State of the Bear, continued

[mdlbear]

The koi have spawned; the little ones school near the edge of the pond like tiny jewels: grey, gold, bronze, black, white. Beautiful. Their parents are huge, and even more beautiful.

Sitting and watching them it was easy to ignore the fact that the computer I'm using for my new project at work had frozen again, and again refused to boot (it booted fine when I got back after sitting unplugged for a couple of hours; presumably a thermal problem). Easy, too, to ignore the fact that I had been staring at my cell phone for five minutes debating whether to make a call (I never did).

I suppose that what I'd been feeling up until recently has been best described as blunted affect rather than actual depression most of the time; Colleen says it's been a dozen years. I wouldn't know; I can't remember the last time I was consistently happy for more than a day or two without some specific cause. It may be just a shift in brain chemistry, and it's probably temporary, but I'll take it.