Colleen[13]: Running low on cope

[mdlbear]

The morning got off to a rocky start. The day was dreary and dark, and so was I. The one bright note was going to Fry's and finding portable DVD players on sale for $79. I got to Colleen's about 11:30, half an hour after I had told her I would; she gave me a worried phone call just as I was parking. I went in and basically lost it, and ended up whimpering on her shoulder.

I hadn't realized I'd run that low on cope. Singing to her helped.

She called a little later, frantic, because she couldn't turn on her DVD player. Turned out that she was pushing on the power light, on the front edge, rather than the power switch on the side. *sigh* She figured it out just as I was ready to head out the door.

Neither of us is all that high on cope at the moment, but she's doing better now. I went in again about 3:30 to bring in a pair of earbuds and a couple of dresses for her to wear. Found her sitting up (in the comfy folding chair I'd brought in this morning), disconnected from her IV for the afternoon, and reasonably chipper.

I spent a lot of the visit with my head on her shoulder, being comforted and loved. I hadn't realized I needed it that much. Needed her that much. It's been over three decades since I've been this lonely; I'd forgotten what it was like.

She'll be OK -- she seems to be settling in, making friends and having conversations with anyone who comes in the room. I'll be OK, too, but LOSCON is going to be weird. It'll be my first gencon ever without my Cat. If you see me, feel free to come up and give me a hug.

Comments

[saffronrose.livejournal.com]

Hugs to both of you.

[mdlbear]

*hugs*

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

Virtual hug, yes. :(

I wish she was home with you, but on the other hand I'm glad she's getting proper care.

[mdlbear]

Indeed. For a while we were afraid that they _would_ send her home, with a portable pump. That would have been bad.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Hugs from here, too.

Btw, did you ever get wireless working for her?

[mdlbear]

*hugs*

No, but I left her with a couple of wireless routers; hopefully the next time their IT guy shows up he can hook one or both of them up.

re: Loscon

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

I will usually be found at the MythSoc Table plugging Mythcon. Feel free to drop by if you need More Hugs.

Re: Loscon

[mdlbear]

Will do. Thanks!

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I haven't managed to have the money, the time, and the transportation simultaneously to go to any cons in about 25 years, but I would definitely come up to you, introduce myself very briefly, and hug the livin' bejeepers out of you.

[mdlbear]

Thanks. Some time, perhaps.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

Whichever one of us gets to the opposite coast first...

[faxpaladin.livejournal.com]

GoodThoughts...

[mdlbear]

Thanks

Zen hug

[capplor.livejournal.com]

but get a couple of those hugs from one or more daughters. I suspect they need them, too.

Re: Zen hug

[mdlbear]

Thanks. They do indeed, and give good hugs in return.

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

(hug)

[mdlbear]

((hug)) Thanks

[aerowolf.livejournal.com]

A morbid thought, though it's definitely one to be happy about...

...at least you're learning what you have, before she's truly gone. At least you're publicly acknowledging how much she means to you.

You're the only man I know who actually posts about how much you love her, and how much she means, and the many things she's done to teach you how to be a better person and love her the way she loves you.

Yes, this sucks. Yes, it'll suck more when she eventually goes and doesn't come back. but think about it this way: she gets to come back, this time (barring any unforseen catastrophes).

It's often said that you don't know what you have until it's gone. So she's not there right now, and emotionally it's the same as her being gone... but she's still in this world and you know she's coming back to you.

I wish her and you many more long and happy years together. Cuz anyone who shares what you share deserves happiness.

[mdlbear]

Thanks.

I do think about that, occasionally -- we've both lost friends close to our age, and we're at the age when our mortality has to be considered.

[septemberlilac.livejournal.com]

A long-distance hug for you and another one for Colleen. I owe her dozens of them for her kindnesses to me over the years - we see each other rarely, but it's often been when I was sinking into my own bottomless pit of lonely and she's always had a hug and a smile to make things better.

[mdlbear]

Thanks!

[filkferengi]

I'm sorry y'all're having to go through this, but relieved you have each other to help through it.

Big elbow-grabbing hugs all round!

[mdlbear]

*hughug* Thanks!