River: Distracted?

[mdlbear]

I'm feeling pretty seriously out of it right now. I shouldn't snap at my daughter in total confusion when she asks me to take my laundry out of the drier. I shouldn't scrape my car on a concrete pillar getting out of a parking spot, the way I did last night. I shouldn't be so distracted that I pay $1500 to Alhambra instead of to Amex.

I should be socializing more at OSCon, the way I did the last three or four years. I should be getting more done at work. And at home. I shouldn't let bills and paperwork pile up, the way I have been.

I should make more music. I should pay more attention to the people closest to me. The people I love. I should take better care of myself.

I'm stressed, and distressed, and distracted. Probably depressed, but I can't really tell -- I'm not feeling much of anything right now.

Comments

[lemmozine.livejournal.com]

Personally, I find that typing lists of things to do purges any urgency I may feel to actually do those things - because, after all, I've accomplished something - I've made a list!

If that gets depressing, if the list gets too long and some of the things on it seem like they may never get done, one way I cheer myself up is to make up a to-do list for the past (last day, week, month, entire life, whatever) listing my positive achievements. I often surprise myself, finding the list of things I've done, while not necessarily the things I think I should have done, is quite substantial and I really have accomplished a great deal without even knowing I've done it.

Example: Wednesday, I had a really great moment. I was doing an interview for Medicaid at work with a single mom and her 2 (maybe 2 1/2) year old - they happened to be black - I don't know if that's important - and the 2 year old was getting a little difficult to handle, wanting to destroy everything, open every drawer and throw the contents all over, crying if he didn't get his way, and so on. Well, after about an hour, I was ready to copy the application, and the copier I use is through 2 other offices and on the other side of the building. The kid wanted to get out of the office, so I asked mom if kid could come with me, just on the spur of the moment, and brought him through those offices - he reached his hand up so I could lead him - to the copier, and back, I really enjoyed that, and it reminded me how much I like kids and while I'll probably never have any of my own, I know I'd probably have been a good dad had that ever happened. Not anything I would have listed or planned, and not a measurable or countable achievement, but it made me somehow feel good about myself and the world.

This morning, I woke up at 3:30 AM, did laundry, got packed and ready for trip to Confluence in Pittsburgh, and am about an hour ahead of schedule so have time to blog.

Yesterday I took care of returning some packages to 2 companies that were attempting to defraud me by sending products I hadn't ordered and billing large amounts of money to my credit cards, found I had vision insurance on some glasses I bought 2 months ago and can get $200 back, sent about $100 worth of receipts in to my flex cash program, and had a very positive visit with my chiropractor. I added a 1-hour massage to my next appointment because she thinks it will be good for my tight back muscles. I really am motivated to get more exercise and do more of the things she suggests because I'm seeing positive results - much less lower back pain.

I hope reading about my positive accomplishments might somehow make you feel better. I, too, have many more things I want or need to accomplish than I actually have time for, but, by gosh, the important things do somehow get done.

[mdlbear]

I do, in fact, keep track of accomplishments (my "done yesterday" posts), and have an extensive to.do file. I just about live out of it these days, because if it doesn't get into the file it *doesn't* get done.

Every so often I have to go back and check off a few old items that got done sometimes months after going on the list.

[mdlbear]

And thanks -- I ought to go into more detail on the good things I've done, and spend less attention on the things that go wrong.