Understanding Ursine: An Introduction

[mdlbear]

Ursine, as you might expect, is the language of bears. Or at least of mandelbears; I can't speak for the rest of the genus. Or maybe it's just this bear. In the (unlikely) event that "Understanding Ursine" turns into a series, this will serve as an introduction. The title has been somewhere on the bear's to-do list for several years -- this post from May, 2014 lists it among many proposed projects. It's well known that procrastination is a common ursine characteristic.

Reducing expectations: Much of the ursine vocabulary is involved with reducing the listener's expectations -- lack of self-confidence is another ursine characteristic. Notable in this category is "I'll try to remember", which is a common response to a non-urgent request made while the bear is doing something else. The meaning is, approximately, "I'm doing something else right now, and I might get engrossed in it again. When I reach a stopping point I hope I'll remember your request, but I might not."

Along the same lines, another common response to a request is "I'll try." It really doesn't matter what the request is or how trivial it is -- this is a default instant response that comes out before the bear has had time to think about what actions they actually have to take. It might be better to wait for a second or two, but the bear is afraid (with some justification) that the request will be forgotten by that time, or (with much less justification) fail to be accomplished.

Delaying interactions: Another large category serves to put off an interaction until the bear can actually pay attention to it. For a long time the bear has been using "Can't hear!", which is actually a worn-down form of the more accurate but longer "I'm not where I can hear you right now; I'll be out in a minute." Unfortunately, humans usually take "can't hear" as a request to speak louder. Would "later" or "busy" work better? "Busy!" has been used in the past.

"Working!" and "Working on it!" are other responses in this category. In both there is the implication that further conversation at this time would distract the bear from something it's doing. "Working on it" further implies that it's doing something you requested -- or thinks you're about to request.

Indications of overload: On rare occasions, the bear will say "Please..." in a pleading tone; this indicates that the bear is under extreme stress and is about to go completely non-verbal. A warding-off gesture, palm outward, usually means that either this has already happened, or that the bear is on the phone.

A four-letter interjection repeated at intervals of roughly a second is usually an indication that the bear is involved in a task, such as cleaning the floor or groping under the sink for a cut-off valve, that is causing them physical pain (more rarely, mental distress) but nevertheless has to be done.

Sorry: Some concepts don't translate well, and we're still unsure exactly what "Sorry" means. It may have originated with any of a number of phrases that start out "I'm sorry, ..." but now appears to be mostly an indication that something is going wrong and the bear is too overloaded to say anything else. There is also the implication that the bear is taking the blame for whatever is going wrong; that usually means that the bear's self-esteem is even lower than usual.

Comments

[technoshaman]

Ah, you've started your own version of "The Care and Feeding of Bears." pocketnaomi and I started that (and the same book, only for Goats) as an oral tradition some years ago... I don't know if it'll ever get writ down... but good to know you're actually journalling it.

DW says you've got busted markup, but I'm not seeing it...

[mdlbear]

I did have broken markup (paste positioning error), but I fixed it rather quickly.

[maellenkleth]

We have a Care and Feeding of Ravens in progress at the House of Words ^_^

[mdlbear]

There's more about the care and feeding of {bears,geeks,et.al.} in some of the earlier Entries tagged with river, but it would be tedious to find at this point -- DW doesn't seem to support searching posts.

[archangelbeth]

DW does searches really well -- or at least for my seed account -- but finding the search page is a PITA on some layouts. (I have to jump to my profile, which has a handy sidebar. I think I used optional links in my homepage layout for this, too.)

https://www.dreamwidth.org/search is the link, and while it can't search comments if you're not a paid account, I think you should be able to search your main journal?

[mdlbear]

OK, found it -- it's in my profile.

I have a permanent account, so it'll do comments.

[archangelbeth]

Excellent! I hope it helps you find the stuff you want.

Sent from my iPhone

[redsixwing]

Very good things to know, should one happen to encounter a bear.

[tibicina]

"Busy" or "Just a moment" are probably better than "Can't Hear" if the goal is people waiting until you can focus on them and not them speaking louder/more clearly or trying to move closer so you can hear them better. Just from my personal experience of similar interactions.

But it's probably good to make people aware that 'can't hear' usually actually means 'give me a few moments to get to a stopping spot', if you try to remember to say something that indicates 'wait' instead of 'I need that repeated more clearly' and they try to remember 'sometimes that means wait', then hopefully it will work out more often than not.

[mdlbear]

Thanks. That's about what I thought.

I think most people's response -- speaking louder -- probably works enough of the time that training them to make an exception for me is a losing proposition.

[kellan_the_tabby]

I have found that bellowing 'hang on' is often useful in this situation.

[archangelbeth]

Around here, "Can't hear you; water running" is common. Or "Can't hear ya; just a sec!" Or just plain, "Just a sec!" or "water running!" (The former is usually slurred into Jussa Sec.)

...messaging on the iPhones usually happens when verbal is about to be gone, with the less-verbal member of the family. Verbal goes much faster than text.

[gingicat]

Yeah, daughter goes incoherent with mental anguish anger. If one can wait through the nasty emoticons and other limbic statements, she eventually figures out what she actually needs.

[lilysea]

I say "I can't hear you over the tap!" a lot.

My partner can allegedly understand ME over a running tap when he is washing his hands;

I can never understand HIM over a running tap when I am washing my hands.

Not just you!

[gingicat]

I’ve learned that in my not-neurotypical family, “I can’t understand what you’re saying, please use all your consonants or come closer” works pretty decently.

At work, where they “get it,” I say, “let me finish this sentence, then ask again if I don’t get back to you in five minutes.” Or if I’m going to be longer than five minutes and I can’t jot it down, I say “please email me that so I won’t forget.”

Re: Not just you!

[mdlbear]

Those sound useful. Thanks!

Thank you!

[jesse_the_k]

Looking at one's language use from this perspective is startling and useful.

[mama_kestrel]

Around here it starts "Wait wait wait! (no pauses between), followed by "can't hear right now". Then when water is off "Okay, now, what did you need?" Since the "can't hear right now" is preceded by "waitwaitwait" (always a triple, don't know why) and always followed by, "okay, now", the speaker tends to wait their turn.

[lilysea]

Delaying interactions: Another large category serves to put off an interaction until the bear can actually pay attention to it. For a long time the bear has been using "Can't hear!", which is actually a worn-down form of the more accurate but longer "I'm not where I can hear you right now; I'll be out in a minute." Unfortunately, humans usually take "can't hear" as a request to speak louder. Would "later" or "busy" work better? "Busy!" has been used in the past.

For "I can't process your words right this second" I use one of the following:

"I need to concentrate!"

"In a minute!"

"Just a sec!"

"I can't multi task!"

[mdlbear]

I'm not sure I can multitask well enough to say "I can't multitask"; I can usually manage something like "hang on".