Done yesterday (20090506)

( raw notes )

Colleen had visits from her visiting PT and nurse yesterday, and impressed them both with her walking. She's paying for it today, of course. Got some exercises from the PT.

On my way back from my Kaiser appointment I bought a little aluminum dumbek at Guitar Showcase's consignment shop. There was a prettier brass one for only $10 more, but it weighed about twice as much and had a skin head instead of plastic. I wanted cheap, portable and comparatively hard to damage.

Some noodling and, at Colleen's urging, a little singing.

Had a rather unpleasant conversation with the 14-year-old son of one of the guests. Started out by walking into the office and asking "who are you hacking", and went nonstop downhill from there, mainly about fighting other boys at school. I don't think I was ever like that. Very much the kind of person I try to avoid, only he was in the office and I didn't want to tell him to leave.

I spent most of the evening being pretty completely non-social, but wasn't in much, if any, emotional distress or dissociated as far as I could tell. Which isn't very far, of course.

It was wonderful to have Colleen out in her chair where she belongs, presiding over the Wednesday gathering. The house just doesn't feel right without her. She seems to be OK with me retreating to the office most of the time, now that I've explained what a strain the crowd is.

I'm also becoming more comfortable about waking in the middle of the night, and having less trouble (so far) getting back to sleep now that I know it's pretty normal. Having Colleen to talk to and snuggle helps a lot. I still wish I didn't need the second sleep -- I don't have time.

River: you're not listening

It just occurred to me that maybe Colleen's constant complaint of "you're not listening" might mean something like "I was expecting some kind of emotional reaction from you, but all I got was a logical reaction or a question."

The emotional reaction might be something like sympathy or agreement; I don't know. The question is usually a baffled request for clarification; the logical reaction is often a response to what her words actually meant rather than the thought she was trying to express.

Or maybe it sometimes just means "you didn't say what I was expecting you to say."