River: Post OVFF meltdown

[mdlbear]

Note: stress, anxiety, hunger, dehydration, and sleep deprivation are a hypergolic mixture. Handle with extreme caution.

Note: There are comparatively few things that can cause a full-scale Mandelbear melt-down, complete with gibbering apologies, silent, dry-eyed sobbing and a deep desire to simultaneously curl up in a ball, storm out of the room, and drop through the floor. Being told by an angry Colleen that I have hurt her without even knowing it -- totally failed at this "being human" thing -- is one of them.

Note for next time: take a big drink of something cold and wet, have a very quick dinner, put any unexpected guests in the care of the kids, and retire to the bedroom with Colleen and two glasses of something alcoholic for an hour of snuggle and catching up.

OK; I'll unpack that.

On the way home from the airport we had some silly argument over caller ID and our cell phones. I should know better than to try to explain something like that to somebody who clearly doesn't care about the technical details, but I was tired enough for it to have seemed important at the time.

The anxiety and stress part was mostly over Colleen's not having heard back about her ultrasound. We were both hungry; I was sleep-dep'd from the con and stressed from travel.

I thought we'd talked enough about the con, at least for a while; there were unexpected guests in the house -- at least, I hadn't been expecting them -- and Colleen didn't want to embarass me in front of them by telling me to stop paying attention to my LJ and pay some attention to her.

Public Service Announcement: It may conceivably embarass me a little to be reminded to pay attention to my wife, but I'm a bear of very little brain, and an occasional whack from a cluebat doesn't hurt. Something along the lines of "stop hanging out with your silicon mistress and talk to me" would work fine. Or, "kiss me now, you idiot!"

As I've said several times, I don't do subtle.

Comments

[sammyd.livejournal.com]

I hear you loud and clear even 3,000 miles away. Some days the cluebat needs to be dusted off over here for the exact same reason. Both meglimir and I have days where we are so busy, we forget to be a couple. It's really bad when only one of us forgets. The other one ends up feeling hurt. It's quite common for a lot of people to not notice things are going on around them. Unfortunately, there are those around them who do not fail to notice someone is not noticing. I hope that made sense.

I hope today is a better one, oh, and don't forget, go cuddle your better half. I'm about to take my own advice here. LOL

[mdlbear]

Makes perfect sense.

The last couple of days have been much better, thanks!

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

Failing at being human is a temporary failure--like a power-out--not a total failure. (hug)

And all humans fail, so it's kind of an oxymoron too.

[mdlbear]

*hug* Thanks.

I sort of know that, but the learning is painful and difficult, and seems like the sort of thing I should have picked up, oh, half a century or so ago.

[kyrielle]

Hmmm. I don't know if it's a problem for Colleen or not, but for me, I am sometimes embarrassed to wield the clue-bat that openly in front of others - I feel awkward for appearing "demanding" to others (not necessarily to the perosn being clue-batted, if I know they're okay with that, but the "audience").

If that is the case, a coded way of expressing it (that looks subtle to others but is an immediate clue-bat clue due to pre-definition) can be useful. As I said, it may not apply here, but - something to keep in mind if you find it might apply at any point.

[mdlbear]

Agreed -- that's what the phrases in the PSA were intended for; they were meant to be humorous, gentle, but not at all subtle given the shared context. I'll have to make sure Colleen is on board with them or whether she has something else that would work.

[kyrielle]

...wow. Neither of the quotes in here (I assume you refer to the 'silicon mistress' and 'kiss me now' lines) are at all subtle in my book; in fact they are embarrassingly direct and pointed statements. Although the second is at least cute while the first smacks of jealousy and discomfort in a way that would mortify me to display in front of friends. I was noting that something that IS subtle (to others) but direct (to you, because it's agreed on in advance) might be more appropriate. And I admit, the first one seems humorous - but not gentle - to me. The second one is...I dunno. Demanding, not humorous, medium-gentle. Different approaches, I guess! It's Colleen's comfort and yours that matter here, really, I just - didn't pick those up as "coded" cues (which is what I was speaking about because they're very blatant/open.

[mdlbear]

Humor goes a long way toward mitigating embarrassment. But, yeah; one of the reasons I ask for help here is that I don't really know what somebody else would find embarrassing. Definitely needs discussion with Colleen.

"Silicon mistress" is indeed a code phrase (which I'm a little too lazy to look up, but you'll find it on an earlier River post).

[chaoswolf]

If I notice this, I'll smack you with the cluebat. No worries there. Love you, Dad!

[mdlbear]

Thanks, Woof -- you'll be in a better position to notice than either of us.

[filkferengi]

Thanks for sharing your experience; I'm glad you're doing better.

[mdlbear]

You're welcome, and thank you.