Done yesterday (20110421 Th)

[mdlbear]

0421 Th
  * up 6:40; W=194.4; drugs, nose, teeth, laundry, dishes, coffee, light
  @ UK Music Publishers file copyright complaint over public domain sheet
    music, GoDaddy nukes major music site - Boing Boing 
  & fixed the front doorknobs on the way out.  Loose setscrews on both sides.
  % psa: I lose control over my tone of voice when I'm seriously overloaded
    and trying to concentrate on a task, especially under the combination of
    stress and back pain.  I curse, loudly, and anyone attempting to say
    anything to me at this point is going to be snapped at.  Maybe I should
    work on responding quietly.  Anger management?  Something else?  Is there
    such a thing as "frustration management"?
  @ Amazon EC2 goes down, taking with it Reddit, Foursquare and Quora
  @ Silicon.Shaman - This would explain a lot... who Ayn Rand idolized
    Daily Kos: Hero or Monster: Ayn Rand and William Hickman
  : Somebody in Redmond, WA actually bought a copy of CC&S from CDBaby today!
  @ 6 Common mistakes that can ruin your relationship | 17000 Days
  * date night dinner in:  rib-eye steaks pan-broiled with onions.  Yum.  
  * very sleepy around 10pm
  ! unexpectedly affectionate response to a silly comment.  Felt... good but odd?
  * pay bills
  * laundry
  * bed 11ish
  * dream with cooking, a hotel room shared with a British couple, neither of
    whom I know in RL and both of whom seemed to be somewhat attracted to me, a
    huge underground lecture hall (which I've seen in previous dreams) behind
    a little door, and packing for the plane trip back home.  I kept
    discovering stacks of uncashed checks and $20 bills in my rolly.  Lot of
    wishful thinking there.

Somebody in Redmond, WA actually bought a copy of Coffee Computers and Song at CD Baby! That's my first physical sale there in over a year. You can also buy very high quality MP3s of either the whole album, or individual tracks. Yes, that's a shameless plug.

PSA: I lose control over my tone of voice when I'm seriously overloaded and trying to concentrate on a task, especially under the combination of stress and back pain. I curse, loudly, and anyone attempting to say anything to me at this point is going to be snapped at. Maybe I should work on responding quietly, but have no idea how to go about it. Anger management? Something else? Is there such a thing as "frustration management"?

Also along the River, an unexpectedly affectionate response to a comment elsejournal felt... nice, but rather odd.

It was another day of mostly meetings at work. I think my main job for the next couple of weeks is going to be documentation, AKA doing a brain-dump before I return to research at the end of May.

Some good links in the notes.

Comments

[janeg.livejournal.com]

It's a good album; too bad it's not selling more. The reference to Jonathan Coulton is dead on. Maybe you need to add IT and/or technology to the description so it gets found by more geeks.

[mdlbear]

Good suggestion -- thanks!

[shadowe_wraithe]

Bookmarked to add to my collection, once Norwescon is paid off!

Along with anything else of yours and a few others I can afford! :-)

Love, Hugs and Blessings,
Shadowe

[mdlbear]

Cool! Thanks in advance!

Unfortunately, there isn't anything else of mine... yet.

[mithriltabby]

In my experience, Zen meditation can reduce the spoon cost of things that cause frustration, though it doesn’t actually provide more spoons. It also takes months to start getting results.

[firecat]

My experience is the same with insight meditation.

[phoenixpdx.livejournal.com]

In my experience (especially when pain has made me snappish), if I am aware that I am about to bite someone's head off, I've found if I can take 2 or 3 deep breaths first, I can usually manage to be reasonably calm. My message may still be "leave me the frick alone, please" but it doesn't come out "LEAVE ME TEH F*CK ALONE GORRAMIT!!!!!"

[mdlbear]

I'll have to work on that. It's the "if I'm aware" part that's difficult.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Anger management is not a bad idea. You'll probably get a lot of breathing exercises like phoenixpdx mentions, and things that you are already doing in order to be more aware of what it is you are feeling. Tired? Hungry? In Pain? checks periodically can help you do something about triggers before they spill over onto other people.

One of the things that happens when you have chronic pain is a hyper focus upon it, which makes coping with other things harder. When someone interrupts the increased focus you need to get past the pain to get your task done, it can trigger additional frustration.

Knowing this in advance can do a lot towards not "taking it out" on the person attempting to talk with you.

If you do still "snap" and then snap at someone, be sure to apologize, or that can add to your guilt/frustration level. (ah, vicious circles.) A simple "I'm sorry I barked at you. It's hard for me to switch tracks sometimes. What did you need again?" can smooth things over.

As a mom fussing over things not my children's fault, I am guilty of the snarky tone of voice spilling over from adult issues into how I ask them to clean up, or address homework issues. Pulling back and saying "Oh. I didn't like how I just sounded just now with my tone. I apologize. Mommy was in bad space from her foot hurting and work stuff, which has nothing to do with you. Let me try again." I also do this with my darling husband when I am grumpy and respond to a question he's asked in a tone of voice that is scornful or short. It lets my loved ones know that I value them, and prevents them from doing little internal guilt trips over upsetting me.

[mdlbear]

Thanks -- that could be useful.

I often apologize repeatedly; that may not be all that helpful. And I don't think Colleen really believes me when I try to assure her that it's not about her. But I try.

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

Instead of apologizing repeatedly ("I'm sorry! Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that...") apologize mindfully.

1) Add a emotion connected to you: "I didn't like how that sounded just now."
2) Label what was wrong. "My tone of voice was rude to you."
3) Connect it with the person to whom you're apologizing: "I don't want to bark at you like that, especially since it isn't your fault! I'm sorry."

I expect that since Colleen has had to be dependent on you for so many things since her surgery, she feels sensitive that she is "responsible" for your feeling overwhelmed. So even if Colleen isn't the immediate trigger, she feels like she's contributed to your overall stress.

While there is probably an element of truth to this view, I also know from reading your blog that the love and support you get back from Colleen more than offset the inconvenience and stress of her condition.

[mdlbear]

That sounds like a good plan. The hard part is going to be stepping back from what I'm doing long enough to take a few breaths and speak coherently.

I ought to give myself permission to take that kind of break, even though whatever it is that I'm doing is urgent.