Done Since 2022-08-21

[mdlbear]

I spent the entire week with my internal clock running one day fast. Starting with last Sunday, which I mistakenly labeled 0822Mo in the to.do file. Blarg. Took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out.

And it's been kind of a rough week though it started off pretty well, with yard work and baking. And moving the adjustable bed frame down from Whidbey (with the heavy lifting proviided by c getting it into Molly, k getting it out, and j setting it up) went well. BUT...

N and c are now on their way to Colorado, which means that I'll have to move the cats down to Seattle. While what I really want to do is stay up here for another couple of weeks. Or months. Or years. I'm not ready to move. The amount of work left is daunting, and leaving the last place where Colleen and I lived together is just...

I don't know. Tearing me apart. And it's not just the house -- my whole future is uncertain and frightening. I guess that happens when you get old? And realizing that I've lived in this house for five years, four of them with Colleen, and haven't done a damned bit of gardening, yardwork, recording, woodworking, organizing, ... Four years ago I could have blamed it on recovering from burnout. This last year I could have blamed it on grieving. It's probably more like lazyness and bad habits.

Notes & links:
0821Su
  * up 7am; S=7:10; exercises
  @ Opinion | CDC’s updated guidelines for living with the zombie apocalypse - WaPo
  @ Blåhaj Installs Linux - YT
  % pain, apparently a muscle knot, left chest.  Helped by trigger point pressure.
  : driving to Oak Harbor and back would take at least an hour and a half, so...
  * make bagels: Real Homemade Bagels Recipe | Allrecipes with mods for sponge, flour, kneading:
    1.25c _warm_ water
    3tbsp white sugar
    1tbsp instant yeast
    1/2c  bread flour
    -> cover with a towel and allow sponge to rise 20m.  Then add
    1tsp  salt
    2tbsp vegetable oil
    4c    bread flour (save the last 1c for adjustments/kneading in by hand)
    knead until elastic         (ended up using ~3.25, not 4)
    Let rise 2h -> 3:30pm.
    Punch down.  Place on floured work surface and divide into 6ths; shape
    Let rest 15min.  Pre-heat oven to 425
    Bring 4qt water to a boil; add 1c honey or malt syrup (opt.) -> corn syrup
    boil 3 at a time ~1min/side.  Dip in toppings while wet
    Bake until brown, ~15-20m.  15min
    
  * Singing:  Riverheart, The Cap and Bells
  * Weeds.  Finished deflowering the thistles north of the upper driveway, and hit most of
    the ones around the lower drivway with glyphosate.  Rounded Up?  That.
  * bagels and lox for dinner.  !!!
  @ -> mdlbear | Recipe: bagels
  @ The CDC has guided the U.S. COVID epidemic to a soft landing—a manufactured
    conclusion that flies in the face of science, some experts say | Fortune
  * bath.  Felt like I tweaked a (right) calf muscle a little getting out of the tub.
  * laundry
  @ Is the Afterlife All in Our Heads? | Psychology Today 

0822Mo
  & Awake 4ish;
  * up 5:45ish; S=6:19;
  @ Craiyon Image Generator From Text: Online Demo (formerly DALL-E Mini)
  * 15min:  reverse triage.  Pull out "very Colleen" items to photograph.
  * 15min:  Sort laundry.  do dishes.  Clean flour, dough off counter
  : 11ish c heading up -- should get here ~12:45 (based on ferry boarding time)
  @ Discord has adopted React Native for its Android app and people are not happy
    Discord users complain about new Android update - 9to5Google
  % stomach acid attack.  Tums knocked it down, but felt like a close call
  * Photograph all of the "too Colleen to give up" clothes so that I can donate them and
    still have the memories.  Have to do that with  * hats  o stuffies  o etc.
    put them out on discords etc. before dragging away to be donated
  & discuss bed-moving logistics with c

