Done Since 2019-04-21

[mdlbear]

Good week. It's been scary, stressful, and unproductive, but Colleen's recovering, and I'll take that any time.

If you've been following me recently, you know pretty much everything from this week -- see Colleen -- Update 3, Colleen -- Update 4, and Thankful, um..., okay, Saturday. I've been spending most of every day in her hospital room (nearly wrote "hotel" there), so I haven't been getting much else done.

I finally got back to work on $GIG. It's been hard to concentrate. Wonder why.

Notes & links:

0421Su
  : both cats slept with me all night
  * Up 4:50ish; S=6:12; shower
  * call hospital for status -> resting quietly.  They're putting in a better PICC line.
  * let N sleep in.
  & put up audio for "Eyes Like the Morning" -- turns out that there's a full set of
    scratch tracks in Albums/amethyst.  Why the frack I never worked on it, ...
  : Back at hospital.  C's blood acidity way down, which is great.
  : can't find either my Anker phone charger or the battery; I know they were in the
    backpack yesterday.  Weird. -> ok; ended up in N's purse.
  : hospital's router seems to be blocking ping, ssh, and maybe DNS.
  : Installing the new PICC line (neck) took a fair amount of time -- went down to the
    caffeteria for lunch with N and V.
  & conversations (N, V) mainly about C's (and our) EOL wishes.
    -> N and I said goodbye to C and went home so that she could drive back to Seattle. 
  & Good conversation on the way home.  C; what she's accomplished; eventual plans.
    -> Colleen is a very easy person to underestimate.
    -> Colleen's Garden in whatever co-housing community we end up in.
    -> N suggested that I write a memoir of our marriage.  Sounds good.
  % perhaps my habit of expecting the worst has served to blunt the impact of my
    realization that I have been taking Colleen for granted.  The moments we have
    left are precious, and I've let so many of them go by.  She needs to pay more
    attention to her self-care; I need to pay more attention to her.
  @ Scratch, Squeak, Alice and Go -- programming for kids, adults and everyone else
    (via this comment)
  % 9pm not exactly drifting but very disengaged.  Not doing anything.
  % we met a few months short of 50 years ago.

0422Mo
  * up 4:50; W=197.8, S=5:22;
  * (0413) car loan due
  @ Why You Hate Contemporary Architecture | Current Affairs (ysabetwordsmith)
  * Call (brother)Al
  * At hospital ~9; Dr. R came in while I was on the phone with Al
    : today's goal is to get her off the ventilator and wake her up.  That may take a
       while, but she's at least able to respond to my voice (by turning to face me and
       becoming agited), though not to follow commands.
    : 10:25 Sang for her.  She noticed; I'm not sure she recognized _me_, but "Eyes Like
       the Morning"?  I think somewhere way down she knew it.
    : YD coming to hospital late am
    : palliative care nurse(? contact person, anyway) will come by 11:30ish    NP - Carla
    : 4:22 Chest x-ray showed a little fluid in her lungs, so they're going to give her a
       diuretic (lasix) and let her rest tonight, in part because there won't be a full
       staff here in case things go wrong. 
    : 5ish (nurse)Katarina suggested playing some music; so I tracked down CC&S on
       Bandcamp, and gave her a couple of other names to look for.  It's fairly quiet, but
       I think it got her attention.
    : heading home 5:45
  & E called just as I was contemplating dinner to say that their ride to the ferry was
    having car trouble, and could I come and get them.  In Oak Harbor.  North end of Oak
    Harbor, as it turned out.  Nearly two hours later...
     
0423Tu
  * up 5:40ish; S=6:35; shower
  ~ SL: * marjoram, * pretzels, & gin, x Earth Balance, x salsa, x cheerios,  x meat?,
  * try to get to hospital by ~9:30 - they will work on extubating 10-10:30
    : less responsive than most patients at her level of sedation, which is pretty light
    : There's a different doctor on duty this week; Dr. H.
    : 11:35 Vivian arrived
    : 12:30 no toe-curl reflex.  White blood cell count still elevated but lower.
    : some fluid, but it's outside her lungs and not in them.  Will still extubate today
    : 13:27 bringing sedation (Propofol) down.  Will be at zero in 2 hours.
    : 14:52 (status report to N) They're slowly taking the sedation down.  Seems a little
       more reactive.  She was able to blink her eyes when asked to, and again when I
       asked her to blink if she wanted a song, Sang Lily et.al. and Eyes Like the
       Morning.  Desolation Row a little earlier.  Bad Guys and Lily this morning.
    : 16:15 (to N) I've been holding her hand for the last hour; it seemed to help.
       She's not breathing deeply enough on her own to clear the CO2 out of her blood;
       they're putting her back on full breath support and they'll try again tomorrow.
       Earlier in the day, too.
    : Not clear she was able to blink in response to questions by the time I left.
    : (nurse)Belinda noticed her beautiful eyes.
  * grocery shopping on the way home: * salsa  * cheerios  & tofu, chili garlic sauce
  % distressed.
  % 9:30 call from Mom
  % not really up for making dinner - opted for chips, tapenade, and hummus
  * reassembled the icemaker, minus the access door, which was broken.  It works now.

