???

[mdlbear]

I don't understand people. The only way I have of understanding anything is to frame hypotheses and ask questions. How do I deal with people who won't discuss problems, and who view my hypotheses as guessing or jumping to conclusions, and my questions as... I don't know what.

I just want to crawl back into my hole.

Comments

[mithriltabby]

Ignore them. If they don’t want to solve problems, they’re part of the problem. Stick with the people who are trying to be part of the solution.

Not an option

[mdlbear]

I'm talking about family members here.

[obsessivewoman.livejournal.com]

I can help you with general communication tips.

Some folks work off emotion and are less likely to want to deal with the analytical approach, as scientists, we can't live without.

These emotion-driven folks may take questions as attacks, especially if they are frustrated themselves. They may also be confused about what they feel or feel guilty about not being able to fix thing by themselves, so they may overreact to suggestions or questions.

Sometimes just saying something as simple as "I care about you (or the company) and I am really concerned. I see __PROBLEM/ACTION__ with __EXPECTED OUTCOME__ as a probable consequence and that worries me. How can I help you to fix this?" And then leave it to them to ask for help or not. It's also best to do this when there's time to talk about it, not 5 minutes before they have to leave for a meeting. Again, additional stressors may reduce an emotional person's ability to deal rationally. Which is why these things may actually go better when writing things down - not email - when discussing specific tasks or behaviors.

When managing people, I used successfully used a matrix. The unacceptable behavior, examples, and expected outcomes (sanctions, loss of special projects, loss of job, legal action, etc...) if the behavior continued. Then we'd work on the behavior I'd want to see instead of the one they were using and created an action plan and time frame for them to do so. I'd require the person write down the plan in their own words. We'd both sign the document. Make copies. Then use that as a focus for reviews. This kept analytical folks happy and kept emotional folks from hearing value judgements or other triggers that caused them to over-react.

Whoever it is you have to deal with, I hope that things work out.

[obsessivewoman.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the typos. I think I need to get lunch.

[jilara.livejournal.com]

It's different personality/communication styles. Some people don't want hypotheses, or possible solutions, or any of that. They just want to vent. Or internalize and tell everyone to go away.

I've been there. Used to drive me nuts. I took a bunch of classes on how to deal with the different styles, and I deal with it better now. But it doesn't mean I don't still get frustrated. So I can feel for you.