Two sets of questions

[mdlbear]

Two sets of questions for you, inspired by my post on social answers and calibration. The first set doesn't have "right answers", it's just a kind of survey.

1. Do you consider a "social answer" a form of dishonesty (i.e., a lie), or a convenient shorthand based on a social convention that certain socially-incompetent geeks like me never learned to understand?
2. Do you give "social answers" yourself?
3. If so, is there usually a subtext, and do you expect the listener to understand it?

I'll give mine: 1: shorthand; 2: only rarely except with strangers; 3: not a conscious one/no.

The second set is stuff I don't have a clue about. I'm asking because I very much want -- and need -- to learn how to get better at interacting with people.

1. Is it usually safe to ignore the subtext, or is it usually something very important that will cause problems if I miss it?
2. Is it socially acceptable to probe for further details?
3. If that's situational, is there any way to tell when it's acceptable?
4. Can a 61-year-old geek learn this arcane skill, and if so, how?

I don't have answers for those, obviously.

Comments

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

to the first: yes; yes; and it comes from my caring for the recipient.

to the second: no, it is usually important; depends on one's level of mutual intimacy; this will already be established (everyone starts at 5 out of 10, and moves up and down that scale based upon experience) ; yes, I should think so, but listening attentively and working to hear things in the way that others would hear them.

I applaud your insights!

[mdlbear]

Does your "yes" on 1.1 mean "yes it's a lie" or "yes it's shorthand"? I'm guessing the latter, but don't have enough context to tell.

[angharads-house.livejournal.com]

oh, convenient shorthand, dear; and yes, technically speaking it is a lie, but it is a necessary one. ^_^