0424We
  * up 6ish; S=7:14;
  @ How healthy is the internet? — The Internet Health Report 2019
  * 9am head to hospital.
   : She squeezed my hand when I asked her to.  Just once, not any of the other times
   : Blinked twice for yes each time I asked if she wanted a song.  Reacted to my
      singing.  They had her breathing on her own for about half an hour, and they'll do
      that again this afternoon.  Right now she still has acidosis and pneumonia, which
      they want to treat before they take her off the ventilator, to give her the best
      chance. (to N)
   : As for breathing, she was breathing at about half the rate of the machine, but
      double the volume, so she's able to compensate.  Not enough to clear the acidosis.
   : talked with Carla around 11:30
   * cancel:  2pm C Dr. Hecker gastroenterology Gunderson Bldg 3927 Rucker Ave, Everett
   : From Dr. H: renal acidosis; being compensated with NaHCO3.  They're also putting her
     back on bupropion, which may raise her mood.  Fortunately it's relatively fast-acting
     @ Renal tubular acidosis - Wikipedia Acidemia
     : Belinda says she sees diabetics bounce back from acidosis all the time.
       treating it with potassium, which will hopefully let the kidneys recover
   : Music definitely soothes her.  Even just noodling.
   : Eyes Like the Morning (showed lyrics to Belinda, who had caught the last verse),
     Wheelin', noodling, Ship of Stone, The Mary Ellen Carter, QV(inst).
     % Gods! I'm out of practice on QV.  Need to work on that.  ASAP
  @ Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? - HSP Personality Traits
  : 3pm going to do a second breathing test
    * got her through it (propofol off) with talking, singing, holding her hand, and
      stroking her hair.
    : 4pm done.  Did okay; tube out tomorrow hopefully
  * 5:15 heading home

0425Th
  * up 4am; S=5:35;
  @ Renting Instead Of Owning, And Taking It To The Extreme : NPR 
    " The Affluent Homeless: A Sleeping Pod, A Hired Desk And A Handful Of Clothes "
  & tried to suspend Cygnus, forgetting that an update was in progress (probably).
    -> took several reboots.
    -> $GIG repo corrupted.  cd ..; mv tree corrupt; git clone savitzky.net:git/...;
       cd good, cp -R ../corrupt/* .; git commit -a
  * 10am Back at the hospital.
    -> 10:47 Took the tube out.
    -> She's awake, talking, and able to use her hands and wiggle her toes. 
       WE HAVE OUR COLLEEN BACK!
  " QOTD:
    C:  I'll be good.
    me: If you can't be good, be careful.
    C:  If you can't be careful, be _wicked_. "
  ~ 1:30 C Dr. Miller UW Urogynechology -> didn't call, but I think they know.
  @ Diversity in Social Intelligence – DART (gingicat)
    Apparently autistic people communicate just as effectively with other autistic people
    as neurotypical people communicate with each other.  In mixed groups, communication is
    significantly more difficult.

0426Fr
  * up 6am; S=7:28; shower
  @ When Workers Control the Code | WIRED (andrewducker)
  * in hospital around 10am.  Everyone happy for Colleen.  Forgot to bring the tea.
    -> PT today, leaving IDU tomorrow, and possibly at Prestige Sunday or Monday.  The
       doctor said Sunday but the nurse and I are guessing that Monday is more likely.
  @ “There are books on my account I didn’t order!” | I Love My Kindle dictionaries
    and user guides just in case you switch to a different language
  : C: POLST    " just pull the damned plug "
    signed-off by Carla Jolly - palliative care consult service
  * music: C's request:  Lily et.al., Where the Heart Is; Windward because follower
  ? expecting C to be transferred out of ICU today -> may stay in same room
  % 8ish headache and total lack of motivation

0427Sa
  * up 6am; S=7:04;
  * work on $GIG -- mostly done with 08- except for the actual code in the examples.
  * bring a tea infuser and a selection of teas, Mrs. Dash  x Easter candy
    left two teas, a scoop, a package of fillable teabags, and 5 filled bags
  * video (G hangouts) call with me, Colleen / N, m, and j
  : she's been spending most of the day sleeping.
  & music: a little noodling, mostly major keys
  : changing rooms. -> 2205  Out of intensive care; lower bed so she can transfer (or at
    least try to work up to transferring)
  * SL:  Earth Balance, coffee; & juice, olive bread, dark choc. ensure for C
  * make plane reservation for reunion
    conf #PZAEQW Jun 19 to 23 SEA->MSP $844.00 (should have done this last month) :P
    I could have gotten much better prices and times with one of the other airlines, but
    I know how SW would deal with my guitar.

Comments

[jtthomas]

All the cheers for music, tea, $GIG, and her continued recovery!

[amaebi]

That is so absolutely fantastic. :)

Absolutely.

Fantastic.

So.

Whew!

[alatefeline]

Thank you. <3 <3 <3

I hope you are able to have some chances to not HAVE to concentrate too.

Love to Colleen.

And to you.

[jesse_the_k]

Such wonderful news. You have now earned your full adult badge: billable hours on $GIG while Colleen is in ICU!

perhaps my habit of expecting the worst has served to blunt the impact of my
realization that I have been taking Colleen for granted. The moments we have
left are precious, and I've let so many of them go by. She needs to pay more
attention to her self-care; I need to pay more attention to her.

I am so sorry you've had to learn this the hardest possible way, and so glad you've learned it in time.

[mdlbear]

Thank you for highlighting this -- it probably deserves expanding into a separate post, but probably won't get it.