Productivity? What's that?

[mdlbear]

I've actually been fairly productive the last few days. If I'd been this productive two months ago, around the end of March, I'd have my FSA receipts all sorted, the Consonance concerts all up on the web, and be feeling a lot less panicked and harried and depressed.

There's a receipt that I know was on my desk, where I needed it. It's not there now. There's a phone call I should have made 12 hours ago; it's too late now.

As it is, I'm feeling frustrated, panicked, defeated, worthless, and hopeless. Also, paradoxically, bored and restless. I can't focus, can't concentrate, can't sit still, can't relax. Which is not helping.

Knowing that it's some combination of burnout and depression, and that depression lies, doesn't help either. Neither did taking a walk this afternoon, except maybe temporarily.

Comments

[trogula.livejournal.com]

Having struggled through this same inner turmoil all of my life, I want to share the one self care practice that has slowly over time made this much easier to cope with: Zen Meditation (zazen). This, combined with regular exercise and a healthy diet, has made a huge difference for me.

I struggle with both Bipolar II (defined as cyclic depressive periods without the mania of manic depression) and ADHD. The war inside your head that you're describing is very familar to me. As challenging as it is sometimes to sit zazen for even five minutes, this really, really helps.

I would highly recommend the book "Taking the Path of Zen" by Robert Aiken as a gentle and no nonsense introduction to this practice.

[mdlbear]

Thanks. I tried a couple of different styles of meditation back in college, and it's definitely on my list of things to get back to soon. The modern psychobabble for it seems to be "mindfulness", which is on my list of things to do in therapy.