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[mdlbear]

I ran completely out of cope last night, about 11pm, in the process of getting Colleen into the bedroom. I think I'm a little better now, but probably still fragile. I lost it several times: gibbering, almost completely non-verbal in either direction, and occasionally sobbing silently and without actual tears. This is going to be harder than I expected. I haven't been that out of cope since one night when the Y.D. was a month or so old, sitting on the floor by her crib at some ungodly hour in the morning trying to wake up enough to pick her up and change her. Maybe not even then.

Taught my son-in-law to make fried matzoh this morning -- the Y.D. is home from school today because she can barely walk with her injured knee, and wanted comfort food.

Meta: note that I've switched tags from colleen-200812 to colleen-200901 to mark the fact that she's home from the hospital now.

I think maybe I'm ok now. OK enough to get through the day; that's all I can hope for at this point.

Comments

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

There are times when (in the words of my late High Priest), "the support system needs a support system". Do not hesitate to call upon friends, family-by-choice, family-by-blood, even an occasional complete stranger if necessary! There's a reason why the instructions on airplane oxygen masks say to put on your own mask first, before helping a child or disabled person with theirs - you can't take care of anybody else if you don't take care of yourself. (Comfort food is a great idea too, btw. By "fried matzoh", I assume you mean matzo brei?)

Also, nothing will destroy your ability to cope, steal your "spoons", and shred your psyche more effectively than sleep deprivation, especially if it's not just a matter of being chronically short on sleep from going to sleep too late and getting up too early, but having one's sleep interrupted at short intervals so as to interfere with REM sleep. (Newborns are especially good at inducing this state in parents.) Turn caregiving duties over to someone else and check into a hotel for a night if you must, but get some uninterrupted sleep!

Lastly, have a few more *hugs* from me...

[mdlbear]

Matzoh Brei, exactly - that's what Colleen and the kids call it, because that's what our friends call it. Dad always called it "fried matzoh". It's actually something like a fried bread pudding.

I rarely get uninterrupted sleep, but neither of us does very well sleeping alone, either, and I really need to be around to assist if necessary. Most nights Colleen's pretty good about not waking me, and I need less sleep than she does.

I will have some backup: Selkit and Colleen's friend Marty observed tonight's setup, and there are some other friends I can tap who are familiar with TPN. More general, emotional support... that could be a problem.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I'm a shiksa by birth, but I grew up in an overwhelmingly Jewish environment. I always thought of matzo brei as "Jewish French toast" ;-) (And now I wish I had some matzos... I'm in the mood for a snack...)

You seem to have plenty of LJ friends (including me) who are more than willing to provide emotional support... but for many people, words on a screen aren't tangible enough to help very much. If talking on the phone would be useful, send my phone a text message via the information on my LJ profile page, and I'll get back to you with my phone number - I keep really screwy hours, so if you need a sympathetic voice in the middle of the night, I'm likely to be available.

[mdlbear]

I don't text, and making phone calls is almost impossible for me (there are currently only two people outside my family who I have called socially, and only at times when I know they're very unlikely to be busy). My cell number and email are on the household web page, http://thestarport.org/suites/Starport/ and IM (which works pretty well for me) info is on my LJ profile.

What might work best is emailing me your phone #; that way if you call I'll at least know who's calling.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I don't do IM - I don't even have any IM software on this machine.

I've just emailed you my cell phone number and a guideline to the hours when I'm likely to be able to talk without interruptions. Obviously, feel free to email me - if my email header seems self-contradictory, just use acelightning (bellybutton) monmouth (freckle) com.