Done yesterday (20090828)

[mdlbear]

0828 Fr
  * up 7:50; W=197.2; drugs, nose; coffee, C
  * 9:00 bring car in for service (leave 8:40ish)
    lube, oilchange, 100K? -> minor service, windows, door handles
    timing belt gets changed at 110K
  * 4:15 Colleen's appointment with Kavanaugh
    ! Colleen very upset: no easy fix.  needs appointment with
      gyneco-urologist to evaluate bladder problems.
  * Walgreen's: briefs; tampons for YD
  * car ready but windows need parts.  Can't be ordered until Tues.
  <- Caught myself saying "I'm sorry" in a context where I could figure out
     that it meant "I'm sorry I can't pay attention to you right now; I need
     to concentrate on what I'm doing."  I.e., an attempt to forestall an
     interrupt.  I must have been dealing with somebody very impatient once.
  <- My habit of repeating short commands multiple times probably came from
     dealing with the kids:  "stopstopstop".
  <- Colleen answers my questions before I finish asking them.  I then have to
     ask again, to make sure that she's answering the question I intended to
     ask or (more often) the question she thought I was going to ask.  She
     gets upset whenever I do this, and also whenever I try to explain it.
  ! unhappy and distressed.  Probably mostly a "contact low"
  & Re-arranged books in bedroom; food now has its own shelf.
    will let me move the rest of the health and travel books from the office.
  | I feel as though I've eaten too much, but I'm still "hungry".
    That probably means there's something I'm not getting enough of.

Mostly a work-from-home day, though I was able to squeeze in a very productive couple of hours at the lab between taking my car in for service and Colleen's follow-up appointment with her surgeon. At the former, I found out that my warranty will save me roughly a grand on repair to the windows, but that the parts aren't in stock. I think maybe I'll leave the car there, since the warranty expires in 500 miles. At the latter, we found that Colleen needs to see a gyneco-urologist to evaluate her bladder problems, which means more delay.

The big breakthrough came on the drive home from Kaiser, when I caught myself saying "I'm sorry" in a context where I could figure out what it meant. It meant "I'm sorry I can't pay attention to you right now; I need to concentrate on what I'm doing." In other words, an attempt to forestall interruptions at a time when they would have been dangerous. Of course, it didn't mean that to Colleen; I'm going to have to come up with a different protocol. Possibly something like "Concentrating now...OK".

I use "I'm sorry" in far too many different contexts. Drives Colleen nuts, and with good reason. More protocol development needed.

I also realized that my habit of repeating short commands multiple times comes from dealing with the kids when they were younger. I'd say "stopstopstop!" for example, starting when I notice a problem and repeating until the kid actually stopped doing it.

I am having a lot of trouble explaining some things to Colleen, and it made for some friction yesterday. One is the idea of making a 90-degree turn while backing up her scooter. I think I may finally have gotten through to her on that one. The other is the reason why I ask questions multiple times. Mostly it happens when I can't usefully interpret the first answer. Often that's because I didn't finish asking the question, so I need to make very sure she understands what I intended to ask. It's stressful. Grump.

Colleen spent most of the evening being understandably unhappy about the lack of a quick fix from her Kaiser appointment, and I ended up feeling unhappy and distressed as well. "Contact low?"

I also noticed that I'd eaten too much, but still felt "hungry" in the sense of wanting to eat. I didn't; I brushed my teeth instead. But it may mean that there's something in my diet that I'm not getting enough of. Just have to figure out what.

Comments

[kyrielle]

It may mean there's something you're short in your diet, but if not, it could also be because it was a very stressful day and you've been dismantling your old, less-than-useful "coping" mechanisms - new ones may try to rise into their place, and comfort eating might be part of that.

[mdlbear]

I'm pretty sure that comfort eating has always been one of my minor coping mechanisms. It may be getting a little worse, though.

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, ditto on the "eating shows up as coping mechanism" possibility.

And much sympathies on sorting out communication difficulties. Ghu knows that John and I have more than our share of those (introvert aspergers guy married to extrovert normie gal. Add in different definitions for the same words of phrases. Can you say "giant disconnect from hell"?? I knew you could.)

Happy to share some non-eating coping mechanisms if you'd like, and happy to share the protocols we've developed over the years.

By the way, I too used to (and often still do) say "I'm sorry" in place of any number of other communications. It does suck. I blame my Midwestern Lutheran upbringing. :-)

[mdlbear]

I'd be delighted to get some suggestions, both on coping mechanisms and protocols. Thanks.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who overuses "I'm sorry."

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

So, I don't seem to have your email address, and this is probably better conveyed in an email or the like. (I suppose I could IM, but...no. Will take some composing, I expect.)

My email is druppert at clearspringlabs dot com. Drop me a note so I have your email address (because I currently do not) and I will see what I can help with.

Coping mechanisms: I check the "Am I really hungry" state first...how long has it been since a meal, what's my blood sugar doing, did I miss any major food groups recently? If that comes up as "no, not really hungry", then it's substitution time. I write, call a friend and talk a bit, you could go for a walk (although it's not an option for me), make some music, pet a cat, snuggle with my honey...or just sit zazen for 10 minutes. The urge usually passes in 10 minutes if it is not physical hunger. Oh, other good thing is..."if it's not hunger, what is it?" exercise. Trying to burrow down to see is this anger, loneliness, tired? what basic need am I missing? and then aim to do something to fill that need. In my case, the needs are usually "tired" or "low oxygen" and the fixes are "nap" or "deep breathing". Or if it's feelings, you know...actually feeling them. (Something I'm not all that good at despised my advanced age (g)).

More later.

I've been known to say

[capplor.livejournal.com]

"My buffers are approaching full"

Usually it IS a challenging driving situation, although I've had the same feeling at work sometimes (but ironically a computer metaphor probably wouldn't have worked.)

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

"Sorry gotta concentrate" might work.

And yes, you can get a contact low, especially from someone you share metaphysical ties to.

The "hungry" thing could be a diet issue, or it could be a transference -- "hungry" for hugs, for instance, and if they're not forthcoming, well, food can be a comfort too. Or hungry for brain stimulation -- when I was stuck in a beige cubicle with no windows and not allowed to even put up a colorful calendar, I found I ate too much.