Done yesterday (20091213 Su)

[mdlbear]

1213 Su
  * awake 7:30ish; snuggle; up 8ish; W=199.8; drugs, nose, teeth; shower
  + the most recent upgrade on Dorsai seems to have fixed flash!
    ! delighted
  & ordered Healthy Mind, ..l from Powells
  * backups:** 2009-12-13T08:45:53-0800 - 2009-12-13T09:25:55-0800 -> /media/bak
  * Dickens Fair
    ! very mixed.  High stress due to crowd, noise level.
  ~ buy applesauce (Colleen can order, since no latkes tonight)
  ~ latkes
  * 5:30  YD has game tonight and wants to get there early
    Took her to BK to buy herself dinner.
  * buy: pantsu, box of wipes, immodium
  * buy machine oil and WD40 for Rosebud (and more, of course)
  ! tired.  Stressed?
    (06:40:26 PM) me: I don't think I used to get this tired and stressed just
      from going to the Dickens; being emotionally inert seems to have had its
      advantages. 
    (06:41:36 PM) me: ("inert" is wrong but I don't know what's right.
      "Unreactive"?  In chemistry they're synonyms.) 
  * steak and straw mushrooms in butter and pepper for dinner
  & Found Animusic 2 - listening
  @ Affect consciousness - article not useful
  @ Empathy
    Nonverbal communication
      Measurements of the ability to communicate nonverbally and the capacity
      to feel empathy have shown that the two abilities are independent of
      each other
  * oil Rosebud's seat post -- much better
  | headache, anxiety/tension, joint pain, tired
  ! rather down.
  * Bed 11ish.  nice loving snuggle

I started the day in pretty good shape emotionally, but probably significantly underslept. I was delighted to find that the most recent software upgrade on Dorsai had fixed flash video, finally.

Then we went to the Dickens Fair. I always used to enjoy it; this time it was far too noisy, crowded, and stressful. I ended the afternoon tired and vaguely unhappy. I think my former state of emotional unresponsiveness had some distinct advantages -- this will probably be my last Fair. Not Colleen's -- she had a blast, the more so because she could get around easily in the scooter.

The YD went early to her Sunday evening game night, and grabbed a burger at BK on the way. This gave me the opportunity to cook the two steaks that had been sitting in the fridge for a while -- butter, pepper, and a can of straw mushrooms from the cupboard.

After dinner, I finally located Animusic 2, so we watched that. Animusic 1 is still missing.

Ended the day with a headache, joint pain (ok, maybe I shouldn't sit cross-legged in the fan-back chair), and a lot of tension. It mostly all went away once we got into bed and had a good, long snuggle.

Interesting quote from the Wikipedia article on nonverbal communication: "Measurements of the ability to communicate nonverbally and the capacity to feel empathy have shown that the two abilities are independent of each other." Good to know.

On the whole not a particularly good day, but an instructive one.

Comments

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

You know, with a little more experience and practice, you should be able to set your emotional responsiveness level, so you can enjoy things like the faire. Now, Faires are totally optional, you could choose to do without them, but other things (work meetings are a possible example) can be more tolerable with the responsiveness set lower.

Ideally, you set yourself with a "window" type mental setup, so you can objectively notice the things that would be emotionally wearing while being shielded from feeling worn -- kind of like having a window on a snowy winter wonderland. With walls and a window, you can see how pretty the snow and ice are without getting hit in the face with it the whole time.

If you do this, just remember to take the window-shielding down when you go home, since you do want to feel the warm love from Colleen!

Or you can devise the window to be between you and strangers, but not there between you and friends/loved ones. Unless you do the mental equivalent of going into your office and closing the door for a while, of course!

[mdlbear]

Actually, work meetings are usually ok; I work with a bunch of smart nerds, and people take turns talking.

It might be possible; at this point I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to learn that kind of control. Especially when I don't know what changed my responsiveness in the first place.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Don't think of it as changing your internal responsiveness, think of it as sometimes adding an external shield. To use a different metaphor, your eyes stay the same, but you can put on protective goggles when needed.

[mdlbear]

Hmm. Yes, that's a good way to think of it. I used to call it my "shell" (think turtle) back in the day. But I'm not sure where I put it, or how to get it off again if I find it again.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

It will be right to hand when you trust yourself to use it as needed, rather than getting stuck in it again. Put some thought into what you'd like it to be, how you'd like it changed, before trying to put it on again.

After all, the shell is just a thought form -- a subroutine, if you will. A programmed automatic (protective) interface.

Imagine your ideal "shell", something that protects you when you need protecting, supports you when you need support, and leaves you appropriately open to both the things you know you enjoy when you aren't locked in a shell, and to new experiences.

Debug your "turtle shell", and redesign it to be more functional. And when you have "TurtleShell v. 2.0" beta test it before letting it become automatic. And even when you're happy with it, you'll find that as you grow and learn, you want to change it again. You'll think of new things it can do for you, or find ways it still limits you, and you can redesign it again.

[mdlbear]

*nods slowly*

I'm not used to that kind of thing, but it sounds interesting. Definitely worth a try.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Well, you programmed it in the first place, though you may not have realize that's what you were doing at the time.