The state of things

[mdlbear]

I listened to the album twice today -- once in the car, and once on my computer at work (through both headphones and a set of cheap earbuds). It's sounding ok. Levels are pretty good. Nothing that sends me out of the room screaming. I'll do a couple more checks tomorrow.

The artwork's going slower than I'd like, but it's my own damned stupid fault. It should be heading out to Oasis by the end of the month, I think. With luck, I might have some disks in hand by ConChord.

Just as that's starting to come together, though, other things seem to be unraveling. I seem to be almost totally incapable of communicating, especially with my family. Don't know how to fix it. I have to speak slowly and carefully when I'm stressed, and it drives people crazy, so they interrupt me, so I get more stressed and distracted, and it's a feedback loop that I don't know how to get out of.

My ancient brain is probably turning to mush. Certainly my ears are: the tinnitus tells me that my hair cells are dying; I'll probably need a hearing aid in a couple of years. I constantly feel like I'm not getting anything done. And I'm not, except for reading and posting in LJ, which isn't exactly anything.

People not much older than me -- younger in some cases -- are getting seriously ill or dying. I can't count on my body or my brain to keep functioning as long as I need them to.

My oldest daughter is going to Canada tomorrow to visit her fiance. I don't think I'm as worried as her mother is, but I'm worried enough. Hopefully everything will go ok.

I should probably go to bed before I get even more ose.

Thanks for listening.

Comments

[artbeco.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
And Monday night for art talk should work out. Will double-check w/ Paul first, though.

[mdlbear]

Great! ((hugs back))

[telynor.livejournal.com]

If it helps, I have the same trouble with needing to speak slowly and carefully when I'm stressed and having people who've known me for ages interpret this as a licence to interrupt me.

[eleccham.livejournal.com]

I very nearly had a (verbal) throwdown with my boss a couple weeks ago - who I usually get along with very well - because he'd for some unknown reason decided it was a good day to needle me... and this ended up ultimately taking the form of not letting me finish a sentence (ending with the retort "you talk too slow!")

I responded to that by putting on my headphones and listening to Stromkern...

[randwolf.livejournal.com]

Sympathies.

[katster.livejournal.com]

*hug* if you want it.

-kat

[mdlbear]

((Hugs back))

[tibicina.livejournal.com]

*hugs* If you find me doing the interrupting thing, please point it out to me. I sometimes start trying to fill things in unconsciously. (I'll also instant echo people unconsciously and then get confused when they stop speaking.)

[mdlbear]

I expect flower_cat does it unconsciously, too. It must be extremely difficult for her to put up with my quirks and occasional weirdness; I'm very glad that she does.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Your ancient brain is still firing on all cylinders, it's just parts of your body that are betraying you. They've got some really cool stuff in electronic hearing aids. Frankly, I would go check them out sooner rather than later; if *you* know it's giving you trouble, then it's time to do something about it.

I've had people dying on me for various reasons for a long time now. It sucks, Beavis, but life goes on. And there are enough folk around to keep up what you have started. (Certainly we're picking up where poor Dave Alway left off... )

The two of you have first-class brains, and I can tell the genes bred true. I know chaoswolf is your baby girl, but she can do this. She has to convince herself of it... and she has to do that alone, or, at least, with just her intended. It's a rite of passage, and one's loved ones are always nervous.... but again, c'est la vie.

Be excellent to yourself. You've earned it.