Still hanging in there...

[mdlbear]

... if only by my fingernails. Managed to get through this afternoon's TPN disconnect without falling apart, in spite of some minor crosstalk, a couple of flubs, and the fact that I'd somehow managed to overtighten the cap when I changed it yesterday. I still have one more trick to try tonight before throwing in the towel and calling for help. (21:05 paper towel didn't work; metaphorical towel will be officially thrown tomorrow with a call to the infusion clinic. No, the general rule of "if you can't do it right, use ViceGrips does not apply in this case.)

I'll do it in the bedroom from now on; if nothing else, not having to kneel down will take a lot of strain off my knees, and not having to bend over will take a lot of strain off my back.

Joyce drove Colleen to Furcon this afternoon. It's good to see her getting out of the house, even though it's only short excursions with help. I worry about next weekend.

I have a headache. It's not helping.

Comments

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Not being able to unscrew something does not make you a total failure at life. I have fairly small hands, so I often have to ask for help unscrewing things. You're allowed to want help.

[mdlbear]

Help in this case means calling Kaiser, getting an appointment in the infusion clinic, and hoping that they have a suitable tool. My hands are stronger than most people's.

I know this doesn't make me a total failure, but it's one more setback to make me feel like a failure.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

You're not medically trained, so you can't expect yourself to know everything (both the information, and the physical skills) immediately. A "total failure" would be the RN who administered IV fluids to a friend of my son's, when I had to take her to the ER for dehydration caused by food poisoning. Somehow the trained nurse missed the vein, and infused normal saline into the tissues of the poor girl's hand and wrist, which swelled up painfully; the situation was not rectified until the next shift came on, and a different nurse paid attention to the girl's complaints.

And let me tell you another story. (Have you noticed that I like to tell stories?) I'm in the middle of a legal mess involving finances; among other things, that means I can't afford a lawyer. I've been trying, over the past few months, to teach myself how to do legal research into case law, and prepare "briefs" to present to a court. I have never had any legal training in my life, and I never wanted to. But now I have to. And I'm positive that I'm making some possibly very serious mistakes... and if I do it wrong, and the court finds against me, the consequences will be somewhere between disastrous and life-threatening. I must not fail - yet I'm convinced that I'm failing repeatedly. But there's nobody else to do it for me, so I must continue anyway.

Necessity is a mother******...

[sunruner.livejournal.com]

Find a few minutes to relax and center yourself. You won't help yourself or Colleen if you end up getting so stressed out you make yourself sick.

You are not a trained medical professional, nor do you play one on TV. There will be flubs and mishaps. Some people go to school for years learning stuff like this and they will still have flubs and mishaps sometimes. It's definitely not a sign of failure. The fact that you're willing to ask for help is a good thing.

*hugs and good thoughts coming your direction*