Done yesterday

[mdlbear]

0324 Tu
  * up 6:05; W=188.4; drugs, nose; coffee; emergen-c
    ! I really prefer getting up before the alarm at 6:20.  Really.
    ! worried about Colleen
  & 7:20 Visit Colleen
    ! calm: she seems optimistic.
  & laundry (Colleen's, from last night)
  & 8:45 WB to talk about Colleen's care
    ! angry, I hope effectively.  Spoke to (WB case mgr) Kim.
  * 9am: leave for work
    * 10am work: $group meeting
  * 11am work: mtg with $coworkers
  & follow-up calls from Dr. Chopra and Kim.
    -> should talk to (Kaiser case mgr) Alice Martin
  & $coworker fainted in the hallway; was attended by paramedics by the time I
    got off the phone.  Hopefully he's OK now.  ! concerned
    (0325) update:  he's ok: probable kidney stone.  Back at work Thurs.
  & 12:50 call to Colleen.  
    She's had one PT session, will have another in afternoon.
    Has had followup on transport to Kaiser Thursday.  ~$90.
    Will have a consult with a psychiatrist.  
    ! she's unhappy.  I'm concerned.
  & 1ish: 40min walk to pond and back
    ! calm, but thinking.
    Insight of the day:  the scenery is strange, but the journey is 
      familiar -- it's a Quest.  That's what makes it OK.
  = research: tryptophan supplement?
    probably not needed.
  * to WB by 4pm unless something arranged with Kim before then
    spoke to PT, the RN at station 1, and the director of nursing
    not making good progress with PT.  Terrified of falling.
    bladder and bowel retraining.  Why did I have to fscking ask?
    ! concerned; angry (hopefully productively)
  & helped Colleen sit up on the edge of the bed.
  & Pickle 
    ! happy, laughing, relaxed
  -> Michael Malone, Handling Sin (N.)
  ! emotionally drained
  * 8pm get together with Stef and Aahz (here)
    -> Getting the Love You Want (Hendrix) (will send copy)
    ! mostly happy.  A few very rough spots.  Problems with Kat.
  * 10pm see if ice has melted in water cooler.  ~ Plug back in.
    ! unhappy.  Forgot to plug in.
  * bath
    ! getting progressively more depressed thinking about Colleen's (lack of)
      progress.  Helpless.  Losing hope.  Overwhelmed.
  * bed ~midnight.  Slept badly.

It seemed as though all my attention yesterday was eaten up with talking to the people taking care of Colleen: the case manager, the doctor (Dr. Chopra) at the nursing home, nurses, the physical therapy team, the director of nursing. It's not encouraging, either in terms of her actual progress or the care I think she's getting. Probably a long post on that later today. I got angry at a few people I probably shouldn't have, but hopefully it was productive in terms of getting them to pay attention.

It was an eventful day at work, too, though: two meetings in the morning (one cut short by the phone call from Dr. Chopra), a presentation dry run in the afternoon, and a coworker fainting, apparently from loss of blood due to a kidney stone, while I was obliviously on the phone. He's fine.

On my afternoon visit to Colleen I relayed the information that the PT staff didn't think she was doing enough; she responded by sitting on the edge of the bed (with only a little help from me with her weak left leg).

In spite of being pretty relaxed and upbeat by the time I got home, to the point of laughing at a bit of silliness with the Wolfling, I was bascally out of emotional spoons. In spite of a nice visit from firecat and Aahz (WINOLJ), I got progressively more depressed as the evening wore on, and was something of a wreck by the time I got to bed. I slept badly.

I'm feeling better this morning after a nice visit with Colleen, but still south of OK. Colleen seemed both optimistic and determined; that cheered me a lot. So did feeling loved.

I was operating pretty far out of my comfort zone dealing with Colleen's care; that's probably a lot of what ran me out of spoons.

Comments

[ravan.livejournal.com]

With Kaiser you always have to push. Also, PT people seem to be patronizing pessimists - if you don't do things exactly their way, you "aren't making progress". Feh.

[mdlbear]

She needs understanding and encouragement, and she absolutely needs to be listened to. I don't think she's getting any of those.

[septemberlilac.livejournal.com]

I don't know if there is such a thing as a comfort zone when handling situations like this. It's been five years since my experiences dealing with PT personnel and some of the memories still make my blood boil. Here's my advice: Do NOT believe a single negative word they say at this point. Not. One. Negative. Word. And for the love of whatever you hold sacred, do NOT allow them to drag Colleen's spirits or expectations down. Some of these people have a checklist and a schedule and little else - woe betide anyone who doesn't keep to the expected pace in exactly the way they decree. I've seen firsthand the psychological damage that can be done by people wielding clipboards and "I'm the PT, I know everything" attitudes. Apologies for the rant, but I just hate to see anyone else have to go through this crap. Hugs to both of you.

[mdlbear]

Thanks. I got that kind of arrogance from her doctor, too.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Dealing with any large bureaucracy is terrifying and stifling and disempowering. Dealing with the medical bureaucracy is even worse, because they hold literal, physical power over you - they can keep you hospitalized, drug you into compliance, or deny you pain relief to "punish" you for disobeying them. They make it difficult to communicate by putting everything into their own argot.

Don't let them intimidate you or Colleen. Ultimately, you're paying their salaries. And they know as well as you do that you can always get a second opinion. Go by your gut instinct and hers about Colleen's progress, not by what they write on the chart.