River: Avoiding the phone

[mdlbear]

I had a fascinating conversation with a couple of coworkers this morning about avoiding the phone. R. described herself as "phone phobic", and it brought home the fact that it isn't a phobia at all. There's no fear involved; one simply... doesn't make calls. As R. said later, one simply doesn't think about it except at times when it's impossible to make the call. Or, as K. said, it's something you can do any time, so there's never a pressing reason to do it now, and there's always something else more urgent/desirable/easy/fun to do.

So what is it?

Maybe it's just that it reminds me of or requires me to think about things that make me uncomfortable. That seems to be generally true of things I avoid. It's not just the phone: taxes, anything involving paperwork or finances -- my finances are a trainwreck and I really don't want to think about that. But phone calls? I can see being uncomfortable with calling my broker on some financial matter, but Callie?! What's making me uncomfortable about that?

Maybe it's the whole "I don't want to interrupt anything; I'm not important; why would anybody want to talk to me?" thing. Low self-esteem. That's this month's whipping boy.

Or maybe there is some fear down there -- I already know that I'm not in touch with my feelings. But fear of what? It doesn't made sense.

Of course, if it made sense, it wouldn't be an irrational behavior, would it?

Comments

[kyrielle]

For me, phone avoidance (when it happens) is tied not to a fear but to a dislike. I don't care for the medium. It is too real-time and demanding, but with not enough feedback. In person conversations are good - you get the words, the tone of voice, but also expression, body language, context. If the person wants to leave they can signal that in a thousand subtle ways; you don't get stuck in a loop where you try to beg off the phone and they keep talking, USUALLY. It's at least less common.

Conversely, IM or email has even less contextual information, but it also allows for response delays and time to think, which can be used to counteract the lack of additional information beyond the words and can also impart a certain amount of thoughtfulness to the discussion that, due to time constraints, won't necessarily be present in a phone or face-to-face.

Both alternate mediums win out over the phone, IMO; phone is valuable when I want face to face and can't have it due to distance, but it's a decided second best. (Which makes me wonder whether I'd like video phones. That might be the case!)

[mdlbear]

I don't know which came first, the dislike or the avoidance. I like getting calls from friends, but that's pretty rare.

You're right, it's decidedly worse than either email or face-to-face.

[ranch101.livejournal.com]

I know the genesis of my phone phobia. In kindergarten, I talked my Mom into letting me call a boy in my class. I managed to call during his dinner time which annoyed his mother. And then I couldn't think of anything to say which caused endless embarrassment for me.

Knowing doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I still find it traumatic to make phone calls, even to friends. Answering calls is much easier for me. It's not really fair to my friends to put the burden on them, but most of them are understanding or they wouldn't be my friends in the first place.

[mdlbear]

I think mine started in college, when I spent a year cold-calling girls trying to get dates. As you say, knowing where it came from doesn't help much.