Done yesterday (20100517 Mo)

[mdlbear]

0517 Mo
  & awake ~5:30; cuddle
  * up 6:38; W=197.8; drugs, nose, teeth; coffee
  @ The Wordsmith's Forge - Disabilities in Literature
  @ A mathematical sestina [pdf]
    from The Wordsmith's Forge - Sestina Math
  : YD is selling stuff on eBay.  Scary.
  * 10:30 pick Mom up at hotel, leave for airport
  : Mom's surprised at how cheerful Colleen is, considering her problems.
  * 12:30 Mom's flight leaves 
    Return Flight is at 12:30 PM Monday May 17. via Phoenix.
  x bank: talk to Ann.  Bring checks -> tomorrow afternoon or weekend
  @ OneSocialWeb - Creating a free, open, and decentralized social networking
    platform.  and Diaspora - the privacy aware, personally controlled, do-it-all 
    distributed open source social network (from a coworker)
    These are the kind of thing I'm really looking for.
  -> $work won't pay for OSCon.  Could make the expo a 1-day stop on the way
     to Seattle for a weekend.  (leave Thursday and save 2 days vacation)
  % more on not being conscious of my emotions, and why it bothers me: it
    seems a lot like the kind of problem diabetics have with foot wounds.  N
    thinks I'm freaking out about Baycon.  Mom thinks I'm trying to do too
    many things at once, between care, work, and housework.  They may be
    right.  Self-care is less likely to happen if you can't tell that you need
    it or what you need.
  & I can haz alto 4 Baycon! (Marty)
  & some meditation, in an attempt to notice emotions.  Fail.
  @ Study: ADHD linked to pesticide exposure
    from ysabetwordsmith 
  * 14,000 Things To Be Happy About arrived.  Very odd book.  Maybe.
    Opinions differ on many things.  The Federal deficit?
  <-rule of thumb:  Don't ask how I'm doing if you're not prepared to find out.
  * practice with Marty
    demon(drop down to Am) rosie wheelin riverheart cicero
    Where the Heart Is, a lame attempt at Landscapes
  * bath; bed ~midnight, snuggle

A pretty good day. Took Mom to the airport after a very nice visit -- it's good to see that she's doing well. She seemed more worried about me than I am about her. She was also impressed at how cheerful Colleen is. So am I, but sometimes I don't notice things.

And an evening spent practicing for my Baycon concert (5pm Saturday) with Marty. Yay!

A very good insight about why not being conscious of my emotions bothers me. It seems a lot like diabetic neuropathy: diabetics lose sensation in their feet, and a blister can turn into an abscess into gangrene -- I have diabetic friends who've had their feet amputated. It seems as though things can be terribly wrong, and if there isn't a physical symptom (or if there is but it's not one I've learned to recognize) I don't notice until I'm in serious trouble. On the flip side, I don't know what makes me feel good, because I can't tell when I feel good.

Some good links under the cut, including a couple of distributed social network projects that might be getting close to what I'm looking for.

Comments

If you want to continue the analogy

[capplor.livejournal.com]

I understand that a standard part of the diabetic's routine is a "VSE" (visual search of extremities). Make it part of your routine to do the same thing emotionally, at least until you notice it not being necessary any more. What happened today? Is it good or bad? Am I feeling it?

Or is that what you're doing here?

Re: If you want to continue the analogy

[mdlbear]

Actually, that's the problem. I can't do a proper search, because most of the emotions aren't "visible". Keeping a log helps a lot, but it's necessarily incomplete. Things sneak up on me.

[itskoi.livejournal.com]

I like to mentally rank my feelings (out of ten). . .IE this morning I am mentally a 9 although I am terribly grouchy - overall I am a 7 because of some serious discontent living here, yet my mental status is pretty decent.

How am I on my best day? That is the 10. How am I on my worst day? That is a 1, or less.

[mdlbear]

I'm not very good at that kind of ranking, in part because my usual range is pretty small, and in part because I don't have a good memory for things I'm barely able to detect and often don't have words for. There's a second dimension, which is how strongly I'm feeling it; that's usually in a very small range at the low end.

[callibr8]

Here's an off-the-wall suggestion: yoga. A good yoga class, and reasonably regular practice, can serve (have served me) very well to connect/reconnect with one's physical/somatic self, and be more aware of when I'm physically tense or off-balance. It has to be a multi-week class though, not a one-time thing. I would recommend hatha yoga, or kripalu.

[mdlbear]

That sounds like a really good suggestion. I was interested in it (self-study) back during high school. Along similar lines, N. recommended massage. And tai chi looks interesting.

How I would find time for any of this when I'm having serious difficulty even going for walks at lunchtime is, of course, an exercise for the writer.

[jcfiala.livejournal.com]

I am amused at the coincidence. Today, the 19th, when I read this, I've just dropped my Mother off at the airport after a visit from her as well.

It's nice to stay in touch with family. (Well, some families. Mine's mostly cool.)