Done yesterday (20110902 Fr)
2011-09-03 09:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
0902 Fr * up 6:40; W=196.8; drugs, nose, teeth, hair, dishes, exercise * wear EWS T-shirt to work @ lightgetsin | Data accessibility x take the van; Colleen wants to go out -> Liz can't lift @ The Ferrett's Journal - The View From A Thousand Different Points @ The Wordsmith's Forge - The Inelasticity of Demand * take netbook and power brick, since computers may get moved early = last day in SJ office : some confusion about the chair that I brought with me from Menlo. % should maybe have pulled my work to.do file before I packed my computer. Not a big deal -- I don't have anything left to do here. Miss my email environment more; the consequence of not using IMAP. OK, should have synced to the little 1TB backup drive -- that's what it's for. * Turned in badge and key. Told Anna about the drive, but I think it's ok to still be using it. Never got a laptop here; brought my own. * lunch provided at all hands mtg -> got a fern for my new office, plus some chocolate-covered almonds. Many goodbyes. * PAY BILLS - should have done it yesterday % I seem to be back to being as bad as ever about phone calls to friends. Do Not Like. Do Not Want. Not sure what to do about it. It seems as though all it takes is a couple of unanswered calls, and I give up. ! worried. Unhappy with myself.
Hmm. This is a hard one. I'd call it ok, except that I spent pretty much the entire work day saying goodbye to people, which is sad. I'll stop by occasionally, and try to keep in touch in other ways, but it'll still be difficult.
My last day at EWS coincided with with the monthly all-hands meeting, where each of the three of us who were going back to research got handed a fern for our new office, and a couple of bags of chocolate-covered nuts. And tasty food -- burritos from Chipotle -- augmented by platters of spring rolls and fruit brought in by (lab tech) Grace.
I got several hugs, which was nice. People said they'd enjoyed working with me, and mentioned Middle-Sized Bear qualities like gentleness -- that felt a little odd, but good. I gave out a few of my personal cards.
On the gripping hand, I seem to have gone back to being as bad as ever about making phone calls, and especially to friends. I Do Not Like this, and it makes me feel bad about myself, but I'm not sure what to do about it. It's weird, because I like talking to people, but I don't want to interrupt anything more important (of course, anything must be more important than talking to me, right?). *sighs*
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Date: 2011-09-03 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 05:52 pm (UTC)Though, even texting is a problem; I think it's not just self-esteem, though that's a large part of it.
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Date: 2011-09-03 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 07:56 pm (UTC)But part of it is something weird that I still haven't figured out.
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Date: 2011-09-03 08:25 pm (UTC)I just feel like, if they're busy they'll ignore the text until they have time to check the phone. If they don't feel like talking, they don't even have to say so; they can just ignore the text.
But this only works if the friend you're planning to call has texting, of course.
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Date: 2011-09-03 08:39 pm (UTC)Which is to say, it appears to be really easy for me to make up reasons not to initiate the conversation.
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Date: 2011-09-03 09:42 pm (UTC)But if there are people you want to call regularly, you could arrange this with them when they call--or send them an e-mail asking if they're interested in such an arrangement. Or send a paper letter asking them to text you if they're interested in such an arrangement.
There are all kinds of not-demanding-extra-attention ways to set this up. Whatever you're most comfortable with.
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Date: 2011-09-04 09:35 am (UTC)Ask yourself why you keep making up excuses.
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Date: 2011-09-04 03:35 pm (UTC)Until I figure that out, it's going to continue to be a problem.
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Date: 2011-09-04 03:46 pm (UTC)What is it you dislike and/or fear about initiating conversations? Why do you dislike and/or fear that? What is the worst thing that could possibly happen if you did initiate a conversation? How likely is it to happen? What if something else happens?
Please note that I am not asking you these questions in order to get answers from you; I'm asking you to ask yourself these questions, and then think hard about your answers. You don't actually have to tell me anything - just follow the line of questioning yourself, to its logical conclusion.
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Date: 2011-09-04 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 10:00 pm (UTC)It seems to be bothering you, is all. It's like you find starting a conversation means climbing over a wall to begin.
I wish I could lower the wall. Or get you a ladder.
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Date: 2011-09-05 03:23 am (UTC)Thanks. Yeah, very much like that. I keep thinking that if I could figure out why the wall is there, I could do something about it.
It'll take some thinking, I guess.
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Date: 2011-09-04 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 11:29 am (UTC)By random four year olds who are likely to forget to turn off their phone at bedtime?
The kids will start believing in spirits--but the spirits are all cranky grownups who tell them to turn their phones off.
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Date: 2011-09-04 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 10:03 pm (UTC)I imagine the whole "mom being mad because I was gone the whole afternoon and didn't tell her where I was going" thing becomes more rare. But worse when it does happen because "Mom expected me to have my phone on me and I didn't."
I wonder if anyone is keeping track of these changes.
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Date: 2011-09-05 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-05 12:31 pm (UTC)Yeah, I wonder where these things are going to go.
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Date: 2011-09-05 12:44 pm (UTC)You're right, though - just how much privacy does a child have a right to? I always had to tell my mother where I was going, who was going to be there, what we were going to do, and when I'd be home, before I went anywhere. And she did occasionally veto my choices. If we'd had cell phone/GPS technology fifty years ago, my life might have turned out very different...
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Date: 2011-09-05 06:21 pm (UTC)What about an 8-year-old with some form of developmental delay?
Etc.
Totally unscientifically, I just asked my 2-year-old whether, if someone gave him a cell phone of his own, he would like it to tell Mommy where he is, and he said that would make him happy.
Of course, two-year-old opinions sometimes change faster than I can type - and I can type pretty fast. Also, I am not giving my two-year-old a phone. He'll have to settle for stealing mine and playing Chuzzles occasionally. :P
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Date: 2011-09-05 11:09 pm (UTC)Although even when I was in my forties, with a husband and a child of my own, whenever I visited my father he'd ask me to phone him when I got home so he'd know I'd gotten home safely. We had a "family signal", from the days of land-line phones - just let it ring twice, then hang up. And when he visited me, I'd ask him to do the same.
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Date: 2011-09-04 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 09:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-05 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-04 01:18 am (UTC)So I know that if it's a bad time, he won't pick up...unless I call back the second time, which indicates I really really need to talk to him NOW if possible.
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Date: 2011-09-04 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-05 03:16 pm (UTC)And I hate answering the phone at work. Ooh, that gives me shivers. It's better if we've got someone in the office who is the usual gatekeeper and sends calls where they want to go.
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Date: 2011-09-05 03:54 pm (UTC)