0823Tu
  & awake 3:30ish
  * up 7am; S=7:56, W=203.4; exercises
  @ I recreated famous album covers with DALL-E
  * with c -- take Colleen's bed apart.  Longest piece 43"
  * 10am Healing Center Memory Keepers grief support group.  Next 9/13
  & call Surety about wasp's nest that c noticed over the front door
    Noticed on their website that they do noxious weed control -- will get back to me
    -> not any more; they just haven't updated the website
  : for GS:  craiyon::photorealistic orange dungeness crab wearing blue sunglasses,
    sitting on a towel on the beach at Sorrento Italy with buildings visible behind him
    across the bay.
  * 2:30 drive down to Seattle
  @ posted: A couple of announcements - GoingSideways.blog
  ~ litter boxen -> text to c
  @ NASA Recorded The Sound From A Black Hole, And It's Super Eerie : ScienceAlert
    ‘It takes time to reveal its profundity’: our music critic reviews the sound of
    Nasa’s black hole | Music | The Guardian
    John Scalzi on Twitter: "My remix of the @NASAExoplanets' recording of the
    Perseus Galaxy Cluster gets a brief but positive write-up in the @guardian, how is
    your day going: https://t.co/sMQ91RNDGT" / Twitter
    More New Music: “8/22/22 (Perseus Galaxy Cluster)” | Whatever
  % 9pm feeling pretty ?detached
  % pulled out the animal oracle deck to show G -- the card on top was Turtle.  unplanned
    My remark was "it's an oracle deck"
  % 10ish p=4.5-5: L. hip.  -> meloxicam, heat

0824We
  * Up 5:30; S=5:14, BP=129/77, P=62; exercises
  : heat advisory through Thursday midnight
  & determined that I can stand on the chair in the Studio and easily reach the ceiling
    -> therefore putting up the Elfa rail will be easy.
  * post A Message From the Crab. - GoingSideways.blog
  @ Email Innovation Timeline
  * Get bed pieces out of Molly and into studio (with k doing the heavy lifting)
    Get the basic frame put together
    -> It's quite a lot longer than the other, so may want to
    => rotate 90° CCW (relatve to current position) to put the head under the windows
    :  especially because it would stick out even farther using shelves as a headboard!
    :  It appears to have the extension option welded on, so can't remove it.
  : Bronx bit me on the back of the hand.  Some bleeding.
  * Some tweaking in Mathilda.  Will eventually lead up to more flexible defaults for the
    Xmonad workspaces.
  * laundry.  Forgot about it for hours; may come back tomorrow for the dryer output
  % I keep thinking it's Thursday.  It isn't.

0825Th
  * Up 611; S=6:23, W=202;
  % ... and mistook today for Friday.  Guess I'll have to deal with the dishes myself then
  * unload dryer; fold
  : Skagit Farmer's Supply:  8887576053 #3  Called about the garage propane service.  They
    suggested taking that tank off "keep full" service, so we'd have to call when it needs
    to be topped up.  Done.
  * make vet appointments  for the three RS cats.
    Fremont Animal Hospital - 206-593-2442
    -> Cricket, Bronx, Brooklyn  9/14 3pm - 3601 Fremont Ave N, Unit 204 Seattle, WA 98103 
  * make vet appointment for Ticia and Desti  1pm we 9/7 at SWAC
  : Looks like Molly will be paid off by the end of the year.
  % 2pm low blood sugar?  In any case, not doing all that well
  * 15min: dishes (multiple short sessions throughout the day, as usual)
  * finished arranging and assembling the catlock.  ~ 3:50 - 5:25 = 1:35.  Finished
    assembling the cubes, and decided on placement for the shelf towers.
  @ Erasure in Tarot: Pamela Colman Smith and the Construction of Identity
    Pamela Colman Smith - Wikipedia Rider–Waite tarot deck
    Some interesting background I didn't know.
  & some updates to some Interesting Places pages:
    Interesting Places for Kids#science
    Interesting.Places.to/Browse for Parents#resources
  @ James Webb Takes Mysterious Infrared Images of Multiple Galaxies
    more of Judy Schmidt's lovely image processing work
  % meloxicam ~10pm with drugs

