TheFerrett on love and fate

[mdlbear]

From theferrett, we have an interesting post titled Two Types Of Doomed Fate:

I have a problem with fate. Whenever I hear a guy telling a woman, "We were fated to be together -- we're soulmates" in the first month or two of a relationship, I just sit back and wait for that couple to crash into the wall, hard. Which they inevitably do.

It's almost as though they were fated to fail.

I'm not opposed to fate in love, mind you. It's just that in my experience there are two kinds of guys who really get off on Fated Love enough that they'll blurt it out on the third date, and both are toxic bad news.

The first, and harmless, Fated Love Junky is the Seeker. He's the stereotypical nerd who falls in love with an idea, not an actual woman. See, the trick in a relationship is to realize that people are irritating. Sure, some people are less vexing than others, but you live with someone for a couple of years and they're going to have some habits that drive you crazy. No two people are a perfect fit; like woodworking, you have to sand and plane a little to get the edges to match up.

As usual, I'm not entirely sure I agree on all points, and I suspect that it doesn't apply nearly as much to women -- Colleen, at least, claims that it was love at first sight on her part, over 39 years ago; reading cards in the Stanford coffeehouse. I'm not about to argue with success.

Comments

[judifilksign.livejournal.com]

My husband and I *knew* we were for each other, but did not reveal this info to one another for a while, so we would not be perceived by the other as a wacko stalker. Still happily together, 18 years later. I don't think we used the term "soulmates," though.

[mdlbear]

Colleen did that with me; I don't think she told me about the love at first sight until well after we were married. As far as I know neither of us has used "soulmate" -- or "soul", for that matter.

I, on the other hand, didn't notice that I was in love until she asked me whether I loved her. Typical geek.