gin and Tonic - WSJ f(Susan Fox)
  & Ended up WFH in the afternoon after driving N. home; still a productive day,
    design-wise.
  @ Should Companies Do Most of Their Computing in the Cloud? (Part 1) - Schneier

0618Th
  * up 6:45; W210.4, B=147/84, P=67; dishes
    OK, that answers the question of whether I can safely stop taking lisinopril: no
    (I forgot my morning meds yesterday)
  @ Yes, androids do dream of electric sheep | The Guardian (ontd_science)
  @ Analysis:  On Planet in Distress, a Papal Call to Action - The New York Times f(NPR)
    Laudato Si' Inglese original document.  246 numbered paragraphs; large type
    Pope Francis: Climate Change A 'Principal Challenge' For Humanity : NPR
    -> still no progress on abortion or gender, but it's something.

0619Fr
  * up 6:15; W=212.2, B=130/84, P=60; laundry, dishes
  @ Anonymous backs new encrypted social network to rival Facebook — RT News
    Minds
  @ Be paranoid: 10 terrifying extreme hacks | InfoWorld (Risks Digest 28.70 )
  @ Construction PSE - gas service reconnect  $5K unless there's an active line
    already.  Which hopefully there is.
  & Jogged the block from Fauntleroy to 35th.  Less out of shape than I was.

0620Sa
  * 5ish: Cuddle.  *Very Good* cuddle.
  * Up 5:30ish; W=213, P=126/80, P=57; laundry
  @ The Semicolon Project   - Home
    A semicolon represents a sentence the author could have ended, but chose not to. That
    author is you and the sentence is your life. f(Mary Anne Mohanraj)
  & Down to the corner brew pub with Colleen.  I had an iced mocha; she had root beer.
    They have ginger beer, too; may have that tomorrow.
  @ Creatively Display Your Cables When Hiding's Not an Option
  % Colleen asked if we could go out for dinner and I kind of fell apart.  No.
  * Out to Home Depot and White Center for stuff, including today's and tomorrow's dinner.
    Fresh cod for tonight, with asparagus and brown rice.  Two whole chickens for
    tomorrow.  Might have attempted lamb biryani if QFC'd had lamb.  But they didn't.
  @ Cello Wars (Star Wars Parody) Lightsaber Duel - ThePianoGuys - YouTube
  ! very depressed.  Despite the preceeding, which made me laugh hard enough to hurt.
    Conceivably low blood sugar is involved.  But still.  This has been going on long
    enough that that isn't the whole explanation.
  : Finished Laudato Si'.  The last few sections go off into places I simply
    can't follow.  Presumably they make sense to a Christian, and have some bearing on the
    environmental crisis at hand.  I'm not part of the intended audience, clearly.

Comments

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I hope you get a good, quick match on the meds, that makes things easier for you.

[mdlbear]

Thanks; this is somewhere around the fourth go-round, so my expectations are fairly low at this point, but one can hope.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

As I understand it, even good matches decay and need replacement. :/

[mdlbear]

True, unfortunately. Deeply discouraging.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Well, heartbreaking, anyway. :/

[mdlbear]

Not sure that's the right word, but it does tend to reinforce the depression that's already there.

(Trying to figure out my initial intuition: if by heartbreak one means grief, depression feels very different. More like despair. Grief is healthy by comparison.)

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Huh. Here's what I was thinking. Which of course may not be remotely apt for you. (And from me, some jerk on the internet who doesn't take such meds, and contends she doesn't need them.)

I don't think of things that need to be redone as discouraging. I think that things that need to be redone are Life.

But I think of one of the people I love best, who spent forty years stalwartly, gamely, surviving through anxiety that I think would stop an elephant in its tracks. Like, whenever she drove she thought constantly about crashing her car into oncoming vehicles. And then she found a way to go talk with a therapist and a physician who put her on Paxil, and her life was transformed. In a way, and looking from outside, it was as if she had a new heart, undamaged by all that terrible slogging. There was possibility she hadn't known about! For her, even!

And then Paxil ran out on her. That heart was broken. And though she's had some iterations of meds that have worked for her, since, I don't think she's ever had a fresh new heart again.

[mdlbear]

That makes sense, then. Yeah; some of that.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

*useless hand pat*

[capplor.livejournal.com]

Happy Father's day to you, & may good health find you both.

[mdlbear]

Thanks.