One thing I’ve found is that our brains are programmable. It’s possible, not necessarily easy, but possible, to define a certain type of situation and then put in place a new automatic reaction.
I did this with anger reactions—I started with specific instances, where in retrospect I believed I’d over-reacted. Since changing my generalized reaction to being angry was, and always has, been intractable, I started with tiny steps. For one specific instance where I felt strongly that my anger had made things worse, instead of better, I programmed in a mental pause, long enough to present myself with the question “is this really worth getting angry?” And it worked! So then I took another instance, and programmed in the same pause and question. And then another. And another. Eventually, my brain got the idea that there were whole categories of things where getting volcanically angry made the situation worse rather than better, and stopped dumping so much adrenaline into my system at the drop of every hat.
How did I do the programming? Well, “mind over matter” is probably a good label. I willed it to happen. I practiced it happening in imagination. And I’m stubborn, so I plastered it in place with stubbornness.
How did I keep it happening? That was easy because I liked the results. I liked not being suffused with that much adrenaline for some little thing. I liked being able to moderate my volume and choose my communication strategy while trying to convince the perpetrator of the annoyance that there IS a better way. And I liked the social consequences of being more relaxed and level-headed.
Why did this come to mind in response to your “snapdragon” post?
It’s because (like a certain someone putting things in the freezer without closing the freezer bag, which will predictably waste food) being interrupted while tightly focused on something is a clearly defined instance that you know will happen again. I theorize that you (this is of course the generic “you”) could program yourself to automatically say something like “I’m in the middle of a thought, give me a minute” in a pleasant or neutral tone of voice, while mentally “parking” the mental project, hopefully in a state where you can pick it up again.
Your snapdragon suggestion is a great way to recover social closeness after the fact, I do want to acknowledge that. I hope the phrase catches and spreads.
But I also wanted to share my thought that if you can program in, to the point where it’s a rote, automatic reaction that doesn’t interrupt your main train of thought, a polite verbalization, and an initiation of the process of putting the mental project on pause, it might reduce the number of hurt feelings that need healing AND reduce the number of lost mental projects that you have to recover. If you can find them again.
I HATE losing my train of thought, and having it vanish into the ether!
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a related thought
Date: 2008-07-29 10:23 pm (UTC)I did this with anger reactions—I started with specific instances, where in retrospect I believed I’d over-reacted. Since changing my generalized reaction to being angry was, and always has, been intractable, I started with tiny steps. For one specific instance where I felt strongly that my anger had made things worse, instead of better, I programmed in a mental pause, long enough to present myself with the question “is this really worth getting angry?” And it worked! So then I took another instance, and programmed in the same pause and question. And then another. And another. Eventually, my brain got the idea that there were whole categories of things where getting volcanically angry made the situation worse rather than better, and stopped dumping so much adrenaline into my system at the drop of every hat.
How did I do the programming? Well, “mind over matter” is probably a good label. I willed it to happen. I practiced it happening in imagination. And I’m stubborn, so I plastered it in place with stubbornness.
How did I keep it happening? That was easy because I liked the results. I liked not being suffused with that much adrenaline for some little thing. I liked being able to moderate my volume and choose my communication strategy while trying to convince the perpetrator of the annoyance that there IS a better way. And I liked the social consequences of being more relaxed and level-headed.
Why did this come to mind in response to your “snapdragon” post?
It’s because (like a certain someone putting things in the freezer without closing the freezer bag, which will predictably waste food) being interrupted while tightly focused on something is a clearly defined instance that you know will happen again. I theorize that you (this is of course the generic “you”) could program yourself to automatically say something like “I’m in the middle of a thought, give me a minute” in a pleasant or neutral tone of voice, while mentally “parking” the mental project, hopefully in a state where you can pick it up again.
Your snapdragon suggestion is a great way to recover social closeness after the fact, I do want to acknowledge that. I hope the phrase catches and spreads.
But I also wanted to share my thought that if you can program in, to the point where it’s a rote, automatic reaction that doesn’t interrupt your main train of thought, a polite verbalization, and an initiation of the process of putting the mental project on pause, it might reduce the number of hurt feelings that need healing AND reduce the number of lost mental projects that you have to recover. If you can find them again.
I HATE losing my train of thought, and having it vanish into the ether!