River: Distracted?

[mdlbear]

I'm feeling pretty seriously out of it right now. I shouldn't snap at my daughter in total confusion when she asks me to take my laundry out of the drier. I shouldn't scrape my car on a concrete pillar getting out of a parking spot, the way I did last night. I shouldn't be so distracted that I pay $1500 to Alhambra instead of to Amex.

I should be socializing more at OSCon, the way I did the last three or four years. I should be getting more done at work. And at home. I shouldn't let bills and paperwork pile up, the way I have been.

I should make more music. I should pay more attention to the people closest to me. The people I love. I should take better care of myself.

I'm stressed, and distressed, and distracted. Probably depressed, but I can't really tell -- I'm not feeling much of anything right now.

Comments

[obsessivewoman.livejournal.com]

Okay this is both from experience as someone who worked through severe depression and from training (many years ago) as a therapist.

The reason I asked about the walks immediately after mentioning your med levels is that there is a correlation with therapy effectiveness and adherence to an exercise program. The main thing with the exercise is that it works synergistically with the talk therapy and the medication. [For some folks with mild problems, exercise is as effective as medication in treating anxiety and depression. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=combatting-depression-wit] So when you skip that routine, it's as if the level of antidepressants you take isn't as strong. That's one of the few physical components you have control over so I'd suggest that you get back to making that the priority. (Maybe even add short walks at work - convince people to do walking meetings at work when docs aren't necessary, walk before or after lunch, in lieu of smoke breaks or other activities: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression.)

Next, I'd suggest that if you haven't already, you tell your prescribing doctor/therapist what you shared on your blog. Especially that you aren't feeling anything. The things you posted are really good examples of how depression is affecting your work and home life. Additionally, given that you just had another death in the family, it's possible that they may want your antidepressant dose adjusted up a little for a while.

Anyway, this is just my take. Your milage may vary. ;)

Things will get better my friend.

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After Maggi gets back to town, I'll check back with you and then see if she wants to set something up.

[mdlbear]

Walking meetings wouldn't work; aside from the fact that there aren't that many meetings, the ones we have either involve a slide talk or a bunch of people taking notes and giving demos on computers. My own work requires a computer as well. I usually eat at my desk and walk after that, but if I've spent the morning running errands, a meeting runs over, or I need to spend time on IM or the phone to a friend, the walk sometimes goes out the window.

I _might_ manage to tell my shrink about the depression. My last few therapy appointments haven't been terribly useful.