0826Fr
  & awake 3ish??
  * up 7:00 (alarm); S=7:06; 
  * c and N leaving for Colorado
  @ Chelsea Troy on Twitter: "So it sounds like, in a month, @heroku is going to end
    free plans. Apps deployed and hosted for free until now will have to pay, migrate, or
    perish. Let's talk about the sustainability of internet businesses for a second. You
    will not like what I have to say." see below
  @ Heroku’s Next Chapter | Heroku
    " we will be phasing out our free plan for Heroku Dynos, free plan for Heroku
      Postgres, and free plan for Heroku Data for Redis®,... "  -> closed my account
    -> Heroku is going paid-only, and I was only using it in connection with some courses
       on Learn Enough to Be Dangerous that
       either went paid-only or I didn't renew my account.
  : looked into calling 1800gotjunk to have the mattress and box spring hauled off, but G
    wants to keep the mattress if possible.  Well, if I can use it it'll save me a trip,
    but I'm skeptical.
  * Bed assembled (with j providing most of the muscle), mattress placed on it, and box
    spring tucked into the closet edgewise.  The bed sticks out too damned far, but it
    fits, and there's a lot more room around both sides than there was in the old
    orientation.  So win.
  & email reply to Cecilia Eng, confirming a concert slot at OrEcon2 in early November. 
  * make bed, move nightstands; determine whether the mattress works.  If not it'll mean
    another trip to fetch one from RE.
    -> it flexes enough for back support.  OTOH at the low end of its range it's just as
       high as it was on the box spring.  

0827Sa
  * up 5:50; S=6:20;
    : bed adjustments work; sitting with hed and legs raised is comfortable.  On the down
      side it's very difficult to reach my phone with the back up, and the pillow falls
      down behind the raised back.  (Fixable with velcro maybe?)
  @ Pathologising Autism (© Frank L. Ludwig)
  @ The Love We Only Find In Loss - Whats your Grief
  * 9:50ish leave RS.  arrived RE ~12:25ish.
  * 9:53 Surety -> called while I was on the way; wasps' nest taken care of.
  * Back on Whidbey:  let N know that I'm home.
  * after arrival:  * water orchids  * sort mail
  * laundry -- mine plus box room towels.  Sheets will need to be done separately or at
    least with dark colors (e.g. the red sheets)
  * 15min:  swap mattresses - try out the new (narrow) one.
  * 15min:  sweeping
  @ Making an OnlyFans for Saucy Victorian Ankle Pics. (But why the historical ankle
    obsession?) - YouTube (Has been deleted, unfortunately, but it's an absolute hoot)
  % meloxicam with pm drugs
  % had my mask on for several minutes before realizing that the CPAP wasn't attached. :P
    Also I had forgotten to take out the humidifier tank when I left RE

Comments

[spiffyvoxel]

Some progress here last week. Window replacement is complete, though the finishing will need sorting out, they're coming back this Wednesday to deal with that. So we're in limbo for a while until we can get all three rooms back into full use, and I can get my computer back into my room.

In the meantime, I've been sorting through my books to pick out those I'll keep. That leaves a lot more that will either be sold, donated or dumped depending on their condition.

And on Friday I had my online assessment interview via video link, and now I have an official autism diagnosis. I'm still processing that and what it will mean for my future, but it's a considerable weight off my mind.

I can relate to your worries and procrastination, which are the primary reasons why I have such a massive decluttering process ahead of me before my room can be redecorated.

[lilysea]

And realizing that I've lived in this house for five years, four of them with Colleen, and haven't done a damned bit of gardening, yardwork, recording, woodworking, organizing, ... Four years ago I could have blamed it on recovering from burnout. This last year I could have blamed it on grieving. It's probably more like lazyness and bad habits

Being a carer; and/or

Depression; and/or

ADHD

are all valid reasons for not getting things done...

[mdlbear]

True. But some things really need to get done, somehow. But you're right -- there's no need to blame myself for not having done them.

It may require throwing money at some of them; fortunately I have that option. The yard and house repairs are already on that list. In most cases I'll have to start by making phone calls, which is one of the things Colleen was much better at.

[texxgadget]

Grieving would be a better exp[lanation, and deep down, you had to have known this was coming,
so even the first 4 years appear to have been a starting of the grieving process.

[mdlbear]

I've had a lot to grieve, actually. Starting with leaving the Starport in 2012, and Rainbow's End in 2017. We knew since 2018 or so that Colleen was living on borrowed time, and she nearly died in 2019. And there's been a lot of denial on my part over that time.

All that may be part of an explanation.

[freyjaw]

Grieving takes as long as it takes.

[mdlbear]

I know, and I'm not worried about that -- I have good support. What worries me is the stuff that hasn't gotten done.