River: Verts

[mdlbear]

(/me waves at pocketnaomi and cflute -- hope this explains a few things.)

I was talking with my coworker rowanf this morning; she said that the difference between an extrovert and an introvert was whether other people feed you or drain you. I had to disagree.

I know at least one person who is fed by her close friends, and drained by everyone else. I added that, in my case, I tend to be fed by people when I'm feeling good, and drained when I'm hurting. But I realized later that I was wrong.

When I'm hurting, I don't mind being around people I don't know very well: they make me feel a little less alone, and I don't really have to interact with them. I might even get little positive strokes if I make the comparatively minor effort of saying hello.

But people I know require energy that I don't have. Interaction takes energy. The better I know them, the tighter the interaction, the more energy it takes. Being around someone who loves me and wants to pay attention to me can be actively painful. I don't know why that makes things worse, but it does. That's why I can sometimes do OK all day at work, being friendly and interactive, but have to crawl into my cave and hide at home.

Even when I'm doing well, I suppose, people drain me; I just have a more favorable energy balance on the whole, and interacting with people I know is easier. Who knows, these days I might even be a little bit of an extrovert, able to gain energy at the same time as I'm giving it. Not when I'm sick, or hurting, or depressed, though. Then, I'll be in my cave, or all alone in the midst of a crowd of strangers. It's about the same.

Comments

[brmj.livejournal.com]

This stuff doesn't apply to me 100%, but it gets close. I might be a bit less of an introvert than you, but much of this is comparable. I should also note that I am not particularly experienced at the whole insightful introspection thing, so if any of this appears obvious, stupid, poorly articulated or logically flawed, it probably is.

Most often, I find face to face social interaction draining. However, if I am in a situation in which a small number of other people who are sufficiently comfortable with silence are present, I can enjoy myself quite a bit, as long as there is a sense of mutual acknowledgment and an absence of idle chatter. I'm not saying that there can't be conversation, just that it must have a good signal to noise ratio, be quiet enough and be strictly voluntary. I find that in those rare situations I get many of the benefits of being alone, in addition to some of what other people talk about getting from social situations. There are a few people who I particularly enjoy "hanging out" with because this sort of situation happens almost automatically.

I also find that I can often enjoy conversation, arguments and debates on a topic I am sufficiently interested in and knowledgeable about, as long as the signal to noise ratio is high enough. Afterwards, I am more or less social'ed-out for a while, but I really enjoy it at the time and tend to look back at such discussions more fondly than not.