River: It's not like that at all

[mdlbear]

Over the last couple of days I've thought a little more about addiction and embarrassment, and realized that I've been wrong about them for years (though in different ways).

For years I've been saying that I have an addictive personality. I've been addicted to reading, Usenet news, a couple of solitaire-type games, and now LJ. Programming and writing belong on the list, too: when I'm deep in a project the rest of the world goes away, the same as it does when I'm reading.

That's the key realization: the rest of the world goes away. These are all activities that I do in a light trance state: intensely focussed and unaware of either my surroundings or myself. More like Zen meditation than drugged stupor -- alcohol addiction has no attraction for me at all; I'll happily drink enough to be relaxed, but hate the fuzzy-mindedness that comes from drinking too much.

In addition, the things I've been most "addicted" to, usenet and LJ, are both things that connect me with other people. I think I have to add deep, one-on-one conversation here as well. Not a real addiction, then, but something else. I'm not sure what.

 

It's the same with my social phobia: I don't think it's anything like what I thought it was. My aversion to embarrassment is so intense that I've learned ways to avoid any situation where I might possibly be embarrassed. I've been seriously embarassed only a handful of times that I remember (though I may have suppressed more of those memories). More recently the few times I've been forced into potentially embarassing situations haven't been so bad. I seem to have few limits on what I'll talk about, and many of those are things I think might embarrass somebody else.

My aversion to embarrassment is almost entirely due to observation of other people in embarrassing situations. It's empathy, then. I find this deeply weird.

Comments

[firecat]

I have the same sort of "addictive personality" that you do. I do wish there were another term for it, because addictive implies that you have to do more and more of it and that it's detrimental to your life, and those are not true for my "addictions."

I usually call it "obsessive" instead, but that also implies detrimental. I have had truly detrimental obsessiveness, and it comes from the same place that my hyperfocusing comes from, but I don't think the hyperfocusing per se is detrimental.

[mdlbear]

I agree -- both "addictive" and "obsessive" are incorrect. I'm not sure there's a word for it; I haven't heard one, if there is.