mdlbear | Done last week (20150712Su

Long month this last week. Last Sunday, when I st/rolled to the West Seattle street fair with Colleen and G, and swapped songs in the Great Room with N, G, and G's friend Ed, seems like it happened to somebody else, long ago.

It's now four days since I helped my dear friend Curio cross the Rainbow Bridge, and learned that I could cry again. Three days since I pulled my left QL muscle again, walked an agonizing third of a mile home from the bus stop, and re-learned how to use a cane. Less than two days since our friend Jim Pearce died.

My sister Naomi was there for me with Curio, and again after my injury. Colleen and I have cried on one another's shoulders more than once. Desti, our household incarnation of Bast, has sat with me and comforted me. Friends have written condolences. My back feels better this morning, but there are too many empty places in my heart, and they ache.

Please, Universe: I understand that life and health are fragile things. You don't have to keep reminding me.

Links and more in the notes, as usual.

0712Su
* up 07:15; W=207.2; laundry
* PT session - watching N. do it right. Even that was pretty tiring.
* st/roll to the street fair at the Junction with Colleen and Glenn. Fun, but tiring.
Bought two sarongs, and Colleen got a pair of pants. All purple, two with elephants.
My left QL muscle is screaming
* G's friend Ed from work came over with guitar and songbook. We may have a new band
member who can harmonize.
* Roast chicken ($2/lb) and potatoes for dinner. Colleen cut up some tomatoes, which we
had with olive oil and balsamic. We'd bought broccoli, but were too busy singing to
prepare it.
: LJ has been having serious problems lately. DOS?
@ Why CBT is falling out of favour | The Guardian (ysabetwordsmith)
Its effectiveness appears to be declining. It's twice as effective on someone who's
never heard of it. Interesting
% P=5

0713Mo
* up 7:30; W=207.2; dishes
@ The Earthquake That Will Devastate Seattle - The New Yorker (ysabetwordsmith)
Full-Rip 9.0: The Next Big Earthquake in the Pacific Northwest: Sandi Doughton
@ Ask a Manager (kyrielle)

0714Tu
* up 7:45; W=205.6; laundry
* 11:40 Colleen dentist. Leave ~10:15
: call from Dr. Chopra's office - double bupropion; reschedule appointment from next week
to 4 weeks from today.
% major catastrophizing about Curio. He seems to be doing better this evening.
& made chicken tikka masala for dinner.
@ annathepiper | OMG a megaquake is going to destroy Seattle OH WAIT maybe not
excellent links.
tsunami_hazard_elliottbay. shows that we're out of the tsunami inundation zone;
we're also not in any liquification zone. We win.

0715We
% awake 3:15; that seems to happen consistantly when I take methocarbamol before bed.
* Up 7:05; W=206.2; ~laundry
: Washer drain pump still broken. Opened the door and water came out.
* 6:40 Curio: Lien Clinic. -> He's gone.
Fluid in his abdomen, compressing his lungs and his heart. They said either a
diaphramatic hernia, which _might_ have been fixable with surgery, or feline
infectious peritonitis, which is a death sentence from the word go. A few other less
likely options, including the congestive heart failure that killed my father. He was
miserable. We had to let him go. I called Colleen, and then Naomi, who came down to
the vet's to sit with me. I cried. The last week or so he'd been going downhill
rapidly; I'd been worried sick, and deathly afraid that it was something I'd done. He
was such a good cat, and so devoted to me, ever since he adopted me at the shelter two
years ago. Damn.
In the end, all we could do was hold him, because he loved being in my arms, and pet
him gently while he crossed over. He'd been absolutely miserable for the last few
weeks; the oxygen they'd given him made him more comfortable, and there were a few
moments after the sedative took effect when he was calm and contented.
~ 5-7 JimmyZ
% got to sleep around 2am, after taking a diphenhydramine and reading FB.
@ Feline infectious peritonitis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
FIP - Feline Infectious Peritonitis

0716Th
* up 6:30; W=205.6; dishes
% damned left QL spasmed as I got off the bus. Barely made it home. With
methocarbomol, naproxen, and ethanol, I might be a little more comfortable in an
hour. Spiking to 7.5 or 8.
: Thank goodness BunBun made dinner.
: N gave me a massage and helped me into a bath -- I needed the help.
% using a cane. cane GOOD.
: methocarbamol and naproxen; managed to get some sleep.

0717Fr
* up 7:30ish; ;
* stayed in bed reading. N has assigned g as my gofer.
* downstairs to chaise, with a bolster for my back
* a couple hours on the work laptop.
* 1-ish switched to Cygnus. Some network glitches, so switched from Nova to Cygnus for
editing. Snappier, anyway.
: for some reason Google Photos albums don't show up as folders in Drive. :P
However, they can be downloaded from Photos, so that's ok. Sort of.
: Jim Pearce died. Diabetes.
@ mdlbear | Toast: To Curio posted

0718Sa
* awake 4:50; cuddle, had Cricket on the bed for a little while
% some crying
* up 6:30ish; ;
% trouble sleeping is, of course, a symptom of depression. Duh. Mixed with grief and
survivor guilt.
% knot in the QL. Damn; it's going to be dicey for months, isn't it.
% Desti curled up on the chaise by my feet. I should be more horizontal, and should
have a heating pad.
% Feel miserable. Headache. Probably need coffee. And breakfast. And WATER -- I'm
almost certainly dehydrated; had very little to drink yesterday.
& made eggs and coffee for breakfast. The eggs may have been a mistake. QL tense,
though not hurting now that I'm back on the chaise. Aching a bit.
% 9:36 felt something furry brush my right foot, but no cat in sight. Hi there.
! almost happy, in a sad way. And Bast is watching over me. Or at least our
household incarnation.
% QL has a little knot; p=2 or so. Did some things I shouldn't have.
* made icon from "Cat and Mouse". Also using it for wallpaper on Cygnus, since sometime
yesterday.
& An hour or so in the Rainbow Room with Colleen and a heating pad. Some lovely time
with Desti on one side of my lap, licking me.
: Curio was as much Colleen's cat as he was mine; more in some ways. He loved sitting
on her chair between her legs, and curling up on her her lap. And, she told me,
sometimes her chest where he could feel her heartbeat.
* 4pm methocarbamol
% 5pm drifty. Eyes shut for a few minutes.
* Pizza for dinner - we had Emmy go out to meet the delivery person, because she's
currently the only one in the house with two functional hands and two functional
legs.
: Desti is lying at the foot of the chaise.
* 10pm methocarbamol