Two sets of questions

[mdlbear]

Two sets of questions for you, inspired by my post on social answers and calibration. The first set doesn't have "right answers", it's just a kind of survey.

1. Do you consider a "social answer" a form of dishonesty (i.e., a lie), or a convenient shorthand based on a social convention that certain socially-incompetent geeks like me never learned to understand?
2. Do you give "social answers" yourself?
3. If so, is there usually a subtext, and do you expect the listener to understand it?

I'll give mine: 1: shorthand; 2: only rarely except with strangers; 3: not a conscious one/no.

The second set is stuff I don't have a clue about. I'm asking because I very much want -- and need -- to learn how to get better at interacting with people.

1. Is it usually safe to ignore the subtext, or is it usually something very important that will cause problems if I miss it?
2. Is it socially acceptable to probe for further details?
3. If that's situational, is there any way to tell when it's acceptable?
4. Can a 61-year-old geek learn this arcane skill, and if so, how?

I don't have answers for those, obviously.

Comments

I don't do subtext either.

[impresaria1.livejournal.com]

My former husband has been trying to communicate with me in dropped hints and subtle cues for years, and I shrug off both, partially because I can't believe anyone would be crass enough to actually want to communicate this way, and partly because the dropped hints are subtle enough to be rife with possibilities for misunderstanding. Sometimes that kind of thing makes me feel like a panther with a bee buzzing around my head; I merely want to swat it.

I give social answers, but usually only when I do not want to talk.
"Fine" instead of "I have a splitting headache and a deadline..."

I do not do subtext unless it is mutually agreed on and understood

or unless I am being deliberately unkind; as in, to hecklers.