Two sets of questions

[mdlbear]

Two sets of questions for you, inspired by my post on social answers and calibration. The first set doesn't have "right answers", it's just a kind of survey.

1. Do you consider a "social answer" a form of dishonesty (i.e., a lie), or a convenient shorthand based on a social convention that certain socially-incompetent geeks like me never learned to understand?
2. Do you give "social answers" yourself?
3. If so, is there usually a subtext, and do you expect the listener to understand it?

I'll give mine: 1: shorthand; 2: only rarely except with strangers; 3: not a conscious one/no.

The second set is stuff I don't have a clue about. I'm asking because I very much want -- and need -- to learn how to get better at interacting with people.

1. Is it usually safe to ignore the subtext, or is it usually something very important that will cause problems if I miss it?
2. Is it socially acceptable to probe for further details?
3. If that's situational, is there any way to tell when it's acceptable?
4. Can a 61-year-old geek learn this arcane skill, and if so, how?

I don't have answers for those, obviously.

Comments

[mithriltabby]

I think the “social answer” is the one to give when someone is asking a “social question”. If someone’s just asking you “how’s it going?” in passing, they’re just being polite, so the thing to do is give them a polite answer that allows you to move on from there. If they appear genuinely interested in getting an update on your life (usually evidenced by body language showing that they’re stopping to talk with you rather than passing by), a more detailed answer may be in order.

[mdlbear]

The problem, for me, comes when I get a social answer *not* to a "social question" but as a brush-off. If I don't notice the subtext it might be OK to ignore it; if I _do_ notice the subtext I want to see whether it was really there, and in so doing risk opening a big can of worms.