Done yesterday (20091218 Fr)

[mdlbear]

1218 Fr
  * Up 7:30; W=201.6; drugs, nose, teeth; coffee
  * dishes (unload, load), laundry (unload, transfer, load)
  <=want a clean kitchen for Christmas.  Top to bottom.
    told Colleen.  She's working on it.
  | /me is starting the day off tired and frazzled.  Grump.
  * 10:30 meeting at work; leave by 9:30
    Had trouble concentrating.  (sigh)
  * chaos having trouble printing from mac laptop.
  * short but fast walk to improve mood.
  * fun meeting, reporting brainstorming results
  * buy coffee
  + Upton's chocolate Earl Grey is to YUM!  
  % AHA: Some avoidance due to *excess caution*.  If I don't do anything, I
    won't screw it up.
  * laundry (unload, transfer, load)
  * S=3629 (not sure I believe that)
  * bed 11:30; snuggle
    | aha: my initial reaction to snuggle is now something like an adrenalin
      rush -- trembling, ragged breath, etc.  Something changing again, and
      for the better.  Perhaps I've given myself permission to feel deeply.

A pretty good day, though I started it tired and frazzled from sleeping badly, followed by an hour and a half of laundry and dishes. I told Colleen that what I want for Christmas is a clean kitchen. She'll need lots of help for that, and I don't really expect it to happen.

Work was mostly presentations. The morning one was nearly incomprehensible, between a Japanese accent and Japanese-style crowded slides. I took a short, fast walk, which helped a lot. The afternoon meeting was a lot more fun, with groups reporting on the results of a week of brainstorming sessions.

Upton's chocolate Earl Grey tea is to YUM.

Insight of the day: some of my avoidance of things is due to excess caution. The feeling that, if I don't do something, I won't screw it up. (Somehow the notion that not doing it will screw things up even worse has failed to penetrate my tiny bear-like brain.)

Observation of the day: for the last couple of days, my initial reaction on coming to bed with Colleen has been remarkably intense. Trembling, ragged breath,... the last time I observed that, it was from fear. Something is clearly changing again, and for the better this time. Perhaps I've given myself permission to feel things deeply. Or perhaps I'm just bringing that feeling closer to the surface.